


Melanphoria

by Yakō-sei No Saiko (NocturnalPzyko)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Consent Issues, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Rare Pairings, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:01:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 44
Words: 57,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28127301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NocturnalPzyko/pseuds/Yak%C5%8D-sei%20No%20Saiko
Summary: Heaven and Hell...Extreme Pain and Utmost Happiness...Melancholy and Euphoria...Or simply...Melanphoria.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Miya Osamu
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	1. Melanphoria Part 1 - Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is also a part of the Haikyuu AU series, this is the story right after Can I Keep You?  
> Melanphoria Part 1 is Akaashi's POV

**_Melanphoria Part I_ **

_Akaashi Keiji’s POV_

**_Prologue_ **

"You finally looked happy." I said to Tsuki while we're watching Japan versus Argentina together with some of our friends.

His smile is truly beautiful and it's because finally he's free from all of his self-loathing. Although there are still moments that he wanted to run away but Sakusa-san is always by his side reassuring him that everything will be okay.

Tsuki looked at me and smiled sweetly before he looked back to the court where his beloved scores once more against Argentina.

"I am. Although I sometimes feel guilty that I take away from him his chance to live normally, to have a family." He answered and smiled a bit sad.

I tapped his back.

"Don't be. For sure Sakusa-san thinks the same way you do. That he takes your freedom to love normally. Besides, you two are already family, right?" I teased that made him blush.

Only a few people know that they got married or rather say that, Tsuki got adopted to Sakusa-san's family months after the latter got discharged from the hospital.

"How's married life?" I asked that made him redder.

"It's euphoric. When we're together, there's no dull moment. We rarely fight and it's mostly because of how clingy he is when it's just the two of us." He complained but sounded like he's bragging.

"Now Tsuki's bragging his married life. This is annoyingly new." I said that made us both laughed.

"But honestly, I didn't know that I'd be this happy even after all the bad things I did. Even though I already apologized to Kuroo-san and Kenma. A part of me thinks that I don't deserve this kind of happiness." He looked anxious but at the same time I can see how his eyes glistened whenever Kiyoomi-san scores and looked in our way.

"You've been sad for years, Tsuki so you deserve to be happy." I said that somehow relieved him.

I looked back at the court where Bokuto san is and felt lonely when I see how happy he is even without me beside him. Even our relationship is close to falling apart. He doesn't look like struggling at all while I'm on the verge of crying.

_Why would he feel like that when you're the reason why he got his heart broken before? It's because of your selfishness. And you're just paying the price._

I bit my lip so hard to suppress my tears after my mind mockingly said that. I know that it's my fault why he's been so cold to me lately.

_Can you just be thankful that I haven't left yet?_

I remembered his words the last time we fought. And to be honest, it's so painful hearing that from him even though I've already expected this kind of treatment after he learned what I did before.

Before he and I dated.

"Akaashi-san? Are you okay? The match has end. Do you want to meet them?" Tsuki asked that made me stopped biting my lips. I faked a smile and nods.

But when we're about to go to their bench, I saw a figure walking towards Bokuto-san. And my heartaches a lot when he hugged her tight in front of his team mates.

"A-Akaashi-san?" Tsuki sounds worried but since I'm expert in hiding my emotions, I smiled.

"It's fine Tsuki. It's nothing. I'll go to the rest-room, you go to them first." I said and hurriedly went to the nearest comfort room.

I vomited bile when I entered one of the cubicles and cried silently remembering what I saw earlier.

_She's back._

_Yukie Shirofuku is back._

_Bokuto-san's first love._

_And the only person he wanted to spend his life with._

"I already warned you before Akaashi that you will only suffer if you do that thing, but you didn't listen." I heard Konoha's voice outside the cubicle where I am.

"Shut up!" I hissed and walk out the cubicle glaring at him. "I don't regret anything I did. Besides I know that somewhere in his heart, I have a place."

Konoha laughed to my annoyance so I shoved him and walked to the faucet to wash my face.

"Do you think he will love the person who lied to him and ruined his relationship? Wake up Akaashi! Did you see how happy he is when he saw Yukie? That's the first time I saw him smile like that after all these years. I bet he never told you even just once that he loves you." He said that made me snapped.

"Shut the hell up!" I shouted angrily that startled the group of guys who entered the comfort room and I was shocked to see Bokuto-san and his team.

"Akaashi-san?" Shoyo looked worried but I put up a smile and congratulate them.

I couldn't look at Bokuto-san because I'm afraid to see the disgust and hatred on his face like that time when he learned about the sin I did together with Konoha. I was about to go when Bokuto-san grabbed me by the hand and drag me outside the comfort room. He has a dangerous look on his face when he slammed me on the cold concrete.

"Are you planning something again against Yukie? I'm warning you Akaashi. I won't forgive you this time." He said in an angry voice that broke my heart into pieces.

"You really love her. Even now it's still, her." I murmured the truth that I've been trying to deny my whole life with a blank expression on my face and pushed him away.

He didn't expect what I do next. I kneeled in front of him in both knees while holding his hands.

"I'm sorry. Don't worry I won't do anything. Just please Bokuto-san. Don't leave me." I begged and let the tears escaped my eyes.


	2. Melanphoria Part 1 - Chapter 1

**_Melanphoria Part I_ **

_Akaashi Keiji’s POV_

**Chapter One**

I tried to suppress my sobs as the sound of the rain tattooed on the roof while Bokuto- san's heartily laughed could be heard from the living room while talking to someone on the phone.

It's painful to hear those laugh of his that I never once heard when we started dating. Or rather say, I couldn't make him laugh that way because I was the one who took that away from him.

"See you tomorrow, Yukie. I miss you." He softly whispered when he entered our room, breaking my heart into a thousand pieces when he said those three words to her.

It's a good thing that I'm facing the wall because I know that I couldn't bear to see his fond expression while saying those words to hear from the other line. I know that it will make me want to end my life if I see those loving eyes of his while talking to her.

To the person who really owns his heart.

I bet he has that tender look on his face while thinking of her. And while talking to her just like before, I bet his eyes glistened with love once more. Unlike when he’s with me where I can only see him laugh when we’re with our friends, he only acts like he cared for me when we’re not alone. Or rather say, he acts that way because our friends thought that we are happy. That we’re together because we are in love, even though we’re not.

_I’m just the one in love._

He stayed because I keep on begging him not to leave every time we fight since we started dating. He stayed because I was there when he was suffering when the love of his life left, when he still didn’t know what I did to his relationship. But now that he knows the truth, he stayed because he finds me pitiful. And he’s scared that I’ll do something again to the person he truly loves.

_He stayed because of her…_

_Because of Yukie…_

_Because of his one and only love…_

_He stayed not because of me._

I hold back my tears even more when he laid by my side and hugged me from the back. My heartbeats rapidly just because of that simple gesture of his. Just because of that, my heart swayed by him. It slowly treats this intoxicating pain in my heart, making it easy for me to breathe again.

_Heaven and hell…_

_Extreme pain and outmost happiness…_

_Melancholy and Euphoria…_

_Or simply…_

**_Melanphoria._ **

It’s what I feel when I’m with him. He could make me suffer from pain and relieved it with happiness with just these simple, insincere gestures of him.

_’You’re so fuckin’ stupid, Akaashi!’_

I remembered Konoha’s words after he drag me from kneeling down to Bokuto-san that time when Yukie came back to his life again.

A bittersweet smile formed my lips as I silently wept on Bokuto-san’s arms. I know I’m being so damn stupid for keeping him like this when I already knew that he won’t love me whatever I do and he won’t look at me the way he looked at her. But I can’t let him go.

_He’s my life._

I know it’s wrong, but feeling his warm body like this feels right. I know that I should end this, but how?

_He’s my world._

_Even she’s his._

_I can only love him._

_Though he can only love her._

_How am I going to end this melanphoric love of mine when he’s the only one I want?_

“Yukie…don’t go.” Bokuto-san murmured on his sleep that makes his warm body hugging me feel so cold. Hearing those words from him suffocates me.

I turn around and face him, tears freely flowing in my eyes as I gently touch his sleeping face with a bitter smile on my lips.

“I’m sorry Bokuto-san… for being this selfish. Just a bit more… please stay a bit longer.” I softly whispered and kissed his lips lightly so I wouldn’t wake him up and get up on our bed to go in the bathroom so I could cry there freely.

_Cry this pain that is making it hard for me to breathe._

Relieving myself a little from the pain that is slowly…

_Slowly killing me._


	3. Melanphoria Part 1 - Chapter 2

**_Melanphoria Part I_ **

_Akaashi Keiji’s POV_

**Chapter Two**

“Are you okay, Akaashi?” Tenma-san Asked when I went to his apartment to get the manuscript from him. He’s one of the manga artists that I’m assigned to and even though I want to be in the literature department, I’m enjoying my department now.

I tried to hide my misery by smiling at him and nod before telling a lie that most of the people I know tends to believe.

“I’m okay. I’m just sleep deprived lately.” I answered before thanking him for the coffee he handed me.

Although Tenma-san looked unconvinced, he didn’t ask again anyway and let us get down to business. I tried to be as attentive as I can be but because of sleep deprivation and thoughts of Bokuto-san’s rendezvous with the love of his life, I couldn’t get all of what Tenma-san is saying that made the latter called my name to get my attention.

“Akaashi? Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked with a worried look on his face that somehow makes me want to lower my guard and take off this mask I’m wearing.

But in the end, I apologized and lied again that I’m okay so we can continue our meeting. It seems that Tenma-san sensed that something’s bothering me so he ended our meeting rather quickly so I can go back to the office to drop off the manuscript and go home early since he’s the only one I’m scheduled today.

I hated myself for being unprofessional today but I couldn’t help it. I feel like my head is going to explode because of the disturbing thoughts lingering in my mind. The thought of Bokuto-san and Yukie having fun somewhere is making me anxious.

I have those what if’s in mind that I can’t stop thinking of.

_What if he changed his mind and left me so he could be with her?_

_What if right now they’re planning to go somewhere far to run away from me?_

_What if she asked him to get back together?_

_And If she does, I know that I can’t stop him to leave me. I know he will do it. After all, Bokuto-san is still so in love with her even now._

“Akaashi!”

Before I could enter the building to our office, I saw Konoha waiting outside as if he’s been there the whole time that I was out. He looked troubled when he saw my state.

Who won’t be? Even I knew that I changed a lot since Yukie came back. I got thinner in just three months coz most of the time, I don’t have an appetite to eat. And sometimes I even vomited what I ate. I have bags under my eyes because of sleep deprivation not made by my work, but made by over thinking. But unfortunately, Bokuto-san doesn’t notice it even though we’re living together. Or maybe he does notice it but just keeps on ignoring it since it’s my fault for making him stay with me.

_Stay with the person he hated the most._

“What do you want? I still have work to do.” I said, the coldness in my voice is visible. I’m still mad at him for telling Bokuto-san the truth. For telling him what we did that ruined his relationship with his beloved Yukie.

“If you don’t have something to say, just leave already.” I was about to go inside when he grabbed my arm and stopped me from leaving. He has a pissed look on his face probably because of the way I treated him but I don’t care.

“Do you even look at yourself in the mirror? Look what’s this stupidity if yours made you! Akaashi you should stop your foolishness! If he didn’t learn to love you then, he won’t love you now! Stop ruining yourself even more than this!” He said full of spite on his voice towards Bokuto-san that made me laugh wryly.

“And who do you think is the one who caused me this pain? Who is the one who makes me stop sleeping peacefully at night? If you just shut your mouth or if you stop meddling with my life, none of this will happen! We were happy, Konoha. I don’t mind that he can’t love me back, I’m already happy with just being with him. But you ruined it! My lies to him piled up because of you! It’s your fault that I’m in this pain so stop preaching when you were the reason why I’m in this hell.” I said with my voice full of hatred that made him have a hurt expression.

“Do you even know why? Do you even asked yourself why I’m doing this? Does it even crossed your mind why I want you to stop prolonging the pain he’s giving you?” Asked Konoha with a painful look on his face but I just looked at him coldly. Because other than hatred, I don’t feel anything for him.

“Whatever your reason is, I don’t know and I don’t care. So please leave me along or I’ll forget that we were once friends.” I said in a cold voice before pulled away from his grasp and left him.

I thought that he will shut his mouth but he didn’t stop there, instead he slapped with the truth that keeps on haunting me every night since I started dating Bokuto-san.

_“Yukie is Bokuto’s world. She was and always be.”_

The truth that crushed my heart into tiny bits, making it hard for me to breathe. But I won’t let him have the satisfaction to see how painful that truth is, so I smiled when I looked back at him. The smile that I’ve been giving to everyone who thought that my relationship with Bokuto-san is perfectly happy. A fake smile that I’m used to give now.

“I know. But him not leaving my side is enough. I can tolerate the pain just simply because, I love him.” I said and left him without heeding to his calls.

I went to the nearest comfort room right after I handed the manuscript to my boss, and like what always happens when I didn’t eat anything, I vomited bile. I laughed painfully as tears escaped in my eyes when I remembered Konoha’s words.

He’s right that I’m just trying to prolong the pain but like what I said, I can’t give up this love of mine that easy even if it hurts so much. I’ve been loving Bokuto-san for so long that I tend to ignore the pain of being neglected ang hated by him.

_I’m used to it…_

_To the feeling of falling apart because of falling in love with him._

_I’m used to it…_

_To the endless pain, loneliness and suffering._

_I’m used to it…_

_To hear that he can’t love me the way I do._

_I’m used to it…_

_To the disgusted look he always gave me when he finally got to know the truth._

_I’m used to it…_

_To hear him call her name on his sleep._

_I’m used to it._

That’s why I’m barely hanging on while wishing that someday, he will finally look at me. That someday, he will finally see me.

_The me who loves him so dearly._

But I guess, wishes are working only for righteous people, unlike me. They only worked for those lovely couple at my favorite café with their hands clasped while staring at each other’s eyes and a sweet smile plastered on their lips.

My vision suddenly blocked by a pair of hands just when I finally met Bokuto-san’s eyes while Yukie is still holding his hand.

“I told you to stop, Akaashi. Let him be happy with the person he loves.” Konoha whispered in anguish behind me before he made me turn around and hug me tight.

I pushed Konoha and walked away from that place. I feel like I’m numbed now with the pain. I just walked and won’t even look back to Konoha who keeps on calling my name. I gone deaf. As if all my senses stopped working all at once.

Even when the rain starts pouring hard, I just keep on walking with no destination in mind. And every step I take, our memories together flashes in my mind like a movie clip.


	4. Melanphoria Part 1 - Chapter 3

**_Melanphoria Part I_ **

_Akaashi Keiji’s POV_

**Chapter Three**

When was it that I fell in love with Bokuto-san? I guess it is cliché to say that I just woke up one day with my soaked underwear after dreaming being beneath him all naked and full of his marks. That’s when I first realized, Bokuto Koutarou is the center of my affection now.

I’m gay. I know it since middle school that I’m not normal. Because when my friends back then always talk about the cute girls in another class, what I had in mind is that the naughtiest guy in our class is cuter than those girls they talked about.

Of course, I hide it. I’m aware that I can be ostracized if I voiced that one out. That’s why I’m so careful even until high school where I met this horned owl who is so hyper when it comes to volleyball.

I’m actually irritated to Bokuto-san sometimes. But whenever he tells me that my tosses are the best, I couldn’t control this irrational beating of my heart. Until one night, he finally made a mess in my dreams when he slept over to my house.

He is just a friend. Bokuto-san is supposed to be just a friend.

_If only he wasn’t the first one who accepted me for being gay._

_If only I didn’t feel this annoying jittery whenever our bodies touched._

_If only I won’t have this deafening heartbeat when he laughs._

_And this hateful jealousy when he’s with Yukie, our manager._

I knew already back then that he likes her. But it’s still painful to hear it from him when they finally got together. I didn’t know how I even managed to act normally back then. When I saw how happy he is with her, I backdown. And to be honest, I planned to forget that feelings of mine for him without confessing it.

But then there’s Konoha. For some reason, he found out about my feelings. I thought that he will be disgusted about it but instead, he helped me. He ruined Bokuto-san and Yukie’s relationship for me.

Konoha was the one who planned everything. He made Yukie drunk when we went out with the team without Bokuto-san’s knowledge, and brought her in a hotel. Konoha made it looked like something happened between him and Yukie that made the latter confessed about it to Bokuto that ends their relationship. I saw how Bokuto-san begged her not to leave him. He insisted that he will still accept her no matter what but she refused and even transferred somewhere else that left Bokuto-san heartbroken.

That’s when I entered the picture. Even though I have this guilty feeling for ruining his relationship, for taking his happiness away, I comforted Bokuto-san when she left. And when he was drunk, I sleep with him.

I already knew that it will be painful since it’s my first time but, I didn’t know that hearing the person you love keeps on calling someone else’s name while thrusting himself inside you is much more painful than being penetrated without being prepared.

It’s hell but it was worth it. Because when he woke up and saw us naked, and my body fall of his marks just like in my dreams, he took responsibility for it. And even without love, I made him mine.

I was so happy.

_Even though it’s fake…_

_His sweetness when we’re with our friends._

But it doesn’t matter coz I was really happy when we were just started dating. I made sure to myself that I will make him fall in love with me. But I guess it’s really impossible for someone straight like him to love a gay person like me.

We don’t kiss and we rarely have sex. We only make love when he’s drunk but when he’s sober, if we do it, I always blindfolding him so he won’t get soft when he sees my naked body. And I keep on suppressing my moans whenever we do it while he’s sober.

He’s only sweet when we’re with my friends and when he’s drunk. But most of the time, he’s cold specially when it’s just the two of us. And when we started living together, I thought that he’s starting to like me coz he was the one who asked me to live with him. But I was wrong.

He started to sleep with girls, I’m not sure if he does but there are times when he went home and he has a woman’s perfume on him. It’s as if he’s making excuses for us to break up but I always beg him not to go. I even harmed myself just to stop him from leaving when he brought a girl on our home once.

I became too desperate that made Konoha confessed the truth to Bokuto-san. And that’s how our so-called relationship become even more hellish. When he gets drunk, he will hold me roughly and when the morning comes, he will look at me with disgusts as if he regrets doing it with me. But I am still okay with that, because I love him so much. I still can tolerate the pain as long as he stays with me. Not until she came back. Yukie came back.

And once again, I begged him not to leave. I used his pity so he won’t leave me before. And now I used his fear of losing Yukie for the second time so he won’t leave me. I made him stay by promising I won’t do anything bad to his beloved. And I really thought that was enough.

_Let him be happy with the person he loves._

I smiled bitterly when I recalled Konoha’s words when I found myself standing in front of our lighted apartment. It’s quite late but I never once received a text or call from him asking my whereabouts.

_I guess your existence doesn’t really matter to him._ My mind said mockingly.

I sighed and tried to ignore what my sarcastic mind said. I was about to enter our home when I heard Yukie’s laugh inside that made me stoned on my feet.

_They sounded happy. Are you sure you want to spoil their fun?_ My sarcastic mind asked that is making it hard for me to breathe.

I tried to hold back my tears and enter the place that I keep on calling our ‘home’. And they stopped chatting on whatever they are talking about over drinks when I entered the house. Yukie looked shocked when she saw me soaked with rain.

“Akaashi! Are you okay? Kou! Give him a towel-”

“I’m okay.” I cut off Yukie’s words and smiled normally.

The worried look on her face looked real. As if she still doesn’t know what I did to their relationship so I pretend too.

“I’m fine. I’ll go to my room to change and rest. Have a good night.” I said and went hurriedly to the single-bed room that our friends used when they want to stay over in our house. I locked myself inside while I silently cried because of this pain I feel in my chest.

It’s painful to see that Bokuto-san doesn’t really care for me. He just had a cold look on his face when our eyes met but when he looked back at her, his gaze became warm.

_It’s too painful and yet I still can’t let go._

I cried until there’s no tears left to fall in my eyes before I changed my clothes I got from the closet where some of my old stuffs are stored. I lay on my bed and tried to sleep but I couldn’t coz I still hear their laughs that is squeezing my heart so tight.

_I can’t breathe._

I don’t know when I fell asleep. I just woke up shivering in cold while Bokuto-san who looked drunk is taking me roughly while calling someone else’s name again. I didn’t push him away and just looked at him blankly as he keeps on doing me. I’m not even erect but it doesn’t bother him. As if he just wanted to punish me because he can’t be with the person he truly loves.

I feel so exhausted. I couldn’t feel anything. I am so numbed. That’s why I just lay there and looked away. I can’t look at him anymore or rather say, I don’t want to see his face anymore. I didn’t even call out his name or look at him when he left after he finished fucking me.

I just cried silently.

And all I have in mind is that…

_I’m tired._


	5. Melanphoria Part 1 - Chapter 4

**_Melanphoria Part I_ **

_Akaashi Keiji’s POV_

**_Chapter Four_ **

"Bokuto-san, wake up! You have training, right? I cooked breakfast. I need to go early today." I woke up Bokuto-san in a lively voice and on my lips plastered a sweet smile. He looked surprised to see me acting like this early in the morning that caught him off guard. I giggled coz of the look on his face and gently pinched his nose.

"Wake up sleepyhead! I need to go now. Make sure you eat your breakfast." I said before leaning closer to give him a peck on the lips before whispering the words that I always keep to myself.

"I love you, Koutarou." I whispered before going, leaving him shocked maybe because it's rare for me to tell him those words. I sighed when I got out of our apartment and smiled bitterly.

It's kind of hard to act normal. To act that you're not in pain. But I have to endure it for a little while. I have to endure this pain a little longer.

_Just a little bit more Bokuto-san... I'll make you happy soon._ I whispered in my head and tried to ignore the sadness that is slowly creeping inside me because of the decision I made last night.

I am so focused with my work that I've been neglecting for the past days that made me forget about the time. Forget my pain for just a little while. And when my work is finally over, I am so famished because what I just ate is the sandwich that my coworker gave me during lunch.

I was about to fix my table when my phone beeps and saw Bokuto-san calling so I immediately answered it with excitement. It's rare for him to call that's why I feel happy somehow.

"Bokuto-san?"

"Hinata wants us to eat out together. I'm picking you up. Are you out now?" He asked that made the block of ice surrounding my heart melted slowly. Again, my heart swayed by him but I let it be since it’ll be the last time that I will let my heart get pampered by his insincerity towards me.

He said that he's outside so I hurriedly went to where he's waiting. My heart races when I saw him on his team's uniform standing outside the building while looking at the stars. It's been a while since I get the chance to stare at him like this.

_And probably, would be the last._ My mind said that tear me up a little.

"Bokuto-san..." I called him in an unusual jolly voice that made his brows raised.

"You're being weird, Akaashi. I'm warning you. The moment you do something against Yukie again, I'll leave you." He hissed that trample the little happiness I feel earlier because he picked me up.

A weak smile formed my lips. "Don't worry Bokuto-san... I won't."

He didn't say a thing again after that and walked his way to the pub we're meeting our friends. It’s hard to breathe because of the prickling pain in my heart. I feel like vomiting again because of the pain but I try to endure it and just followed him silently, looking at his broad back with sadness in my eyes.

_Will you even miss me when I'm gone?_

A bitter smile escaped my lips to that thought. Why did I even bother to think that he will? For sure he will be the happiest when I'm gone. Because finally he can be free to be with the person he truly loves.

_He will be with his world._

_While I’d be losing mine._

_But it’s okay. If it’s what will make him happy._

"You're so slow." Bokuto-san said that made me comeback to my senses before he held my hand and drag me gently.

It felt sad and lonely even now that he's holding my hand. His warm hand is clasped with mine but I still feel cold. I guess it’s because…

_I’ve already woken up from the reality…_

_Because I know this is fake._

_Because I know that what he's showing me is an act_

_His warmth is fake._

But I didn't pull away. I want to enjoy this last moments I'll have with him before I leave. Even though it's fake. I want to make this last night of ours, happy.

When we came in the pub, I plastered my practiced smile and enjoy the night with them. Bokuto-san got drunk faster than the usual so we have to leave early again. I let him rest on my lap while we're on the taxi and just gaze at him the whole ride. Trying to memorize his face, engraving it to my memory.

_Not the one who was on top of me last night._

I gently cupped his face that woke him up but he didn't move and just stare at me with his eyes filled with sadness like mine that made me guilty and regret all what I did.

_If only I didn’t take Konoha’s hand, he won’t be like this._

_If only I didn’t act selfishly, I can still stay beside him._

_If only I didn’t love him…_

_I won’t be a sinner._

_A sinner who’s only salvation is Adam._

_And that Adam is Bokuto Koutarou._

"I'm sorry." I whispered softly at him with tears clouding my eyes. He gently wiped my tears that made my heart aches more but I can’t stop him from doing it.

_Please don’t make my heart sway, Bokuto-san. I’ve decided to make you happy so stop it._ I begged in mind.

"Akaashi...it's painful." He murmured on his drunken state.

"What is?" I asked.

"Being with you... I feel like I'm being stabbed here." He pointed his heart, "Every time I see you. It's... Suffocating." I look away to suppress my tears from falling. His words are not a knife anymore that could cut deeply in my heart, rather It's more like a venom that kills me instantly.

He went back to sleep once again and I just woke him up when we're in front of our apartment. I tucked him in bed and was about to get some water when he pulled me and embraced me tight. As if he doesn’t want me to let go. But I know it too well.

I guess he's thinking about her again but I was wrong when he called my name instead of hers.

"Akaashi..." He said my name for the first time that somehow makes me wanted to stay again.

"Y-yes Bokuto-san?"

"It's your fault." He murmured those three words that made me smile weakly. I guess it’s really wrong to get my hopes up. Because he will never tell me those three words that I’ve been wanting to hear.

"I know. I'm sorry." I answered.

I pulled away from his embrace and looked at him with tears in my eyes while he just stared at me drunkenly.

"Don't worry Bokuto-san... I'll be taking this pain in your heart with me now." I said in tears while still trying to keep the smile on my lips.

"Hmm?" He wiped my tears and, in his eyes, pain could be seen on it. It must be pain because I keep selfishly.

I didn't answer him, instead I kissed him for the last time and felt a bit happy when he kissed me back. But I pulled away before the kiss deepens and smiled at him once more. The kind of smile that I used to give him before, - a serene and sincere smile.

"Sleep tight, Bokuto-san." I whispered when he closed his eyes.

I stayed a bit more by his side and watch him sleep before I had the courage to step out of our room and go to the empty room where I spend my last night with him and get some of my things that I needed. I only take all my necessary things and leave a letter on the bedside table together with the house key.

I sighed in defeat and take a last look to this place that I spend years with him taking all the sad memories with me and left.

"Akaashi."

Tears clouded my eyes when I saw him outside Bokuto-san and I's apartment looking at me with a worried expression on his face like when he saw me yesterday.

"Are you sure about this?" He asked when I got closer to him. He tapped my back as I continue to cry this pain in my heart.

He sighed. "Akaashi..."

I looked at him when he called my name again. In a soft and gentle manner.

"Osamu..." Concern could be seen on his eyes but he just let me speak my mind.

"It's... It's so painful... I feel like... I'm dying..." I cried out loud, he pulled me for an embrace and just let me cry it all out.


	6. Melanphoria Part 1 - Chapter 5

**_Melanphoria Part I_ **

_Akaashi Keiji’s POV_

**Chapter Five**

"Are you getting used to farm life?" Kita-san asked when we're walking home from harvesting rice on his wide rice field and glance at me.

I nod my head with a smile and feel the afternoon breeze that is blowing in my face. Enjoying the scenery of the place where I run away to since I set free Bokuto-san.

It's been half a year since I left the city life without anyone knowing where I am aside from Osamu. I didn't change my contact, I just turned off my phone and just call my family from time to time to give them updates using Kita-san’s number. They already knew that I broke up with Bokuto-san and they didn’t ask me the reason why.

That night when Osamu picked me up, he brought me here and I have been in Kita-san's care since then. They didn't ask anything what really happened that made me decide to leave, even when I asked them to not tell Atsumu that I'm with Kita-san. Although Osamu is conflicted about it since he can't lie to his twin but still agreed on my plea when I told him that he doesn't have to lie, that he just need to keep silent about it. Besides, they won't look for me anyway.

_He won't look for me anyway._

It was hard at first. I always wake up in the middle of the night crying because even in my dreams, I still keep on chasing Bokuto-san. I still keep on vomiting whenever I eat a lot but with the help of Kita-san and Osamu, slowly, I got better. I still feel pain whenever I accidentally see Kita-san watching MSBY's recorded match and Bokuto-san would be seen on the screen with a bright smile on his face. Slapping me with the truth that he doesn't get affected even the slightest when I left.

"How are you lately?" Kita-san asked when we finally got home that made me come back to my senses.

We sat on the porch of their traditional Japanese house and stared at the tangerine sky that reminds me of Hinata. And it somehow made me missed my friends and feel a little guilty because basically, I cut off my communications with them. For sure, Kenma is so pissed off with me now.

I sighed before answering Kita-san’s question.

"I'm fine. I rarely wake up in the middle of the night like before. And when I do, I'm not crying anymore. But I must admit, the pain is still there even though I already accepted the truth."

"What truth?"

I met Kita-san's gaze and smile sadly.

"That I'm not his world."

_That Bokuto-san belongs to Yukie._ I said in mind the last set of words.

Kita-san sighed and tapped my shoulder.

"I don't know what you're going through but I'm here. Osamu and I will always be here for you. You can stay longer or if you want just settle here forever and be my farmer buddy." He jokingly said that made us both laughed.

"Am I getting good at it?" Kita-san avoided my gaze as if telling me that I still suck in farming like the first time when he invited me to come and join him instead of confining myself in my room.

We both chuckled as if he too remembered how I fell on the muddy field when I got off-balanced. Osamu was laughing so hard when I got home that time when he saw my muddy lower half as if I dipped myself in the mud.

"Thank you, Kita-san." I whispered after a long and peaceful silence between us.

"For what?"

"For everything. If not because of you and Samu, I won't be enjoying this peacefulness. I'm still the same Akaashi who couldn't let the man he loves go because of his selfishness." I said sincerely.

Kita-san sighed and stood up on his seat and stretched.

"I didn't do anything. I just gave you a place to live. The rest is because of your hard work so thank yourself too." He said before he left to wash up.

"That's right, you worked hard." Osamu said behind me right after Kita-san left, holding a plate of his special onigiri and placed it beside us before he sat to where Kita-san was sitting earlier.

I smiled. "Thanks to you too, Samu. If not because of you I might be de-"

He stuffed an onigiri in my mouth before I could even finish my sentence and looked at the now starry sky.

"I hate dramatic things. Like Kita-san said, we didn't do anything. I just happened to be there when you're suffering. I'm just the person who pulled you out from the quicksand you were in. Thank yourself for being strong." He said that made me realized that he's more mature in life unlike his twin brother who only acts mature when it's about Hinata and Volleyball.

I just smiled and eat the onigiri he gave to me and changed our topic. We talked about random things until Kita-san asked me to take a bath too before the water in the bath gets cold.

"By the way, it'll be our birthday next weekend. Do you think you can come to Tokyo and celebrate it with us? It's just us with our former team mates. Atsumu's not included since he wants to celebrate with his lover of course. We're going to do it in my store after work." Osamu asked before I went inside the house.

They are both looking at me, patiently waiting for my reply as if they made a bet about it.

I chuckled. "Sure. It's not like I'm running away from him anyway. I just kept my distance so he could be free."

Osamu punch in the air while Kita-san looked at me with a betrayed look on his face.

"What? What did I do?" I asked innocently.

"You just made me lose a lot of money, Akaashi. Now you have to pay it back with your body." He said in a cold voice but I can see the amusement in his eyes.

"K-kita-san...that's... That's kinda lewd." The amusement on his eyes turned into glare when he looked at Samu who immediately kneeled and put his hands up in the air that made me laugh out loud.

I think it's the first time that I tear up laughing with sincere happiness after I broke up with Bokuto-san.

And it felt really good.

To laugh like this without faking it.


	7. Melanphoria Part 1 - Chapter 6

**_Melanphoria Part I_ **

_Akaashi Keiji’s POV_

**Chapter Six**

"Akaashi you're drinking too much, you dummy!" Osamu snatched the nth glass of beer that Suna-san gave to me and hand me something to eat instead.

"I don't get drunk easily." I said that made Suna teased him for being so over protective with me that just made Samu’s face turned red for some reason.

We've been drinking for hours now and some of them are already knocked out. I got used to drinking because of my former work but I didn't know that Kita-san is also like me, Samu and Suna who has a high tolerance in alcohol coz he doesn't look like one.

I'm having fun in their company though I was a bit anxious at first when we're traveling back in Tokyo once again. I am bit afraid that I might end up meeting Bokuto-san with the person he loves coincidentally. But like what Kita-san said while we're traveling to Osamu's store, Tokyo is too big for us to meet unless it's fated.

"I'll start cleaning up now. Suna, help me throw out the trash." Kita-san said after chugging the beer Suna gave in one shot.

"What trash?" Suna, Osamu, and I asked in unison.

Kita-san looked around us where the rest of their former team mates are scattered that made us all laugh.

Suna stood up from his seat and went outside with Kita-san to call a cab for the wasted while I slowly took the beer beside Osamu who's not looking at the moment and drink it in one go, before he could even take the glass from me. I laughed heartily when he pouted like a kid. I think I'm getting drunk but...

"These feels nice." I voiced out what I had in mind that made the man beside me smile sweetly.

"It's good to know that you're having fun." Osamu said before pouring me a drink this time as if letting me enjoy this moment.

I didn't get to say anything when his phone vibrates on the table. He looked pale when he reads the message, he got from someone but before he could even tell me what's going on, his twin entered the store, along with Hinata, Kiyoomi, Tsukishima and the man that I freed from my shackles, who are all looked surprised when they saw me with Osamu alone with their other wasted former team mates scattered everywhere.

I didn't dare to look at Bokuto-san because I'm afraid that if I do, my heart will get swayed once again. That it will open the wound that I tried to stitch for the past six months.

"W-why are you here?" Atsumu asked but before I could even answer his question, Osamu put his arm on my shoulder and answered his twin's question with a serious expression written on his face.

"Why? Am I not allowed to invite my lover to my birthday?" Osamu talked back that surprised not only them but also me.

Osamu looked at me as if telling me to just go along with it so I smiled the way I did before. The practiced smile I always gave them when I'm still with Bokuto-san. I didn't dare to look at him to see his reaction because I know that he wouldn't get affected with it anyway since I'm sure that six months is enough for him and Yukie to get back together.

_Enough for him to forget the pain I gave him when I took him away from his happiness._

_Enough for them to start over._

But I was wrong.

"Lover? Since when? As far as I remember, he's mine. He's my lover who run away from home!" Bokuto-san said angrily that made me finally look at him.

I shivered and my heart pounded so fast when I saw him glaring at us with his hand clenched into a fist. As if anytime he's ready to go berserk specially when Samu leaned a little closer to me and whispered after putting something in my hand under the table.

"H-hey Samu. Don't j-joke around like that. Ya know Akaashi is B-Bo-kun's-"

I stood up and smiled at them trying so hard that it won’t look tensed.

"I'll go now, Samu. Happy Birthday Tsumu." I cut off Atsumu's words.

I tapped Samu's shoulder and without clearing anything about my relationship with Samu, I walked towards the door to leave. I met Tsuki's eyes so I gave him an apologetic look when I walk pass them and avoid Bokuto-san's eyes before I step out the store without looking back.

I immediately went to the alley next to Osamu's store where his apartment is located, with trembling knees. I did expect that I might see him but I didn't expect that kind of reaction from him.

_Why does he looked so mad now, when I already gave him the freedom he wanted?_ I asked myself.

It's impossible that he didn't see the letter and the key on our spare room. He's not dumb to realize what that letter means. Besides, when I didn't come back, he should have understood already that we're done. I made sure that my letter means that I'm breaking up with him, but why does our friends looked surprised on Osamu's words earlier, as if they didn't know that Bokuto-san and I are through?

My head hurts because of the questions pondering in my head that I can't give an answer to, so I tried to erase it in my head. I was about to take the stairs to the second floor where Osamu's apartment is, when a strong hand grabbed my arm and pushed me to the wall, imprisoning me with the cold concrete behind me and his body that feels warm because of his rage.

"Is it true?! You're with him in the past six months that you're gone missing?!" Bokuto-san didn't shout when he asked me that but his voice and the way he looked at me is quite dangerous.

I couldn't utter a single word because it's the first time that I saw him like this. He never once had this kind of expression when he found out what Konoha and I did to his relationship.

"That bastard dared to tell me that you're his?! When did we broke up? We never did Akaashi!" He said furiously that made my brows knot. He’s not that dumb to not see the letter I left for him so why is he acting like he didn’t?

"I left you a letter-"

"What? That piece of paper telling me that I'm free? I never approved of it Akaashi. You just left on your own! And now someone else is claiming that you're his!?"

I gasped in shock and fear when he punched the wall behind me while angrily glared at me with his round golden-colored eyes that looked even more dangerous with the little light that shines on us.

"I'm..." I looked at him in the eye trying to hide the fear because of this side of him that I haven't seen before by acting cold.

I don't know why he's acting like this but it doesn't matter. I just want to get away from him before my heart betray me again now that our body is just inches away from each other.

I sighed to erase the unnecessary things in my head and looked at him coldly.

"I already said in the letter what I wanted to say. If it's not clear to you, then I'll say it now. Let's break u-"

My words were cut off when he angrily crushed his lips with mine while his hand on my nape pulling my head closer to him and the other hand cupping my face, pinning me on the wall beside me with his body making it hard for me to escape.

I tried pushing him but I didn't know when he gets this strong because I feel like I'm pushing a wall in front of me. but then suddenly, his way of kissing changed from being forceful to being gentle, licking my lips that got chapped from his forceful kiss earlier, making it hard for me not to respond.

_Making it hard for my heart not to get swayed._

I don't know if it's because I drink too much or because of the way he kisses me, I close my eyes and let all my inhibitions gone. I respond to his kisses and even encircled my arms on his nape, giving him more access to deepen our kiss. Making me even weaker than before.

"Akaashi..." He whispered my name in between kisses that made me comeback to my senses and pushed him away.

He gently touched my blushing face and brushed my lips with his thumb while looking at me with longing in his eyes that I never saw before.

"Let's go-"

Before he could finish his words, Osamu pulled me away from him and hide me on his back.

"He's not coming with you." Osamu declared while holding my hand tight.

"Who are you to say that?" Bokuto-san said in irritation.

"Me? Did you forget already what I said earlier? Keiji's mine. So back off!" Osamu said.

His words made Bokuto-san snapped, and the next thing I know...

They're having a brawl in that alley that made our friends rushed to where we are to stop them.


	8. Melanphoria Part 1 - Chapter 7

**_Melanphoria Part I_ **

_Akaashi Keiji’s POV_

**Chapter Seven**

"What do you think you're doing you lowlife punks?"

Kita-san with his hands crossed on his chest asked the three bruised legal-aged guys kneeling on the floor with their hands in the air, still glaring with each other. Suna and Hinata are trying to suppress their laughs, afraid that Kita-san might asked them to kneel down like the three. While Tsukishima and Kiyoomi are just watching Bokuto-san and Osamu with disgust because of how embarrassing they acted just a while ago.

It was such a mess earlier when they heard the two fighting. They wouldn't stop even Kiyoomi and Atsumu tried to stop both of them. Atsumu was even punched by Osamu that made him joined the brawl. And that's what the scene Kita-san and Suna saw when they arrived after calling a cab for their wasted friends.

"Why am I even included? I just tried to stop them but Samu punched me!" Atsumu whined but shut his mouth when he saw the cold stare Kita-san gave him.

Tsukishima nudged my shoulder and motion me to come with him outside so I stood up to my seat and followed him after avoiding Bokuto-san's eyes. I saw in my peripheral that he was about to stand up if only Samu didn't stop him from leaving. But unlike earlier, I am not anxious because I know that they won't make a scene like what they did earlier since Kita-san is with them.

"Are you really dating Osamu-san?" Tsuki asked bluntly right after I closed the door of the store behind us.

He looked at me with a serious look on his face while waiting for my explanation that I denied them for the past six months. I sighed and shook my head because if it's Tsuki, I can't lie.

"But why are you with him? Wait are you really with him like he claimed when you went MIA?" His brows crooked and like earlier, I didn't say a word and just nod at him.

I don't know what to say anyway. I can't tell him why I left because I don't want him to think bad about Bokuto-san when I'm the one in wrong here.

Tsukishima sighed. "I don't understand, Akaashi-san. Did you break up with Bokuto-san? He just said that you left but he never mentioned about you two breaking up."

"Tsuki... When a person left you, doesn't it mean that they want to end whatever relationship you have with them?" I asked in a tiring voice that made him silent for a minute.

"Does it have something to do with the girl he hugged during their match with Argentina? Did he cheat on you?" He asked irritation could be heard on his voice.

I smiled and tapped his back. "No Tsuki. If there's one who's in the wrong, it's me."

Tsukishima looked at me with a confused expression.

I chuckled. "Don't think about it that much. I just gave him back to his world."

I said to end our discussion and went back inside to get my things when I bumped with Bokuto-san who was about to go out to follow me and Tsuki. He looked anxious when he saw me.

"Akaashi..."

Bokuto-san has a worried look on his face and that's when I noticed that he loses some weight. He has bags under his eyes as if he hasn't getting enough sleep lately.

"Keiji, let's go. I'll send you hom- aw!"

I looked away from Bokuto-san when Osamu who's still kneeling, called me using my first name for the second time that made Kita-san slap his head. I giggled when he pouted like a little kid that made me forget that Bokuto-san is just in front of him.

"Stop provoking that owl you lowlife creature!" Kita-san said before he looked at me.

"Do something about that owl while I discipline this notorious fox. Remember what I told you earlier?" I nod when I remembered how he called this thing, fate.

"I'll just take my things." I said to Bokuto-san without looking at him.

I took my things and walked to where Samu is, pulled out my hanky and wipe the blood from the corner of his mouth, whispering the words I didn't manage to tell him.

"Thanks, Samu and sorry that you got hurt because of me. Don't worry, I'll be fine. I'm not the same Keiji anymore." I said with a smile to lessen his worry and handed him the key to his apartment that he gave me earlier.

"Are you sure?" He mumbled so I nod.

He sighed. "You know where to go anyway. Don't get swayed." He whispered enough for me to hear and ruffled my hair like it's natural between us.

I know that he doesn't have feelings for me, that he's just doing it to protect me from having those nightmares again because we're friends. That's why I needed to do this, I need to properly end things between me and Bokuto-san coz I don't want to stay like this forever.

"Akaashi let's go." Bokuto-san's angry voice ruined the fluffy mood between us that made Osamu scowl. I shook my head with a smile and said my goodbye to everyone in there before I followed Bokuto-san outside.

He has a blank expression on his face when I met his gaze. He didn't say a word and just called a cab since it's quite late now to travel in train. We are both quite in the cab while we're traveling to his apartment.

_His because it's not my place anymore. And I don’t even know if he’s still staying at our old place._

I just look at the window trying to process in mind what should I tell him later. I'm still confused on the way he acts but I don't want to ponder over it. All I have to do is end things between us calmly and formally.

_Because, I want to start over with my life now, without this heavy feeling in my heart for ruining his life._

_For taking him away from his world._

_I want to laugh heartily without faking it, like that one time with Samu and Kita-san._

_I want to forgive myself for making Bokuto-san's life miserable._

_And most of all, I want to love again. But this time, I'd make sure that it's meant for me. That it's not something taken by force._

_I don't want to get pitied again. I don't want to experience that kind of suffering again._

_I want to love and be loved in return._

_I want to forget this excess feeling of mine towards Bokuto-san._

_I want to unlove him._

_No, I need to unlove him._

Those were my thoughts when I entered his place that I once called home. I'm surprised that he didn't move out or nothing changes on it except to the cans of beer scattered everywhere.

"Akaashi..."

He hugged me from the back before I could take off my shoes. Holding me tight as if he doesn't want me to let go, resting his chin to my shoulder. I stiffened on his sudden attack but when I smelled the alcohol in him, I get back to my senses.

Of course, he acts like this because he had a drink before they went to Samu's store earlier. And him seeing me with someone else, hearing someone else took a claim on me in front of our friends, his pride got hurt. How naive of me to get swayed by his warmth, his kisses and his reaction that is all fake for sure.

I didn't pull away or answer him. I just feel so tired in everything. The place that I once loved to go home to, feels suffocating now.

"Bokuto-san."

Even calling his name that I loved before, leaves a bitter taste in my mouth now.

"Hmm..." He murmured.

"I love you." I whispered softly that made him embraced me tighter.

I gently take his hands off of me and faced him.

"I love you, Koutarou." I repeated while holding his hands, but I ignored the way his eyes sparkled.

"I love you, Koutarou Bokuto." And then I gave him a tired smile and released his hands from my grasp.

"But I'm ending it now."


	9. Melanphoria Part 1 - Chapter 8

**_Melanphoria Part I_ **

_Akaashi Keiji’s POV_

**Chapter Eight**

"Hey, are you alright?"

Tears starts to fall in my eyes when I saw Osamu waiting outside of my old apartment with his motorbike. I don't know why he's here but I felt relieved when I saw him after I formally bid my goodbye to my first love. He held me on his arms and let me cry just like back then when he first picked me up from the vortex of Melanphoria I am in.

_For the second time, he saved me again._

He's warm and comforting. And I'm glad that I met someone like him and Kita-san. They're the one who helped me to love myself more. Helped me realize that I'm still worthy regardless of what I did in the past.

"Shh...it's okay. You'll be alright Akaashi. You've been there before, you're stronger now." Osamu said while gently rubbing my back as I keep on cry it all out.

_The pain that accumulated inside me._

_The suffering I get from loving someone I shouldn't._

_The loneliness of being neglected._

_The little happiness that made me keep holding on._

_And the memories of us that kept me from leaving his side for the past years that I spent on loving him one-sidedly._

I'm just proud of myself because I managed to tell him those words without shedding a single tear. I don't want him to see that I'm still hurting. I don't want him to know that he can still make me swayed by him. I pulled away from Samu's embrace and wiped the tears using the hanky he gave to me and looked at him with puffy eyes.

"You're so ugly damn it!" Osamu joked that made me smile a little. He cupped my face and squish it with both of his hands, making my lips pout that made him laugh so hard.

"Staph lafheng! Ayl khil you!" I tried to talk but it just made him laugh even more louder that I had to cover his mouth with my hands.

He stopped squishing my face still trying to suppress his laugh and handed me his extra helmet.

"Let's go to my favorite place while it's still my birthday." He said and put on his helmet and ride on his motorbike.

"You dummy! We had a drink earlier are you crazy?" I said after realizing that he drove here even though he drank a lot earlier.

Osamu smiled. "I didn't. I'm the one cooking for everyone, remember? Besides, I've been meaning to ask you for a stroll after the party that's why I didn't drink any alcohol for safety purposes."

He confessed that made me wonder what happened to all the beer that Suna is giving him. My eyes widened when I realized that he's been giving it to Aran-san that's why he was the first to get wasted.

"Oh, I got busted." He said chuckling to his own cunningness.

I immediately put on my helmet, ride on the back of his motorbike and then we go to his favorite place. I don't mind going anywhere anyway and besides, I like the feeling of the cold night breeze that gently brushing to my body.

"Hold on tight, I know it's cold." Osamu said when he pulled my hand and make me embrace him tightly. I do what he says without complaining since it's the truth anyway.

The heat coming from his body feels nice in this cold night. And it made me realized that I'm still lucky. Coz even though I'm unlucky with the person I love, I'm still lucky to the friends that I acquired.

The drive didn't take long, maybe because my mind is wandering somewhere else or maybe it's because Osamu drives really fast but it doesn't matter anyway. What matters to me is the place that he brought me to.

"Are you serious? This is your favorite place?" I asked that he just answered with a nod after handing me a plastic full of sparklers and drag me to the entrance of the building.

"Miya-kun! I thought you're not coming! I've been waiting since earlier." Greeted the old man who's probably on duty tonight.

Samu gave him another plastic bag and in exchange, the old man gave him a key and let us in.

"Hey, what are we doing here in Inarizaki?" I asked in curiosity but he just drag me inside the building and went to the roof top where he used the key he got from the guard.

I didn't ask for more when I see why this has become his favorite place. The view from the roof top is mesmerizing. It's not the lights coming from the houses and buildings but the stars.

It's rare to see lots of stars in Tokyo that’s why I learned to appreciate the life here in Hyogo. But I didn’t know that this place here is the best for stargazing.

"You like it?" Osamu asked after he lay a big blanket on the ground that I didn't know he had. I nod my head vigorously with a wide smile on my lips so he pulled me beside him, making me sit right next to him.

"Every time I'm down, I go back here and stay here until morning." Samu said with a smile on his face as if reminiscing the past.

He lay down with his hands as pillow and stare at the starry sky. I did the same and it feels nice. As if the stars took all my troubles away even just for a while.

"Care to tell me what happened to your talk?" Samu asked for the first time that made me look at him when I felt his eyes on me.

"It's okay if you don't want to."

I gaze back at the star and sighed. "I told him that I'm ending this love of mine."

"I'm proud of you that you didn't get swayed. You're not fragile anymore." He chuckled when I slapped his shoulder lightly.

"He didn't stop you?"

I smiled wryly. "Why would he? He doesn't love me."

Samu remained silent.

"I'm a hypocrite if I don't say that I hoped for him to stop me from leaving, like I always do. And it hurts when he didn't. He just kept his head down after I told him that I'm going to stop loving him. He didn't even look at me when I left." I said and starting to tear up again.

Samu wiped the tear that fell in my eyes with his thumb and gave me a reassuring smile.

"You did a good job leaving." He said with a proud smile on his face.

I sighed and gaze back at the starry sky with a sad smile plastered on my lips.

"But I should admit, I don't know how to start over. I still feel like I'm lost in a pitch-black place after losing the brightest star that's giving my world a light."

Samu sighed.

"I don't know what to say but somehow I understand what you've been going through since Tsumu always pester me before because of Hinata." He said while scowling as if he had a really hard time because of it.

"Love is already complicated in heterosexual relationship but it is more complicated in your case. But I don't blame you. If there's someone who we should blame to your misery, it's that child of Aphrodite who shoots his arrow without aiming properly." He sounds irritated that made me laugh.

Samu looked at me with a wondering look on his face. "Are you okay? You're being weird Akaashi. What's funny?"

"I just remembered how Tsuki used to call that son of Aphrodite." I said in between laugh.

"What? He's Cupid, right?" Samu asked with his crooked brows.

"Normally we call him that, but not for Tsuki. He used to call him, Diapered-asshole." I said that made him laughed.

"Well he deserves to be called like that." He agreed. That's how the mood lighten between us. We talked random things that made me forget a little about my broken heart.

_Forget Bokuto-san a little._

"You still love him, right?" Samu asked out of the blue while we're lighting the sparklers that we almost forgot that we have.

"Of course. It's not easy to forget that easily. I still do love him." I answered while staring at the little light given by the sparkler.

"What if he's the one who will run after you this time? Will you take him back?" He asked and light another sparkler and give it to me.

"Honestly, I don’t know. I might. But it's not going to be easy." I said and looked at Samu.

"It's hard to give your trust and heart to the same person who broke and trample it right? I'm traumatized. When I saw him earlier, memories of my suffering when we're still together flashes in my mind and I thought, I don't want to experience that thing anymore." I said that made him silent.

"I still do love him but, I want to value myself more this time. And I want to forget those memories of us that's giving me nightmares every night. So, it's not going to be easy and it'll take long." I answered firmly.

"Well if ever he does run after you, I hope it isn't too late for him. And he has to get passed through me first. I'll hang you, upside down if you let you take him back without my consent." Samu said that made me giggle.

We changed our topic again and totally stopped talking about my failed relationship for the rest of the night. And I don't know if it's because of too much crying or the alcohol I drank that I end up falling asleep to his stories. And I just woke up from Samu's gentle voice calling my name while tapping my shoulders.

"Akaashi...Wake up, it's almost time." He whispered.

I slowly opened my eyes and sit facing the railings of the rooftop wandering what is he talking about. My sleepiness disappeared when I saw the view of the rising sun. And I feel relieved for some reason. As if the weigh has been lifted.

"You like it?" Samu asked that made me look at him with a light-heart.

"I love it."

He smiled and put his arm on my shoulder.

"You lost your star that gives you light, let me give you a new one right there." Samu said and as if on cue, the sun slowly goes up giving light to the whole place, making the darkness disappear.

"Thanks, Samu." I whispered and looked at him with a sincere smile on my face with tears in my eyes.

_Tears of relief._

"Let's make this day the start of Keiji Akaashi's new life. You're now reborn. But this time... Value this more." Samu said while pointing at my left chest.

"You only have one heart, Akaashi. Give it to someone who will cherish it this time." He said with a gentle smile plastered on his lips.

And for some reason...

_That made my heart skipped a beat._


	10. Melanphoria Part 1 - Chapter 9

**_Melanphoria Part I_ **

_Akaashi Keiji’s POV_

**Chapter Nine**

**_From : MyaaSam_ **

_Aachi?_

_I'm out soon Myaa-Sam. Why?_

_Nothing._

_I'll pick you up with vroom vroom._

_Lmao! Vroom vroom?_

_Are you a kid? Hahaha!_

_What about your store?_

_I closed it early. It's your off tomorrow so let's drink._

_I'll buy chicken before I pick you up._

_I already stuffed our fridge with beer._

_See you aachi!_

_Lol! Okay._

_See you soon MyaaSam!_

I couldn't refrain myself from smiling when I put down my phone beside me and went back to work. It's been a month since I went back to my old work. Tenma-san contacted me through Samu asking me to come back to work and be his editor again that I gladly accept.

After that talk I had with Samu at Inarizaki rooftop, slowly I start over. He lent me a room when I went back to Tokyo since he has a room to spare. I bought another phone but I didn't throw the old one and just store it without opening it again. I also made a new social media account and deleted my old one. Kenma contacted me after he got my new number from Hinata and I got scolded not because I gone MIA but because I didn't tell him what I've been going through. He asked to meet up but because of work, I still can't decide the date to meet them, - my setter squad.

I checked the time and hurriedly got off to work with excitement that made my co-workers have a wondering look on their faces when I left, since it hasn't been so long since I resigned like I'm on the verge of dying.

"Aachi!"

My smile widened when I saw Samu waving at me from a distance so I walk towards him right away.

"You've worked hard." He greeted when I got close to him and put in me the extra helmet he brought and handed me the box of chicken that he bought on his way here.

"Did you wait long?" I asked when I got on his motorbike.

"You're worth the wait so it's fine." He said that made me blushed.

I'm just thankful that he couldn't see my expression because he will surely tease me about it. One thing I learned when I started living together with him is that he's the clingy type when you get closer, the side that he couldn't show when he's staying over in Kita-san's house when I'm still on the run because he'll be punished for sure. And aside from that, he's actually super sweet and caring. When I'm doing overtime work, he always picks me up. And we always eat together no matter what time I get home. On top of it all, there are times that he will just text me to tell that he will pick me up just like now.

And it's making it hard for me not to develop a crush on him.

We couldn't talk much on our way home because I can't hear him but from time to time, he keeps checking on me from the side mirror and give me a sweet smile whenever our eyes meet. And there it is again, that uncontrollable rapid beating of my heart that started that day where we spend the night in Inarizaki High's rooftop. I'm trying not to think about it too much but he always does things that could make my heart restless.

"I'll park vroom vroom so get inside and rest first. I'll heat the bath when I'm done here." Samu said when we finally arrived home.

I nod and was about to go up to our apartment when he stopped me from leaving. He looked at me with a blank look on his face.

"What is it?" I asked in wonder.

"You're forgetting something, Aachi-chan." He said and pouted like a kid.

I couldn't help but laugh when he acts cute. If there's another thing that I forgot mentioning about him, it is that he always acts cute when it's just the two of us. And he gave me a nickname after I accidentally called him Myaa-Sam before and take not, he’s still teasing me for that.

I smiled when he scowled and hugged him tight. "I'm home, Myaa-Sam."

He hugged me tighter.

"Welcome home, Aachi-chan." He whispered in my ear that made my heart gone wild again so I pulled away from his embrace and went up to our apartment without looking back at him.

I know it's not normal to greet like that, but he said that the best way to lessen a person's tiredness is to feel someone else's warmth. And that is the reason that I always think to convince myself that this is still normal between friends. I went in my room to get a change of clothes and lay on my bed a little to calm myself a bit. Scolded my heart for acting weirdly. I just ended my unrequited love and yet here I am again, crushing to another straight guy.

It's just a month since I ended everything with Bokuto-san but during that time, I rarely thought about him or rather say, Samu never gave me a chance to think about my ex at all.

He keeps on making my heart beats like crazy every time. I don't know if Samu is doing it on purpose but he's doing a great job on making me feel conscious about him.

"Aachi your bath is ready." Samu knocked on my door that made me comeback to my senses so I hurriedly get up on bed and take my change of clothes to take a quick bath.

Everything is already settled on the coffee table when I got out of the bath and I chuckled when I saw Samu patiently waiting on the couch holding a hair dryer with a wide smile on his lips, his face a bit red. So, I sat on the floor without complaint and let him blow-dry my hair without asking why his face is so red.

I opened a can of beer when I saw that there's one empty can already and was about to drink it when he embraced me from the back after turning off the hair dryer, put it down and rested his chin to my shoulders.

"I like your smell, Aachi." He murmured while keep on sniffing my neck that is making me ticklish but I tried to ignore it and acts normally even though he's making it hard for me to breathe due to this sudden sweetness of his.

I chuckled and ruffled his hair without looking at him, afraid that my heart will go out of its cage if I met his gaze when he's this sweet.

"This feels nice." He murmured that made me look at him because of the way he talks. Samu looked at me with a sweet smile plastered on his lips and he's definitely looked like he is drunk already.

"Myaa-Sam..." I called him with amusement.

"Hmm?" He bit his lips as if he's refraining himself from grinning.

"You just had one beer. Are you drunk already?" I asked trying to suppress my laugh.

This is the first time that we're going to have a drink since we lived together. And I'm not sure about his alcohol tolerance since he didn't really drink that time when we're celebrating his birthday. I smiled at him when I realized that his tolerance with the alcohol is even weaker to Bokuto-san. And I find it cute somehow.

"Keiji..." He called my name that made me comeback to my senses.

He's staring at me intently that is making me conscious, making my heart acts wantonly without my permission so I tried to look away but I didn't get to do it because of the next thing he does. He pulled me closer to close the distance of our lips and kissed me with so much gentleness.

And it's hard not to get swayed by it.

So...

_I kissed him back even when I'm sober_.


	11. Melanphoria Part 1 - Chapter 10

**_Melanphoria Part I_ **

_Akaashi Keiji’s POV_

**Chapter Ten**

"Keiji..." Samu whispered my name in between kisses and pulled away a little and stare at me with loving eyes.

No words left my mouth when the embarrassment creeps on me but I didn't move and just stay on my seat and tried to act normal. But I doubt that he will buy it since I could feel my cheeks burning in embarrassment. A sweet smile plastered on his lips before he sits properly on the couch. And when I thought that the fluff is over, Samu pulled me up and make me sit on his lap facing him.

"M-myaa-Sam put me dow-"

Before I could even finish my words, he claimed my lips once more but this time, it's more passionate than the first one. More demanding. And more wanting.

And just like earlier, I kissed back.

When his tongue seeks for entrance, I let him in. And as he playfully teased my tongue, his hand carefully wanders inside my clothes leaving its warmth to my skin that it touches. A soft moan escaped my mouth when gently bite my lower lip before he planted soft wet kisses to my jaw and slowly moved to my neck and sucked on it as if he's marking me. While his hand inside my shirt plays on my tits, pinching it gently. Making me cover my mouth to stop myself from moaning out loud. Samu stopped from what he's doing and scowled at me. That’s why I thought that he got sober and found what he's doing disgusting.

"Don't cover your mouth Keiji. I love to hear your moans." He said and kissed me once more on my lips before he lifted me up and bring me to his room.

He put me down on his bed carefully and take his shirt off. I'm not even drunk but I feel like I'm getting drunk because of his sweet kisses. And now seeing his chiseled body that would make any gay and woman drool, I regret not drinking even just a little to at least erase this jittery I feel now that he crawled in bed and pinned me underneath his half-naked body.

Samu caress my face down to my neck while staring at me with his eyes filled with lust and affection.

"You're beautiful Keiji..." He whispered that made me blush so I tried to look away but he didn't let me.

Instead, he claimed my lips passionately, asking for a respond, so I did. We played with our tongues, bite each other's lips, until the kiss gets deeper.

I didn't know how he managed to take off my shirt like the flash. And when I tried to hide my body, his brows crooked and take my hands off from hiding it to him and raised my hands to my head that made me red with embarrassment.

"Osamu-"

Once again, I got cut off from his kiss.

He pulled away a little without taking his hand off of my hands that he's holding up in my head and smiled sweetly.

"Shut up and don't call my name. I'm barely hanging on to the little restraint I have, Keiji. If you call my name like that, everything will change between us." He said in a serious voice before he freed my hands.

He sighed. "I'm sorry."

I felt pain in my heart when he said that but before it could even infiltrate my whole system, he stopped it with his next set of words.

"I'm not sorry for what I did. I'm sorry that I didn't ask you out first. I couldn't help it. You're so beautiful when you smile." He said as if he's telling it to himself.

"I'm not drunk, don't get me wrong. I'm not that weak in alcohol. I just... Fuck I'm so lame-"

I didn't let him finish his words and do the same thing to him what he did to me earlier. And he responded with eagerly. Knowing that he's not drunk makes me feel relieved maybe because of my past experiences with Bokuto-san.

I guess it really left a scar on me.

I gasped for air when he pulled away after that passionate kiss but he didn't move away on top of me. Instead, Samu stared at me with mixed emotions on his eyes. There's pain probably because he's restraining himself on doing it further. And there's affection in his eyes, that I sometimes see whenever I caught him staring at me.

"Keiji... Let's stop." He whispered while giving me light kisses on my lips.

"S-stop what?"

He gazed at me. "Being friends..."

"W-why?" I feel like there's a lump in my throat after hearing that.

_Does it mean that he's regretting these things that we did?_

_Or it is really because of the alcohol?_

_Why does he want to stop being friends?_

_I won't ask him to date me, I just don't want to lose him because of this mistake._

Those were the thoughts clouding in my mind when he spoke again.

"I can't be just a friend anymore, Keiji." He said firmly that stopped my tears from falling in my eyes.

I couldn't believe the words that he just said as if I'm just hearing things.

"W-what?"

"I know you're still trying to forget that owl but I'm on my limit now. I can't hide it anymore. My feelings." He said while looking at me with sincerity.

"O-osamu-"

"You only have one heart, Akaashi Keiji..."

Samu looked at me with sincerity written on his eyes. And it makes my heart beats erratically.

"Give it to me and I'll cherish you until my last breath."

He said that really take my breath away as if my heart totally gone astray.


	12. Melanphoria Part 2 - Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Melanphoria Part 2 is Osamu's POV

**_Melanphoria Part II_ **

_Miya Osamu’s POV_

**Chapter Eleven**

"Samu, I think I'm in love."

My forehead furrowed when Tsumu, my twin said that out of the blue while looking at the other side of the court where our opponent's team are having a meeting while their manager is handing them their water bottles.

"Are you serious? Well their manager is really pretty so I can't blame you though." I said and drink on my water bottle.

"I'm not serious, I'm Atsumu you dummy! And I'm not talking about their manager. I'm talking about that human tangerine." Tsumu said seriously that made me burst out the water I'm drinking making Kita-san looked at me with disgusts.

I kicked my twin for blabbering nonsense. "That's a dude! Are you gay?"

Tsumu looked at me with a confused expression. "I don't know Samu."

He looked back to the human tangerine who's now talking to their setter with a sweet smile on his face.

"But it's the first time that my heart goes gwaah gwaah when I saw him fly. I never felt this way to Korai or any other guy. Just him. That smile looks so freakin' cute." He said with a weird smile on his face and his eyes glimmers with unfamiliar emotion.

I shook my head.

_Love at first sight? Lame!_

"I'll toss to you someday." I heard Tsumu said to Karasuno's number 10 after our match ended.

I kicked him when we're going off the court telling how lame he is. And he did the same to me that made us looked like fools. Kita-san warned us to stop fooling around that we obey right away. But because I'm walking backwards while fooling around with Tsumu, when I faced to walk properly, I bumped into someone that made us fall out of balance.

_My heart goes gwaah gwaah when I saw him fly_.

Tsumu's words echoed in my head when I saw those pair of beautiful gunmetal blue eye complimented with thin pupils and slightly thick eyebrows. I don't know why, but his messy black hair looks fluffy that I have this urge to ruffle it.

_Who said that love at first sight is lame?_

"Can you move?" He asked that made my heart goes gwaah gwaah even more.

I'm so mesmerized to his pretty face that I forgot that I'm still on top of him while he's lying on the floor because of me and my twin's clumsiness.

_For the first time I wanted to thank my twin for being dumb._

"Samu ya idiot!" Tsumu picked me up on top of the prettiest human being I've seen in this place.

_I immediately get back what I said that I wanted to thank him. Can I just kill him for interfering my fluffy moment?_

Tsumu helped him and that's when I realized that he's wearing a Fukurodani uniform.

"Sorry, are ya hurt Akaashi?" My twin asked that made my brows knotted. How come he knew about this pretty person in front of me with a tired look on his face.

He smiled but his eyes looked sad.

"I'm okay Atsumu-san. Just be careful next time." He said while looking at me.

I couldn't stop staring at him until he left that made my twin kick me so hard that wake me up from being enchanted by that pretty player from Fukurodani.

"If ya happened to injure their setter, Bokuto will kill ya for sure." Tsumu said when I tried to kick him but missed.

"I didn't injure him and why am I gonna get killed by that owl?" I asked and walk towards our team mates.

"I heard they're dating." Tsumu said nonchalantly that made me feel like there's something wrong with my heart because of the prickly feeling I had on what he said.

I tried to ignore it and fixed my things before we go back to our hotel room. We're about to go when I saw the pretty setter of Fukurodani again but this time, he's with the human tangerine chatting in a corner. Tsumu and I stoned on our feet when they both smiled sweetly that made our heart beats like crazy.

"Samu... I'm really in love." Tsumu said while staring lovingly to the human tangerine.

"Tsumu... My heart goes gwaah gwaah." I said that made us look at each other.

"Don't tell me you also like-"

I slap his head to stop him from blabbering nonsense.

"It's not him. That pretty setter."

I said and gaze back at the pretty setter but my heart felt that prickling pain again when I saw him with the horned owl and the human tangerine with their genius setter.

We both sighed.

_I guess we're really twins._

_We both fell in love at first sight to the same-sex even though we're not gay._

_And someone who belongs to somebody else._


	13. Melanphoria Part 2 - Chapter 12

**_Melanphoria Part II_ **

_Miya Osamu’s POV_

**Chapter Twelve**

"I heard you finally opened your store? Where is it? I'll visit you some other time."

I tried not to smile like a lunatic when Akaashi asked me that with a sweet smile plastered on his thin and pale lips. He looked so pretty when he smiles and just like the first time, my heart still goes gwaah gwaah even after all these years.

The only thing that changed is that we became acquainted with each other because of my onigiri. He became a regular customer of mine since his beloved owl is my twin's team mate now. I still feel hurt whenever I see them together. They've been together for so long and base on what I heard from Tsumu, they're also living together that made me realized that Tsumu is luckier than me coz he got to date the person he loves.

_Unlike me who is still suffering from this unrequited love with someone hard to reach._

_Someone who is somebody else's lover._

"I'll text you the address later. I'll make you something special if you come." I managed to say without looking weird because of how close we are together now.

We're currently watching the volleyball match of Japan versus Argentina together with some of our acquaintances in high school to support our country. We talked a bit more about my onigiri and random things while the emcee is introducing the players. But when the game starts, he kept on talking to Tsukishima who's sitting on his other side.

I try to stop myself from grinning whenever he teases Tsukishima about his love life but for some reason, whenever he looked at that owl, there's a hint of sadness written on his eyes.

_As if his happiness is just a facade._

"Myaa-Sam are you coming with us later to the get together party or you're going home right after?" Akaashi asked that made my heart goes gwaah gwaah and whoosh whoosh to what he called me.

"Myaa-Sam? Is that a nickname for me?" I teased that made him blushed as if he said something I shouldn't have heard.

"Sorry-"

"It's fine. I like it." I teased that made his face redder and may God forgive me but I've been having this urge to kiss those lips of his that he kept on biting out of embarrassment.

_Samu... You can't... He's taken._ My mind reminded that made me comeback to my senses.

I excused myself to them since the match is about to end and hurried to the nearest comfort room to calm myself. I didn't know that it'll be hard to suppress this overflowing emotion I have that I've been containing for the past years since I first saw him.

_If there's one of the things that Tsumu and I had in common, I think it's loving like we're imprinting._

_And if there's one thing that we are different, it's that he has more guts than me._

_That's why he finally had his happiness, the love of his life, his own wing spiker._

_And I'm envious of that, I admit. Because Unlike him, I won't get that one in a lifetime chance to cherish the person I love. I won't stand a chance to Bokuto._

_The way Akaashi looked at him, his eyes tell everything._

_Bokuto is Akaashi's world._

My wandering mind came back from the vomiting sound to the stall next to mine and a soft sob after that. I was about to go out to check on whoever it is when someone called a familiar name outside the cubicle next to mine.

"I already warned you before Akaashi that you will only suffer if you do that thing, but you didn't listen."

My brows knotted when I heard an unfamiliar voice saying Akaashi's name. I know it's bad to eavesdrop but it's about Akaashi.

"Shut up!" I heard Akaashi's angry voice and his footsteps when he went out of the cubicle.

"I don't regret anything I did. Besides I know that somewhere in his heart, I have a place." He said that made my brows creased.

_What are they talking about?_

The guy who's with him laughed annoyingly. I don't know why but I have a bad feeling about this guy.

"Do you think he will love the person who lied to him and ruined his relationship? Wake up Akaashi! Did you see how happy he is when he saw Yukie? That's the first time I saw him smile like that after all these years. I bet he never told you even just once that he loves you."

The words of the guy he's with stopped me from going out. For some reason I don't want Akaashi to know that I'm here listening to their conversation. And I'm afraid I'll end up murdering the guy who's deliberately hurting Akaashi with his foul words. But what caught my attention is that I am right that he's not happy in his relationship.

_That he's just wearing a mask to hide the real score between him and that owl._

_That like me, he's suffering from melanphoria._

_A disease brought by love._

_A feeling of melancholy and euphoria towards the person you love wholeheartedly._

"Shut the hell up!" Akaashi's angry voice snapped me back to reality and probably startled the people who just entered the comfort room.

I heard Hinata's voice so I'm a bit relieved but I still couldn't get out of the cubicle I'm in. Akaashi acts like there's nothing going on when he greeted Hinata. I went out of the cubicle when I heard him say that he'll go back to Tsukishima. Tsumu and the guy who I finally recognized looked surprised when I went out of the cubicle. He was on the same team with Akaashi and Bokuto back in high school.

"What are ya doing there? Taking a dump?" Tsumu asked but I just smack his head before running out of the comfort room.

I planned to go back to where my acquaintances are, not until I heard a sob from the corridor next to the comfort room so I checked it. And my heart was smashed into pieces when I saw Akaashi kneeling in front of Bokuto while holding his hands.

I thought it's the most painful thing that could hurt me but I was wrong. Not until I heard him plead to the man who's just staring at him with a blank expression on his face.

"I'm sorry. Don't worry I won't do anything. Just please Bokuto-san. Don't leave me." He begged with tears falling on his eyes.

Their former team mate saw them too so he rushed to where they are and pull Akaashi up before I could. So, I turn around and left to stop myself from doing something stupid. I can't hurt that owl that he loves so much. I don't want him to hate me because of that. So, I retreat.

But in my head, I vowed.

_I will make sure that I will pull you out of the vortex of melanphoria you're in, Keiji._


	14. Melanphoria Part 2 - Chapter 13

**_Melanphoria Part II_ **

_Miya Osamu’s POV_

**Chapter Thirteen**

"Tsumu can I ask you something?" Tsumu looked at me from stuffing his mouth with the onigiri I made.

"What? I don't have money." He said immediately that made me want to punch him but I restrain myself from doing so.

"What will you do if the person you love is miserable with the person he loves?" I asked that made his brows creased even more.

"Are ya talking about Akaashi? He's not miserable Samu. Ya should stop it. They're very much in love." Tsumu said that made me surly.

_I guess they're all got deceived by Akaashi's facade._

_How come they couldn't see the sadness on those blue eyes of his?_

I couldn't forget that scene I saw in Tokyo stadium. It's still making my blood boil whenever I remember how that owl just look at Akaashi when he kneeled and begged him to stay. I tried to act normally, like I didn't see them but there are times that it's hard to suppress my hatred towards him.

Right after Tsumu left, I checked my phone to see if Kita-san saw my orders already but my eyes widened when I saw Akaashi's text message that he'll be coming over in my store.

**_From: Aachi-chan_ ** _  
Myaa-Sam your store is near my work place, I'll stop by._

_Okay. I'll wait._

I couldn't refrain myself from smiling like a lunatic after sending him my reply. I'm just thankful that he couldn't see my expression coz for sure he will find me weird. I tried to focus on making onigiri while my part timer attending the customers, but every time the bell attached to the door rings, I can't help but to look who enters that making my part timer look at me with a grin on his lips.

"Are you waiting for someone Miya-san?" My part timer asked and as if on cue, the door opened and the prettiest setter I've seen in my whole life entered my store.

"Samu." Akaashi greeted with a sweet smile on his face but I can see on his eyes a glint of mixed sadness and exhaustion.

"Take a seat anywhere I'll join you later." I said so he made his way to the empty table at the corner.

I instruct my part timer what to do before I head to Akaashi's table with a plate of special onigiri that he likes and a pitcher of iced tea. I tried to keep my smile when I sit on the chair across him after I put down the tray of food.

"It's on the house since it's your first visit." I said with a smile.

"Thank you, Myaa-Sam- I mean Samu." I chuckled and just ruffled his messy black hair because of his cuteness.

We talked random stuff while he eats but I could see on his beautiful blue eyes that he looked really exhausted. I also noticed that he loses weight as if he's not been eating properly lately.

"Is your work busy?" He shook his head on my answer and put down the glass after drinking the iced tea I pour on him.

"Why?"

"You lose weight. Are you eating properly?" I asked that made him silent for a little while.

"Sorry for asking, it's just that I'm worried." I said but he just gave me a weak smile.

"It's okay. I just don't have the appetite to eat." He answered that made me laugh.

"Are you sure? Coz you don't look like one after eating all of the onigiris I made." Akaashi blushed when he realized what I said that makes my heart go gwaah gwaah again after seeing his red face.

"It's because your onigiri is the best Myaa-Sam." This time, it's I who got red with embarrassment because of what he said that made him giggled.

_And it's mesmerizing._

_And at the same time upsetting._

_To see his smile paired with his lonely and tired gunmetal blue eyes._

"Akaashi..."

"Hmm?"

I held his hand with both of my hands and smiled at him sweetly. He looked surprise but he didn't pull his hands away.

_The only thing I can do for him right now is to be his support._

_If I can't make him love me._

_Then I can just make him trust me and be by his side._

"If it's my onigiri that can make you eat a ton, just come here. I'll give you a discount." I said in a joking manner that made him laugh but this time it looks sincere.

_And my heart goes gwaah gwaah and whoosh whoosh because of it as if it wants to go boing boing from its cage._


	15. Melanphoria Part 2 - Chapter 14

**_Melanphoria Part II_ **

_Miya Osamu’s POV_

**Chapter Fourteen**

It's raining so hard when I'm done with my delivery. I forgot to bring an umbrella so I decided to take shelter from the rain first and wait for it to stop because it's hard to get to the bus station like this. I regret not using my motorbike for my delivery.

_I hate the rain._ I don't like getting wet by it maybe because I get sick easily unlike Tsumu who is perfectly healthy even if he gets soaked in the rain.

I scanned the place I am and smiled upon realizing that I'm near Akaashi's office. It's been a while since I last saw him. And I feel like every time he visits to my shop, he just keeps on getting thinner. I don't know why my twin or their friends couldn't see how he has been lately. As if they just keep on accepting his excuses that it's because of his work even though they could see that there's something wrong with his health.

I sighed and looked to the street across mine and my heart tightened when I saw Akaashi walking aimlessly in the rain. I didn't think twice and immediately cross the street and follow him. I don't care about this fuckin rain or even if I get sick, I just want to catch up the man I have an unrequited love with and save him.

"Akaashi!" I called his name but he looks so out of it.

He just keeps on walking as if he couldn't hear anything or doesn't feel anything. I ran as fast as I could when I saw him about to cross the street even though the walk signal is still on red. He finally looked at me as if he snapped him back to reality when I finally pulled him from crossing and I feel my heart being ripped into pieces when I saw his tears mixed with the raindrops falling on his beautiful set lonely face.

"What the hell are you doing?! Are you trying to kill yourself?!" I asked in anger not because of what he's doing to himself but because of the person who caused him to be like this.

"S-samu... W-what are you doing here?" He asked after looking away from my gaze and wipe his tears.

"Akaashi... What's wrong?" This time my voice sounds gentle coz I tried to calm myself down.

"I'm okay don't mind me." He said and pulled away his arms that I'm holding before crossing the street when the walk signal turns green.

I sighed and held his hand this time firmly and walked with him under the pouring rain. I didn't let him go even if he tried to pull his hands away. I continued walking with him in the rain without a destination set in mind.

_I can't be the person he loves._

_I can't make him love me._

_But I can cherish him like this._

_I can be his support._

_I can take care of him like this._

_Even if he wanted him._

_He can have me._

"Samu it's raining you'll get sick if-"

I looked at him with a smile on my lips. "Shut up or I'll do something more embarrassing." I said cutting him off that made him smile a bit still with sadness written on his eyes.

"I don't know what you're going through right now but I want you to know that I'm here, Akaashi so please don't do that kind of stunt again."

_You'll be killing me twice if you get into that accident._

I said without looking at him keeping to myself the last sentence.

People are looking at us but it doesn't bother me at all. What's in my mind is Akaashi's warm hands that is erasing the cold I'm feeling because of the rain.

_I hate the rain._

_But right now, I'm starting to love it._

I glanced at Akaashi who looked exhausted and my heart aches seeing him like this. He looked thinner than the last time I saw him and he looked like he hasn’t getting enough sleep. I want to take him away and run away from his miserable life with that horned owl.

_I wouldn't mind being his friend forever if in exchange, I will see his beautiful smile that I loved again._

I stopped walking in an uncrowded and dim lighted street and looked at him when he faced me with astonished look on his face.

"Akaashi..."

I looked at him seriously that made his brows creased.

"Do you want to run away? Just tell me and I'll take you away with me. I hate seeing you hurting like this." He tried to open his mouth to explain but no words escaped his mouth.

"I don't know what exactly you've been going through but isn't it enough? Soloing that pain, you have in there." I point to his left chest gently.

"You can keep on smiling even when you're not happy. You keep saying you're okay even though you're not. Akaashi aren't you getting tired faking it? Let's just run away. Let me pull you out of your melanphoric situation." I said while wiping the tears that keeps on falling on his lonely blue eyes.

"Akaashi... Just say 'I'm tired' and I'll take you away."


	16. Melanphoria Part 2 - Chapter 15

**_Melanphoria Part II_ **

_Miya Osamu’s POV_

**Chapter Fifteen**

"So, you're saying that you end up walking in the rain with Fukurodani's former setter without even buying an umbrella until you send him home?" Kita-san asked when he visited me to my room after he delivered the new harvested rice of his that I ordered.

I nod under my blanket.

"You're dumber than your twin." He stated.

My former captain looked at me as if I'm so pathetic for risking my health knowing that I'll end up getting sick but I still soaked in the rain just to be with the person I love who is deeply in love with someone else.

"I guess it runs into your genes being so pathetic in love. You're not even a wolf but rather just a fox so how come you love like you've imprinted? Jeez, both of you really are a twin." He said shaking his head before putting a cool pad on my forehead and went out of my room to probably cook something for me to eat.

I sighed and placed my arms in my eyes while thinking about Akaashi. After I send him home last night, I stayed a little bit longer not too far from their apartment before I went home that caused me to get sick. After I told him what's on my mind without spilling out my feelings, we didn't talk again and just continued on walking until we get to the station and rode the crowded train both wet from the rain.

A smile formed my lips when I remembered how his face blushed with embarrassment when I suddenly got pushed to him making our lips almost touched from the impact. God knows how much self-control I used for me to not end up kissing those pale red lips of his.

The insane part of me did regret that I didn't but the sane part of me says that if a chance has given to me, then I should grab it and never let it pass.

I didn't know how I end up sleeping but I woke up when my phone rings. I didn't get to answer whoever it is that called so I just let it be for a while since it didn't ring again. I tried to get up in bed when I feel hungry and went out of my room to check if there's something to eat.

"Oh! Hey stupid! You're awake. Do you want me to heat up the porridge?" Kita-san asked who was about to go when I went out of my room.

I believe he cleaned my apartment after cooking that's why he's still here. Everything is so damn shiny now that it makes me feel bad somehow.

"I'll do it. Are you going now? Why don't you stay the night?" I asked but he just looked at me with a blank expression.

"He's already mad that I stayed long here when we already had plans, if I don't go and meet him now, that crow might end up doing me until I passed out and it's a pain in the ass. Literally."

Kita-san answered nonchalantly that made me remember the crow's captain that he got back together with just a few months ago. They dated years ago and broke up without us knowing the reason so I'm quite surprised when he announced to us that they're together again.

"I see. I'll send him onigiri next time for taking your lovey-dovey time." I teased that made Kita-san smiled a little, that he only does when we talked about his boyfriend.

He is still madly in love with him even after all these years that they lost contact. When I asked him the reason why he didn't find other person to love when they broke up, he said that he can never love anyone like how he loves that crow and he will stay in love with him no matter what. And that made me realize that Kita-san is really our captain. And this loving like we're imprinting thingy I guess we got it to him.

Coz we're all the same.

_We love like we're imprinting but not so cunning._

Kita-san was about to go when he looked back at me as if he remembered something.

"Did you get a girlfriend or something?"

I shook my head with my brows creased.

"Well I saw a message from Aachi-chan. Earlier when I tried to wake you up. She says 'I'm tired, can you-"

I didn't let Kita-san finished and run to my room to get my phone and check if he didn't just see it wrong. I hurriedly take my jacket and keys of my motorbike after reading the message I got from Akaashi.

Kita-san looked at me with his brows knotted. "You're still sick you stupid fox! Where do you think you're going?"

"I'm picking up my mate."

"You what?!"

I smiled sweetly. "I'm making my move to make Akaashi mine. And Aachi-chan is my nick name to him."

I answered and hurriedly went out of the house leaving Kita-san in awe.

And as I'm driving to their place, I recalled Akaashi's text message.

_I'm tired. Can you pick me up in this hellish state and save me?_

I smiled gently.

_I don't care if I'm still sick._

_I don't care if it's impossible for him to see me more than a friend._

_I don't care if he loves that owl._

_Knowing that he asked me to save him means everything to me._

_I'll take this as the chance I'm waiting to make him mine._

_To make him fall for me._

My ride didn't take that long maybe because I'm too excited to see him or I just drive it a little bit faster than the usual, either of the two, I still got to their apartment safe and sound. It didn't get me to wait for too long coz Akaashi went out of their apartment a few minutes when I came.

"Akaashi."

I called his name and it's painful to see tears falling on those beautiful blue eyes of his.

"Are you sure about this?" I asked and tapped his back as he kept on crying.

I know I'm the one who asked him to come with me but I want to know if he's really sure about this decision of his.

I sighed. "Akaashi."

He looked at me and I could see the pain, loneliness and emptiness on those eyes of his when he called my name.

"Osamu."

I didn't say a word and just let him speak his mind.

"It's... It's so painful... I feel like... I'm dying..."

I embraced him and let him cry all out the pain he feels for letting go the man he's been loving for so long selflessly. We remained on that position until he calms down a bit. He pulled away a little and looked at me with his puffy eyes.

I cupped his face and wiped the remnants of tears on it.

"I can't promise you that I can make you forget the pain, but I can assure you of one thing..." I said that made him look at me with wonder.

I smiled and pinched his cheeks gently.

"When you're with me, I won't let you cry on your own. I will make you feel a genuine and outmost happiness." I said in a serious tone before I ruffled his hair and hug him once more. Letting him feel my rapid heartbeat that only him could make it like that.

"I can be your euphoria in the midst of your melancholia."


	17. Melanphoria Part 2 - Chapter 16

**_Melanphoria Part II_ **

_Miya Osamu’s POV_

**Chapter Sixteen**

”Shhh... I'm here."

I whispered gently to Akaashi when he woke up to his nightmares again. His soft cry resounded the room he's staying while clutching his chest as if he's in too much pain and his body is trembling in my arms for some reasons. It's been three months since I brought him with me here in Hyogo and let him stay in Kita-san's house just in case Tsumu go home without notice.

Time flies so fast but not for Akaashi. Although we managed to make him eat without throwing up and make him go out of his room, his nightmares won't disappear that I end up sleeping over to his room from time to time.

And tonight, is one of those nights.

"It's... Painful. Every night it's the same. I can't stop... Chasing him." He said in between sobs and raised his head to look at me with tears visible on his pretty face.

My heart aches but there's nothing I could do to take the pain he's feeling in an instant.

_If only I met him first..._

_If only I am the person, he fell in love with..._

_I won't let him cry because of sadness._

I gently wipe the tears on his pretty face and kissed his forehead. He seemed not affected by it when I looked at him so I just pull him for an embrace as he keeps on sobbing.

"Akaashi don't run after him in your sleep just for once. I'm with you. I'm here Akaashi. You can stop running after him and just hold on to me." I whispered softly that made him calm down a little, making him stop trembling a little.

We stayed like that until he fell asleep again so I lay him on his futon properly. And when I'm about to sleep on mine, he holds my hand in his sleep that stopped me from leaving his side. I sighed and lay down on the tatami floor facing Akaashi with our hands clasp.

I don't know if I'm doing a great job on making him happy. I don't know if I am doing a great job on easing his pain. And I don't know if there's a way that I can keep him after all this. Because for Akaashi, I'm just a friend. Someone who he can rely on. He's not even aware of my feelings because he's too drowned on his loneliness.

I gently brush the tears that fell on his eyes while sleeping and heaved a deep sigh to stop myself from kissing those pale lips of his that curved a little smile after I wiped his tears. Kita-san asked me before, why I'm still not confessing to him while he's vulnerable?

As much as I want to confess, I'm still waiting for him to move on even just a little bit more. I want to make him mine when I saw his smile again that made me fall in love with him. For now, I just want to be his support when he's this vulnerable. I'm not like Tsumu who always go for it. I'm reckless but I always go for a point one at a time. Just like in volleyball, as long as the ball hasn't drop yet, the rally will keep going and for sure, I'll get the chance to score making my opponent surprised by it.

As long as I won't give up this love for him, I'll keep being just a friend and when he finally moved on from that owl even just a little, then that's the time for me to make a proper move to make him mine.

My thoughts got cut off when Akaashi let go of my hand, moved a little bit closer to mine, and hugged me on his sleep, burying his face to my chest making it hard for me to breathe properly.

_Good luck on that. Seeing how attached he is to you without any malice, I don't know when you will end up jumping him because you can't keep it to yourself anymore._

Kita-san's words echoed in my head. I cover my eyes with my hands, biting my lips to suppress myself from groaning.

"Akaashi..." I mumbled his name softly and looked at him in pain because of this sudden closeness of our bodies.

"Damn it. You're making it hard for me to hold back." I whispered before planting a soft kiss on his forehead.

"Samu..."

I froze when he called my name but I feel relieved when I saw him still sleeping in my arms.

"Samu...help...me." He mumbled on his sleep in between sobs that made me hugged him tighter with a smile on my lips.

_Finally, you let him go in your sleep._

_Finally, it's my name you're calling now._

"I'm here Akaashi... I love you." I whispered gently while hugging him tight until I fell asleep with him in my arms.


	18. Melanphoria Part 2 - Chapter 17

**_Melanphoria Part II_ **

_Miya Osamu’s POV_

**Chapter Seventeen**

"You're not going to drink?" Suna asked when I declined the beer, he handed me in the kitchen.

My friends started the drinking session right after they ate dinner and I need to make some food for Kita-san and Akaashi who just came here. My friends wandered why Akaashi is with Kita-san but they didn't ask even further after he explained that Akaashi's currently vacationing in Hyogo that's why they came together that they believed right away.

"I'll be going somewhere later so I can't drink." I said to Suna who looked like he wants to ask something but don't know where to start.

"Samu..."

I looked at him after I turned off the stove and get a glass of water instead.

"Hmmm?"

"Is Kita-san cheating on Karasuno's former captain? And does that Fukurodani's former setter cheating on Bokuto?" Suna asked in a whispering way that almost made me choked on my drinks.

"What the hell are you talking about? They're not! You dummy!" I said that made him gestured me to keep quiet.

"Well, you can't blame me. They never had an interaction before but they seemed pretty close now. And as far as I remember, he's Bokuto's boyfriend, right? Knowing how possessive that owl is, how come he let his lover stay in someone else's home without him?" Suna asked that made my brows creased.

_Possessive my ass! That owl doesn't even give a damn to Akaashi when they're still together!_

"They broke up already and that two are just friends." I said to end this annoying discussion and walked to the table where Kita-san and Akaashi is and placed their food.

Suna didn’t ask anything after that and we all just talked randomly. The others got wasted right away because of Suna who keeps on giving them drinks after drinks. And because of that, he and Kita-san went out to get a cab for the wasted leaving me and Akaashi alone with the sleeping foxes. Akaashi looked like he's having fun and it feels nice to see him laugh heartily again. There's still sadness on those pair of eyes but, it's not the same as before.

"This feels nice." Akaashi said that made me smile sweetly when he voiced out what's on his mind.

"It's good to know that you're having fun." I said after pouring him a drink, letting him enjoy this peaceful moment of ours.

I thought that everything will going to the way I planned not until Tsumu texted, telling me that they're on their way to my shop after seeing Suna's group picture that is taken by Akaashi. Before I could even warn Akaashi about it, Tsumu, Hinata, Sakusa, Tsukishima and Bokuto entered the store with a surprised look on their faces after seeing Akaashi beside me.

Bokuto has a blank look on his face while trying to meet Akaashi's gaze who didn't dare look at him or even glance at him. I could feel Akaashi's being uncomfortable so I ready myself to any kind of confrontation that could happen between them. I'm not afraid if we got confronted by him, what I'm afraid of is that Akaashi will get swayed by him again. That's why I'm loathing my twin right now for bringing that stupid owl with him.

"W-why are you here?" Tsumu asked breaking the silence between us. I could see the confusion on his face seeing that his team mate's ex is with his twin.

I placed my arms on Akaashi's shoulder and looked blankly at my twin.

"Why? Am I not allowed to invite my lover to my birthday?" I answered his question that surprised everyone including Akaashi that immediately smiled after seeing me signed to just get along.

"Lover? Since when? As far as I remember, he's mine. He's my lover who run away from home!" Bokuto looked pissed while looking at me and my hands on Akaashi's that for some reason makes me proud of myself for hurting his pride.

Even though, I find it odd that he still calls Akaashi his even after all the six months that passed and it's as if their friends did not know that they're through. The way he looked at Akaashi as if he's the victim is seriously getting on my nerves so I leaned closer to Akaashi and handed him the key upstairs where my apartment is and whisper on his ears.

"I'm sorry about this. Can you leave and go upstairs? Stay there until Kita-san comes back. I'll fix this." I whispered that Akaashi immediately do as if he too, like the other people sober on this room except me, is getting scared to see Bokuto's menacing aura.

"H-hey Samu. Don't j-joke around like that. Ya know Akaashi is B-Bo-kun's-"

Akaashi stood up and smiled.

"I'll go now, Samu. Happy Birthday Tsumu." He cut off Atsumu's words and tap my shoulder. And without clearing anything about our relationship, he walked towards the door and leave.

Bokuto was about to follow him when I stopped him from doing so.

"Can you please stop disturbing my Akaashi? He's doing fine now without you." I said that made the owl looked back at me with rage written on his face after I emphasize the word 'my'.

"What did you say? My Akaashi? When did he became yours?" He laughed in a threatening voice that doesn't affect me at all.

"H-hey Samu. S-stop this nonsense." I just looked at Tsumu blankly to shut him up and stood up on my seat.

"When? I marked him as mine after he left you and choose to come with me six months ago." I said that made them surprised.

"W-what? H-how?" Tsumu asked but I ignored him.

I walked towards Bokuto and looked at his eyes directly without backing down.

"He chose me." I whispered enough for him to hear.

"I filled the sadness you gave him with happiness. And now he's doing great without you. So back off. He's mine." I said that made the owl go berserk and punched me in the face making me thrown off the ground and without a word he went out of the store to follow Akaashi.

Tsumu tried to help me up but I shove his hands and get up on my own.

"Hey Osamu! I know you're madly in love with Akaashi but don't steal someone else's man ya dumbass! I didn't know you'll be this low just because you're in love. Didn't ya know how Bo-kun almost gone crazy because Akaashi went missing?!" Tsumu yelled when I tried to follow that freakin' owl.

The other sober people inside the store all looked surprise on what he exposed about me while the wasted flinched on his yell. I looked at Tsumu with a hurt expression. I can't believe that my twin thinks that way about me.

I smiled faintly. "I didn't steal him. Akaashi ends it with that owl. I just helped him get back on his feet." I said calmly but, in my head, I'm trying to count one to ten so I wouldn't end up hurting my twin for ruining the best time of my life.

Tsumu became silent so I continued.

"You think he's okay? You think he was happy? Well you are dead wrong! Have you seen how he has been six months ago? He looked like a dead doll Tsumu! He lost weight and been sleep deprived but you all believe his lies that it's because of work! Did you know how he ends up coming with me?! It's because I couldn't take it anymore so I asked him to just say that he's tired and I'll take him away. He almost got hit by a car if I didn't see him that night Tsumu! He's in pain but all you see is his facade! So, don't tell me that I'm the wrong one here because if there's one who you should blame, it's that fuckin owl!" I said in rage that made them speechless.

I didn't waste my time and went to the alley next to my store just to get my heart broken when I saw Bokuto pinning Akaashi on the wall who looked like a mess because of how close their bodies are right now.

I already knew that Akaashi still love that fuckin' owl but I won't back down now.

"Let's go-"

Before Bokuto could finish his sentence, I grab Akaashi and hide him on my back making the owl looked at me like he wants to kill me but it didn't scare me even a little.

_He might be a horned owl._

_But I am a vicious fox._

"He's not coming with you." I declared while holding Akaashi's hand tight.

"Who are you to say that?" The owl said in irritation.

"Me? Did you forget already what I said earlier? Keiji's mine. So back off!" I yelled that made him snapped again and punched me in the face.

But this time, I fought back.


	19. Melanphoria Part 2 - Chapter 18

**_ Melanphoria Part II _ **

_ Miya Osamu’s POV _

** Chapter Eighteen **

"Do you really have to provoke that owl and make a mess?" Kita-san asked when Akaashi left with that stupid Bokuto.

I just keep my mouth shut while kneeling with my hands up in the air. It’s embarrassing to admit but even I'm this old, I still find Kita-san's blank gaze scary. I don't know if Daichi-san is just blind because he finds Kita-san's blank gaze, hot. Or maybe it's what really love can do to a person.

But what I am scared the most right now is that Akaashi will get swayed by that owl again. Even though he said that he won't, I can't stop thinking that he'll come back to that owl. Seeing them before our brawl, I already sensed that he's slowly getting swayed by him. I could see from Akaashi's eyes the longing when he looked to that owl.

_ And unfortunately, if Akaashi will choose to stay with him, there's nothing I could do. _

__

_ But if it's Bokuto who wants him back, then I won't back down. _

"Wait, I don't understand! Why am I still not allowed to stand up?" Tsumu asked kneeling beside me with his arms up like I do, that made me glared at him.

It's his fault for bringing that owl with him. It won't be like this if he only showed up without that stupid owl. 

Kita-san looked at Tsumu. "That's for bringing a disaster."

Suna chuckled that made Kita-san glare at him so he shut his mouth and tried to suppress his laugh. Kita-san looked at me with a blank look on his face.

"You can't stop Akaashi from leaving, you know that, right?" I nod and lowered my head coz what he said is true.

"If he decides to stay with that owl, there's nothing you can do. Your time is up and Akaashi is the only one who can decide what to do with his life now. You've done your part already. And if it ends up like that, I guess you already prepared yourself to live with his memories the moment he asked you to save him." He continued that breaks my heart slowly that making me tear up.

As always, Kita-san is so brutal with his words. But I prefer it than comforting words. And what he said was true anyway. I've been preparing myself to let go of him if after all I've done, Akaashi will still choose that owl.

"But who needs memories when you can hunt down the person itself?" Kita-san asked that made me look at him in awe.

"We're a fox. We don't need memories. Stop being so pathetic and act selfishly sometimes. Coz it's our nature." Kita-san said with a smile before he stood up and left followed by Suna.

I hurriedly took the keys of my motorbike and was about to leave when Tsumu stopped me by grabbing my arm.

"Samu... Don't. Akaashi belongs to-"

I pushed away his hands.

"I've been loving him for such a long time Tsumu. You know that, right? I've never once act selfishly even when I saw Akaashi kneeled down to that owl begging not to leave him." Tsumu and his friends looked shock on what I said that made me smile surly.

_ They really know nothing. _

""I kept quiet about it. Even when I'm helping him to get back on his life, I never once told him about my feelings. I loved him silently. But I'm ending this now Tsumu. Loving him in silent."

I continued and turned around to leave but when I was about to open the door, I looked at my twin with a genuine smile on my face.

"I only have two choices. Fight or flight." I opened the door and bid my final words.

"And I'll choose to fight."

Tsumu didn't stop me anymore coz he knew that he couldn't anyway. I'm quite hard headed and persistent when it comes to something that I love, and so is he. That's why he just let me be. I was about to drive to Akaashi's old apartment when Tsukishima stopped me with a serious look on his face.

"Are you going to stop me too?" I asked.

"Who are you to Akaashi-san?" He asked back in a serious tone.

I smiled gently. "I am his euphoria."

For the first time since earlier, Tsukishima smiled and let go of my arms.

"Can you keep him?" He asked again.

"I'll keep him."


	20. Melanphoria Part 2 - Chapter 19

**_Melanphoria Part II_ **

_Miya Osamu’s POV_

**Chapter Nineteen**

"Keiji... Let's stop." I whispered while giving him light kisses on his lips.

"S-stop what?"

I gazed at him lovingly. "Being friends..."

"W-why?" Akaashi asked like he was about to cry so before he overthinks things, I told him what I really mean.

Knowing him, he might think that it's because of the alcohol I drink when in fact I'm still sober. I guess trying to take courage from the alcohol is not a good idea.

"I can't be just a friend anymore, Keiji." I said firmly that stopped his tears from falling on his beautiful eyes.

"W-what?" He asked in awe.

"I know you're still trying to forget that owl but I'm on my limit now. I can't hide it anymore. My feelings." I said while looking at him with sincerity.

"O-osamu-"

"You only have one heart, Akaashi Keiji..."

My heart is beating wildly when I told him these words for the second time. But unlike the first that I told him these words. I intend to tell him what I really want to say that time we spend the night in the rooftop of Inarizaki high.

"Give it to me and I'll cherish you until my last breath."

Akaashi looked dumbfounded on my confession that somehow makes me anxious. I don't really plan to jump on him like this but I couldn't take it anymore since day one that he accepted my offer to live here with me. Every day is heaven and hell. Heaven because he's the first person I always see in the morning and last to see at night. And hell, because it's hard to keep my feelings to myself.

"I know it's strange to ask you this while I'm already on top of you. I'm sorry." I said and moved away from him after I asked him to give me his heart.

I sat on the edge of the bed while Akaashi sat beside me. He still looked shock by my confession but he doesn't seem like he's disgusted by it, making me feel relieved a little.

"Since when?" Akaashi asked that broke the awkward silence between us.

He glanced at me with his face flushed that is really giving me a hard time not to jump on him again.

_Miya Osamu! Fuck get a hold of yourself!_

I cleared my throat and answered him without looking at his flushed face to avoid myself from getting tempted.

"Since the first time I saw you in Nationals. That time I bumped on you." I admit and glanced at Akaashi who looked surprised to my confession.

"That long?" I nod on his question that made him bite his lower lip as if he's stopping himself from grinning.

I got mesmerized again.

"Stop it... Biting your lips. It looks seductive. You're making me want to kiss you again."

Akaashi stopped biting his lip and looked away because of the embarrassment but I stopped him from doing so. I made him face me and planted a soft yet long kiss on his lips that made him close his eyes.

I pulled away a little and smile when I met his gaze.

"I knew it. Your lips are quite addicting."

I whispered softly that made his face even redder than earlier.

I chuckled before I hold his hand and kissed it. "As much as I want to do more, I need to wait for your answer first, Aachi-chan."

I looked at him with my eyes filled with my suppressed feelings while holding his hand tight, never want to let him go.

"I love you, Akaashi Keiji. Since the first time I laid my eyes on you until now. The only thing that changed is how much I fell in love more on each passing day that I spend it with you." I said in a serious voice that made his eyes teary.

"It's the reason why I want to save you from the pain you've been going through, why I want to be your happiness. When you were dying in pain, I am too. It's painful to know that you're in love with somebody else. It's more painful to see you with him. But what's the most painful is to see your unhappiness."

I wiped the tears that escaped on his eyes and smiled sweetly.

"I don't care if what I did is wrong, that I asked you to run away with me, that I take you away from the person you love. I don't care if it's a sin to love someone who belongs to somebody else. I don't care if they call me a sinner. I don't care if loving you is a sin." I caress his cheeks gently as his tears keep of streaming down on his beautiful face.

_Tears not made of sadness. I don't see it on his eyes, what I see instead is something unfamiliar to me._

So, I took all the courage I have and kissed him once more.

He wrapped his arms on my nape and kissed me back. I pushed him on the bed one more time without breaking the kiss and drown him with my love.

"Akaashi..." I murmured his name in between kissing him and biting his lips.

I pulled away a little bit and looked him in the eyes. He looks flustered but I don't see any resistance on his face, it's more like he himself is ready to be devoured by me anytime.

"Aachi-chan..." I placed my forehead to his and brushed the tip of my nose to his.

And while looking on those beautiful gunmetal blue eyes, I whispered these words...

"Be mine."

Akaashi smiled and pulled me for a kiss instead. The gentleness of Akaashi's kisses is melting the worry that slowly overwhelms me because of his silence. I pulled away from our kiss and looked at him with overflowing love written on my face that is mixed with confusion because of what he just did.

Akaashi gently touch my face and brushes my lips with his thumb.

"Who am I to say no when you're looking at me like that?" Akaashi asked that made my mind in turmoil.

"It's overwhelming. Your feelings." He chuckled.

"I don't know what did I do to make you love this sinner but..." He stared at me with tears on his eyes.

"...you're my salvation, Osamu. So yes...I'm yours."

The stopper I put on my restraint got pulled off after hearing those words. I devoured his lips hungrily yet I still tried to be gentle as possible. Akaashi responded with equal eagerness that fires me up and wanted to do more than just a kiss.

Slowly, I let my hands feel his body as my lips travel to his earlobe and licks it, making him moan for me. My kisses trail to his neck marking him to let the people know who would see it knows that he belongs to me now. I looked at Akaashi with my eyes filled with mixture of love, lust and euphoria. And he gazed back at me with the same emotions written on his face.

"Akaashi Keiji..." I called his name with so much gentleness on it.

I slowly leaned to close our lips' gaps without breaking our eye contact.

"When I asked you to come with me, that makes me a sinner too so..."

And from staring at his eyes, my gaze went to his lips.

"...let's just run away from Eden."

I whispered before claiming his lips but this time, I intend to do more.


	21. Melanphoria Part 2 - Chapter 20

**_Melanphoria Part II_ **

_Miya Osamu’s POV_

**Chapter Twenty**

My kisses trails down to his naked upper body, giving small mark bites and hickies that is making Akaashi's body trembled a little because of the pleasure. I nibbled his nipples and a soft moan escaped his lips arousing me more. It makes me want to see more of his expressions so I gently take off the rest of his clothes and stare at his pale yet luscious body.

"S-stop staring Myaa-Sam!" Akaashi snarled to hide his embarrassment.

I stopped his hands from hiding his raging hardness from mine making his face flustered because of the way I stare at him.

"You're so beautiful, Aachi-chan." I murmured enough for him to hear.

My hands gently touch his face and trails it down to his chest making his body arched with my gentle caress and when I finally touched his hardness leaking with precum, Akaashi couldn't take my affectionate stare so he hides his face with his palms. I chuckled to his cuteness so I stopped teasing him. I take off his hands hiding his flushed face and kiss his lips hungrily while my hand is doing its work down to his sensitive body.

I might act like I'm calm but seeing his every expression and hearing his moans, it's making it hard for me to restrain myself. I feel like I'm going to cum just because of seeing this sexy side of him. My bulging hard-on keeps on twitching inside my pants since earlier but I don't want our first night to be a total failure. I don't want to be like my twin who cum right away after just putting it in.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not interested on my twin's sex life. He just blabbered how lame he was on their first night when he visited me right after they started dating. As much as I don't want to hear it, I don't have a choice.

Akaashi tried to pull me up when my kisses trails down to his abdomen but I didn't stop until I find what I'm looking for. A soft cry of pleasure escaped his lips when I take his raging hard on in my mouth. It's arousing to see him whimper in pleasure as I keep licking and sucking him making me want to do more than that so while I'm eating him up, I grab the lube from my bedside table and starts loosening him up.

Akaashi's body trembled in pleasure when I insert a finger on his hole while I keep on sucking him. His soft moans keep getting louder each time I add a finger to loosen him up. It's been a while for him and It's not that I'm bragging but I'm quite big. I don't want to hurt him so I need to thoroughly loosen him up.

"S-stop S-aam... I'm c-cumming! Hnnnmmm..."

He looked at me breathing heavily with his face flushed with red when he saw traces of his cum on my face. I brushed my lips with my thumb while looking at him hungrily.

"Aachi-chan I'm sorry." I said in a groaned like voice before I let my raging hard on out of my pants.

Akaashi gulped when he saw how hard I am but I didn't let him a chance to run away from me. I gently held his legs and slowly put my twitching hard on inside him. He cried in pain and pleasure when I finally got inside him so I didn't move right away and leaned a little to plant soft wet kisses on his lips and neck while trying to restrain myself from cumming.

Now I know what Tsumu feels during that time and it sucks to admit but I'm really close to my limit. Akaashi is so damn hot and beautiful in person than in my imagination. I kissed the traces of tears that escaped his eyes.

"Are you hurt?" Akaashi shook his head and wrapped his arms on my nape looking at me with teary-eyes but happiness is written on it.

"It's just that... I never knew the feeling of being held gently and sweetly like this. It's overwhelming."

I smiled and kissed Akaashi sweetly before I start moving slowly to make him adjust on my size. His soft moans are like music to my ears as he moved his body to my rhythm. I pulled away from our kiss and buried my face to his neck and gently bites him to put my mark on it. I felt his nails tugged on my back when I moved a little bit faster.

"I love you Keiji..." I whispered while looking at his gunmetal blue eyes that is now filled with tears of happiness while I thrust to him deeper.

His surprised moans echoed and his body arched that made me smile when I finally found his sweet spot. I leaned back a little to adjust my position and with a lustful expression I hold one of his legs and thrust inside him much deeper and faster this time while I stroke his raging hard on.

"S-stop... Samu hmmmnnn... I'm cum-....-inghaaah..." Akaashi's body trembled as he cum in my hand but I didn't stop moving.

"Bear with me a little." I said in groaned like voice as I continue pounding on top of him while kissing his lips passionately.

Hearing his moans and gasps arouses me even more. And just for a few more thrust, I cum inside him that made his eyes widened when he felt the hot liquid that I shoot inside him. I didn't pull out even after I get my release and just watched him quiver in pleasure. It feels like my heart will explode in happiness anytime because finally, I have him in my arms now.

_Finally, I can claim him as mine._

_Akaashi Keiji is now mine._

Just the thought of him being finally mine after years of waiting made me tear up. Akaashi cupped my face when droplets of tears fell on his face. He looked worried so I gave him a sweet smile and kissed his palm that is caressing my face.

"I'm just happy that finally, you're mine now, Akaashi." I admitted that made him smile.

"Thank you Samu. For wanting to keep this sinner." Akaashi said in teary-eyes.

I gently wipe the tears that escaped on those beautiful eyes of his.

"You made me a sinner..."

I whispered in a sweet and serious voice while staring at those blue eyes. I locked gazes with him as if I could make him see in my eyes the love that I keep inside me for several years and finish what I want to tell him.

"...but I don't want to repent."


	22. Melanphoria Part 2 - Chapter 21

**_Melanphoria Part II_ **

_Miya Osamu’s POV_

**Chapter Twenty-One**

"Aachi..." I softly whispered on my Akaashi's ears to wake him up. He groaned cutely and buried his face on the pillow when he saw me.

It's our first day as a couple and I'm so freakin' happy last night that I make love to him until dawn. It's already lunch time and as much as I want him to get more rest, he needs to eat. I don't like him skipping meals anymore. He already skipped his breakfast so he needs to get up on his bed or else...

_He might end up being my meal instead._

I chuckled and gently massaged his hips and it made him moan that riled me up a little. I am trying not to get swayed by his soft moans that sounds music to my ear every time I pressed a bit harder, but it's really sound seductive and it's hard to get a hold of myself. Specially that I could see his naked upper back that looks really sexy because of the marks I put on him last night.

"Don't moan babe, it sounds too sexy in my ear. Or you're doing it on purpose?" I tease that made him look at me with a flushed face.

"I'm not doing it on purpose!" He turned and said with a pout that made me laugh before I leaned a little to kiss him.

Akaashi kissed me back and wrapped his arms on my neck while pulling me closer to his body. I couldn't resist my lustful side so I end up moving on top of him while our kiss deepens. Tongue playing with each other, biting lips of one another. Until I really lost it and ended up taking off my clothes while Akaashi's looking at me with an aroused expression.

"I won't stop even if you want me to." I whispered in a deep voice when I joined him once again on the bed.

Call me perverted but I couldn't be satisfied making love with him in just one night or rather say, I won't get tired making love to my Akaashi.

"Are you serious? We do it until dawn Myaa-" I shut Akaashi up by kissing him passionately that he has no choice but to respond. My hands wander to his still naked body as we kissed and when I found his still soft entrance, his moans get louder that is making me smile in between kisses.

"I love hearing your moans Aachi..." I whispered before I bit his ears gently and positioned myself on top of him.

We stared at each other's eyes while I gently put my raging member inside him. Akaashi bites his lower lip to suppress his moans while clutching on the bed sheets when I moved slowly on top of him while stroking his hard on as well that is leaking with precum.

I leaned a little and kissed his lips while moving a bit faster while he moves his hips too trying to follow my pace. Soft moans, grunts, plopping sounds and words of love resounded my room until we both found our release. I dropped beside Akaashi after I cum inside him again and rolled on my side to look at his beautiful face. He looked tired yet still beautiful with those flushed cheeks of his.

"I love you." I said sweetly that made him smile before planting a soft kiss on my lips.

"I love you too." He answered that made my heart beats aggressively.

I hold Akaashi's hand and kissed the back of his palm while looking at those pretty eyes of his that has traces of tears after we made love.

"I feel like I'm in a dream." I whispered softly that made him looked at me with a wondering look on his face so I explained my reason.

"Coz I never thought that you'll love me just the same. I know that you're still moving on-"

Akaashi hushed me using his point finger.

"Don't ruin my morning. I ended everything with him Myaa-Sam why are you still thinking that I still might have feelings for him?"

I smiled sadly. "He's your first. You loved him first. How am I going to compete to that?"

Akaashi pinched my cheeks with his hands. "I never asked you to compete with him. Just love me. That's enough for me Osamu."

I feel a little bit relieved to what he said but a part of me still know that a part of him will always be owned by that owl.

Akaashi kissed me that truly melted my anxieties away. He pulled away before it deepens and looked at me with sincerity.

"Why are you competing with him anyway? Just so you know, since that day in Inarizaki, my thoughts is full of you that I rarely think of him." Akaashi said with a sweet smile plastered on his lips.

"When I'm reminded of him, my heart feels exhausted. And when I think of you, I feel like my heart will explode in excitement and happiness." He continued and held my hand to plant soft kisses on it.

"He was my melancholy."

Akaashi looked at me in the eye and smiled.

"You are my euphoria."

Akaashi gently touch my face and brushes my lips with his thumb.

"I stayed in love for so long in melancholy..."

He leaned a little to plant a soft kiss on my lips before he pulled away a little and brushes his nose to mine.

"So now, I choose to stay in love in euphoria."

Akaashi smiled sweetly and on his eyes, there's no traces of sadness anymore.

"After all, I love my euphoria more."


	23. Melanphoria Part 2 - Chapter 22

**_Melanphoria Part II_ **

_Miya Osamu’s POV_

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

_Ecstatic. Euphoric. Rhapsodic. Thankful. Contented. Loved._

That's what I feel every single day after Akaashi and I became a couple. It's as if nothing really changes between us except the kisses, making love and exchanges of I love you's. We rarely fight even though we're living together. I guess the only thing that we argue is about me still not talking to my twin since our birthday. He feels bad about it because he thought that it's his fault that's why me and Tsumu are still not talking with each other.

I'm still mad to my twin for ruining my birthday celebration but what makes me mad is when he accused me of stealing Akaashi from his team mate when he's the one who knows me the most.

"Myaa-Sam... Can we go to Kugenuma Beach tonight?" Akaashi asked and looked at me from reading the message he got from whoever it is that texted him. My brows creased when I realized that it might be Hinata who texted him because it's the closest beach here that can play beach volleyball.

"I told you. I still don't want to talk to Tsumu. I'm still mad." I said coldly and continued washing the dishes we used for dinner earlier.

"Myaa-sam..."

I sighed in defeat and stopped washing the dishes when I felt Akaashi's arms embracing me from the back.

"Don't." I warned but it's too late because he has this puppy look on his face when I look at him.

I groaned in frustration because it's my weakness. Dating Akaashi, I learned that he has his cunning side as well but even so, I still can't resist his cuteness when he's being like this.

"You should've come to Inarizaki. You're so cunning." I said in frustration that made him chuckled.

I take off the dishwashing gloves and face him, embracing him tightly while I rest my chin on his shoulder. Akaashi hugs me back as well and we stayed like that. It's calming. His gentle heartbeat that beats with mine. His soft breathing that sync with mine. His warm body enclosed in my warm embrace.

"Myaa-Sam... Do this for me please. I feel guilty whenever I think that I'm the cause why your relationship with your twin became like this." Akaashi said in a soft tone. I could sense the sadness on his voice that gives me a mixed feeling of guilt and irritation.

Guilt for making him feel unwelcomed by my twin because of my feelings as if it became a burden. And irritation for my twin who just won't support me in this when I supported him before.

I sighed in defeat. "Okay. I will do this because it's almost your birthday and our first month being a couple."

Akaashi pushed me a little to meet my gaze with a sweet smile on his face.

"Thank you Samu and I'm sorry for ruining your relationship with your twin." Akaashi's smile faded and that made me frown.

I cupped his face and rest my forehead on his.

"You didn't do anything wrong. It's his fault for misunderstanding things. Don't blame yourself or else I'll take back what I said earlier."

I kissed him gently to drive away his worries that is made by the conflict between me and my twin. He responded with the same intensity, giving me more access to deepen the kiss, so I did. My hands roam freely on his body as the kissed gone deeper making this beautiful person in my arms moan as his body melted in my touch.

"Aachi..." I whispered his name in between kissing him and caressing his pale and delicate body after changing our position and pinned him near the sink.

"Myaa-Sam... Let's... Stop-"

I cut off his words by kissing him passionately while pressing his body on mine so he could feel how aroused I am just because of this simple kiss we shared. Akaashi moaned in surprise when I touched his boner that made me smile in between kisses because it's already wet with precum.

I pulled away from our kiss and gaze at him without hiding the burning lust in my eyes that made my beautiful Akaashi blushed in embarrassment.

"Are you sure you want me to stop?" I teased as I keep my hand do its work on pleasuring my Akaashi.

He just pulled me closer and bite my neck to suppress his moans but it just riled me up more. I'm getting drunk to the pain and pleasure of his bite and moans. And it's hard to stay sober so after I made him cum in my hands, I drag him quickly to my room and gently push him on the bed.

Akaashi bites his lips as he watched me take off my shirt. I pressed my lips to control this burning desire I feel right now without taking my eyes off of him.

"I don't plan to put it in tonight but you're making it hard for me not to." I said in a groaned like voice after I joined him in bed.

"Why not? I won't break." Akaashi said in a soft voice that's almost sounds like whisper but to my ears, it sounds seductive.

I pinned him in the bed and kissed him passionately after that. We tried to dominate each other but he still ends up submitting to my kiss and caress. His soft seductive moans resounded the room as I nibbled his nipples before I moved to my next target, his still soft and twitching hole. Akaashi widened his eyes and tried to pull me up when he realized what I'm about to do.

"I'm going to hate you if you do that- ahmmpf..."

His protest became suppressed moans when I start licking his hole while stroking his still hard member. Akaashi buried his face with pillow to muffled the moans escaping his lips because of the pleasure I'm giving him.

I stopped licking him when he cum for the second time and crawled on top of him to remove the pillow on his face just to feel guilty when I saw him crying with his face blushing in embarrassment.

"I hate you." He said in between sobbed that hurts me a little.

"I'm sorry Aachi-" Before I could even finish my words Akaashi pushed me on the bed and topped me.

"This is payback." My fiery Akaashi said before he attacked me.

My eyes shut on its own when he tugs off my pants and touched my hard-on gently. I almost jerk off my waist when I felt his wet tongue licking the head of my member.

"Aachi..." I moaned his name in a hoarse voice and open my eyes to look at him while he sucks me off in a gentle manner.

It's turning me on even more the way his face blushed when I gaze at him with my eyes full of sexual desire. I hope he will forgive me if we need to cancel tonight's plan because I couldn't take it anymore.

"I want you, Keiji." I utter in a gruff voice that made him stop sucking me and ride me slowly after he puts a condom on my thing with his trembling hands, and it is driving me real crazy.

He slowly put my raging hard-on inside him that is twitching at the sexy sight of him riding me. I gently held his waist to guide him as he slowly moves on top of me.

"You're so beautiful, Keiji." I whispered that made him blush. And I swear to God, I really can't hold it anymore. His slow movement is prolonging the agony of my hard member.

"I'm sorry babe... I can't take it anymore." I said before I change our position and rammed inside him roughly making Akaashi's body tremble in pain and pleasure after I hit his sweet spot.

"Found it... Your sweet spot." I whispered with a smile on my face as I wipe the sweat on my forehead.

"Osa...mu- Ahh! Hnnmphh-" Akaashi wrapped his arms on my nape as if he wants a kiss so I kissed him passionately as I keep thrusting inside him.

Moans, huffs, grunts and Akaashi's soft cry resounded the room until we both gets our release. I kissed Akaashi passionately before I pulled out inside him, throws the used condom and lay down beside him while looking at him lovingly.

"Is it okay to tell Tsumu that I'm dating you?" I asked after the short silence between us while holding his hand.

Only a few people know that we're dating. From his friends, only Tsukishima and his setters squad knows that we're finally dating. While on my side, everyone closed to me except Tsumu knew about it.

Akaashi sighed and smiled. "I'm the one who should ask you about it. Is it okay if I tell your twin that I'm dating you now?"

I kissed his hand that I'm holding and nod.

"I know it hasn't been so long that I ended my relationship with Bokuto-san, but I'm sure about my feelings." Akaashi said in a soft yet clear voice.

I stay quiet.

"I know that my heart won't get swayed by him again because it beats for you now, Osamu."

His hand that I'm holding, he clasped it with mine. And without taking his gaze off of me he smiled sincerely.

"If it's with you..."

He paused.

"I don't mind feeling that melanphoric feelings once more."

I tried my best to hold back my tears. His words calm me every time I feel insecure to his first love.

"I don't mind you being my..."

I could see Akaashi's feelings through his eyes. That it's making it hard for me not to tear up because it's full of love.

"Melanphoria..."


	24. Melanphoria Part 2 - Chapter 23

**_Melanphoria Part II_ **

_Miya Osamu’s POV_

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

"Are you having fun Aachi?" I asked with a wide grin on my face while strolling the now uncrowded theme park we're in.

The grin on my face wouldn't go away because of three things. One, it's our first month being a couple and Akaashi's birthday. Two, Tsumu finally accepted our relationship after we had a serious talk when I called him the same night that we missed meeting them in Kugenuma Beach. And three, I'm walking hand in hand with the person I love right now without giving a damn to other people's scorned look they're giving us.

Akaashi looked at me with a contented smile on his face. "I am. What about you Myaa-Sam?"

I stopped from walking that made him stop too and looked at me. Instead of answering, I pulled him closer and hugged him tight regardless of the people who gives us second glances because of our public display of affection. My heart thumps so loud that I could hear it too while embracing him. It's hard to breathe to be honest. I feel like my heart will explode any minute now because of happiness.

"Can you feel how fast my heartbeat?" I asked before I pulled away a little and looked at his flushed face.

Akaashi nods shyly.

"You're the only one who makes it beats like that." I chuckled when he buried his face on my chest to hide his embarrassed face.

A puff of smoke escaped my mouth when I sighed in contentment. How I wish this day won't end and we'll stay happy like this.

"Happy birthday Aachi-chan. I love you." I whispered on his ear before planting a soft kiss on his forehead and pulled away from hugging him.

"Thank you, Myaa-Sam. For making this day special. I love you too." Akaashi utter in a low voice enough for me to hear when we started to walk again.

I looked at him and smiled when I saw tears clouded on his eyes as he bites his lips to stop himself from crying. We walked towards the carousel and when we saw that it's still crowded, I lead him to a nearby bench to rest for a bit.

"I'll get us something to drink. Wait for me here. Don't leave." I commands before leaving to get my present for him that I asked Suna to bring with him.

It's a large white fox stuff toy and balloons. But my main gift is on my pocket already. I'm not good in this kind of stuffs so I asked for Suna's help since between the two of us, he's the expert in giving surprises. I already planned everything. After I gave him the stuffed toy and balloons, I'll ask him to ride the carousel with me. And of course, I asked for the ride operator's help earlier when I excused myself when we had our lunch, to play a romantic song for us later.

I'm planning to propose. I know we just started dating but I've been loving him for years. And now that I finally have him, I won't let this one chance to slip away. After all, I can't love anyone else anymore. It's him and always be him, who I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I already received Suna's text that he's waiting near the entrance so I hurriedly went there. But my brows creased when I saw him talking to my twin together with his team and Tsukishima who has the same look on my face when he saw me walking towards them.

"Why are you here?" Tsumu asked in surprise.

"It's Akaashi's birthday so I took him out on a date. Why?" I asked back that made Tsumu looked to his team mates with a worried look on their faces.

"Why?" I asked again after I took the stuff toy from Suna who looked worried too.

"Well..." Tsumu hesitated so Tsukishima finished it for him.

"We were with Bokuto-san earlier but we lost him. He already heard the news about you and Akaashi-san and to be honest, he's been in a mess since then so we're kind of worried if ever they meet especially now that he drank a lot-"

I didn't let Tsukishima finish his words and run to where Akaashi is, leaving the gift I had for him to Suna.

_Am I afraid?_

_Yes._

_Who won't be? It's Bokuto Koutarou. Akaashi Keiji's first. I know he won't get swayed again but there's a part of me who knew that even now, he will always have this space on Akaashi's heart that I can't take._

_I do trust Akaashi..._

_But..._

_I don't trust Bokuto._

_And his ways of making Akaashi's heart swayed._

I stopped on my feet when I saw them standing in front of the bright Carousel where I left Akaashi, talking seriously but when Akaashi was about to leave Bokuto stopped him by grabbing his hand and hugged him with tears on his eyes.

_No..._

_If my weakness is Akaashi's tears..._

I tried to walk towards them even though I feel like I'm dragging something heavy on my feet. Or was it that they feel so far even though they're just a few steps away.

"Bokuto-san I already have-"

"I feel like I'm dying without you Akaashi... I regret all the things I did to you. I regret believing Konoha more than you. I should’ve trusted you more. I never should have let you go. I never should have treated you that way. I’m sorry, Akaashi. I’m so sorry."

I stopped once more when Bokuto cut off Akaashi by saying those words. Just like how I got froze on my feet, Akaashi looked bewildered when Bokuto kneeled in front of him while holding his hand so tight. I laughed wearily when people start to gather around and watched them. Who won't be when the guy kneeling in front of my Akaashi is a famous volleyball player who played for Japan's volleyball team to conquer the world?

“Take me back, Akaashi…please. I’m begging you. I’ll die without you. You’re my world…and my life. I don’t care if you stay because of pity. I just want you back. I love you, Akaashi.” He begged with tears on his eyes that made Akaashi's face soften.

"Samu..." I looked blankly at my twin who followed me with everyone.

"That ass-" I tried to stop Tsukishima when he tried to come in between Akaashi and Bokuto.

I look back to where they are and smiled sadly when I met Akaashi's sad and helpless gaze. I feel defeated when tears fell on his eyes before he looked back to Bokuto who's crying on his knees.

I turn around to leave the scene when Suna followed me, still holding the stuff toy and balloons that is supposed to be Akaashi's gift.

"Are you not going to get him from that owl?" He asked that made me look up on the starless sky to suppress my tears.

"How can I? When he looked at me like that?" I asked as if telling it to myself.

"What do you mean?" I looked at Suna and smiled faintly.

"My weakness is Akaashi's tears..."

I sighed and continue walking to leave that place.

"...and Bokuto's tears is Akaashi's weakness."


	25. Melanphoria Part 2 - Chapter 24

**_Melanphoria Part II_ **

_Miya Osamu’s POV_

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

I don't know how long I waited for Akaashi in the parking lot until I decided to go home when he didn't show up after I walked out. My heart feels heavy when he's not there either. I've been ignoring Tsumu and Suna's call since earlier so when my twin called once more, I answered him this time.

"Where are ya? I've been calling ya since-"

"I'm home and I'm tired Tsumu. Let's talk later." I said in clear yet tired voice before ending the call and compose a message for Suna that I'm home.

I lay down on my sofa and cover my eyes with my arms. My heart feels heavy when I thought about that scene I saw earlier. If it's like before, I would probably drag Akaashi away from him but I can't. Coz before I could even get close to him, he already said the words that would make Akaashi's heart sway.

And on top of it all, he made Akaashi's expression softened.

I guess what Akaashi's former team mate said was right. The same person I saw that drag him from kneeling in front of Bokuto before.

_That even if I can fix Akaashi's life..._

_Bokuto will always be Akaashi's world._

_That even if I spoiled Akaashi with my love..._

_Bokuto is the only one who could fill that void in Akaashi's heart..._

_That even if I am Akaashi's euphoria..._

_Bokuto will always be Akaashi's melanphoria..._

_His melancholy and euphoria..._

_And if Bokuto asked Akaashi to take him back in tears..._

_Akaashi will hesitate to push him away._

I startled when I heard the front door opened. I get up and my scared gaze met his sad and guilty eyes. I wanted to ask him where he has been but just seeing his puffy eyes, I already know that he was with him.

_Akaashi only cry to this extent because of him._

_And deep inside me, I also wished for him to cry for me like that._

_But I know it’s impossible._

"Samu... I-"

"Welcome home." I greeted with a fake smile while trying so hard not to burst out from crying.

Akaashi just bite his lips with a guilt look on his face before he walks towards the sofa and sat beside me without greeting back at me.

"I'm... S-sorry for-"

I sighed and tapped his back gently. "Do you want to take a bath? I'll heat it."

I said and stood up but before I could even leave, Akaashi grab my hand to stop me.

"Can we talk properly, Osamu-san?"

I feel like my heart is getting squeezed tightly when Akaashi used formal speech. I shut my eyes for a second to stop my tears from falling and heaved a sigh. I know I'm just prolonging my agony by doing this, besides if he wanted to leave me and get back together with that owl, there's nothing I could do. I can't trap him forever with me.

_I can't force him to stay._

_I don't want to be the cause of his unhappiness._

I sat beside Akaashi without looking at him and asked him the only question I know to make this conversation of ours short.

"Do you want to break up?"

Akaashi looked at me with disbelief and an empty laugh escape my lips.

"I know you love me. I trust you Akaashi..." I started.

I held his cold hand and smiled sadly.

"...But I don't trust myself." I said without breaking our eye contact.

"Samu-"

"I know I haven't taken the whole space of your heart. I know that there's a void in there that only him can fill."

"I might be your euphoria..."

Tears starts to roll down my face one by one but I continued on my speech.

"...But he's your melancholia."

"Samu I-"

I hushed him with my point finger and smiled.

"I'm not letting you go on my own, Keiji. I'm asking you to let go if you want to end this, coz I can't."

Tears fell down on his eyes as he keeps on apologizing that breaks my heart slowly and painfully. I tried to smile and kissed him gently before handing him the gift that I wanted to give him earlier.

The ring that symbolizes my love for him. A silver fox ring with a small red cubic zirconia stone. A symbol that would mark him as mine. That he's this fox's mate.

And with tears in my eyes, I smiled sincerely for the last time while telling him these words.

"I can only give you two options..."

"End things with me..."

"or..."

"End things with him and marry me."

"I'll give you time to think. For now, I'll be staying to my twin for a while. But if you decided to end things with me, take that ring coz it's for you."

I said and stood up to get my keys when he tried to stop me by grabbing my hand, with tears on his eyes. As if he doesn't want me to leave but I really can't take this pain.

"Aachi please let me go... I don't want to end up locking you here so you won't leave my side." I honestly said but he didn't let me go.

"Myaa-sam..."

I pulled him up and kissed him passionately, not minding the tears on our faces. He responded eagerly as if he wants our last time together to be not as painful as theirs. So, without breaking our kiss, I lift him up in bridal style and went to our bedroom. I put him on the bed with care and break our kiss.

I just gaze at him lovingly but sadness is still prominent on my eyes. I felt embarrassed because I'm still in tears so I tried to look away but he didn't let me. Instead, he cupped my face and kissed me.

Gentle and sweet.

Tears flooded my eyes because of the way he kisses me. It's as if he's trying to give me a bittersweet memory to hold on while he's thinking. Or as if, this is already goodbye.

"I love you, Keiji." I whispered in between kisses but he didn't answer back like before.

_It's heartbreaking..._

"Make love to me... Let me remember your warmth..." Akaashi said instead while looking at me with guilt and sadness filled his eyes.

I sighed and smiled painfully.

_I guess his response is more heartbreaking than not hearing his 'I love you too'._

_Did he forget about my warmth already after being embraced by that owl?_

_Or_

_I really didn't engrave my warmth on him so he forgets it easily?_

_Did I really infiltrate his heart?_

_Or_

_We just thought I did but, I didn't?_

I pulled away from him and sat on the bed. Akaashi tried to touch me but I stopped his hand by grabbing it firmly.

I looked at him with a sad smile plastered on my lips.

"I can't make love to you now, Akaashi. Not until you choose me. Not until you are sure that It's me you love. Coz whatever I do, you won't remember my warmth anyway if your heart only remembers his."

I stood up and tried to leave the room when Akaashi called my name.

"Osamu..."

I didn't look at him coz I'm afraid if I do, I would end up begging him not to go. I don't want to force him to stay. I want him to stay because he wants me. Not because he took pity on me.

"Remember that you will always be my melanphoria..."

I said in a soft voice coz I'm trying to suppress my cry.

"... How I wish I'd be the same to you but I know it's impossible."

I said before leaving the room while in my head were the words I couldn't speak louder.

_After all, a person will only feel that melanphoric feeling when they love the person wholeheartedly._

_When that person is the source both of their extreme sadness and outmost happiness._

_Their melancholy and euphoria._

I burst out crying just after I got to the first step of the stairs when reality hits me.

The reality that slapped to me by his former team mate when he visited my store that I've been trying to ignore.

_I can never be Akaashi's melanphoria._

_Because I am only his..._

_Temporary euphoria in the midst of his melancholia._


	26. Melanphoria Part 3 - Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Melanphoria part 3 is bokuto's POV.

**_Melanphoria Part III_ **

_Bokuto Koutarou’s POV_

**Chapter** **Twenty-Five**

My laugh echoed in the living room and I bet it could also be heard in our room where Akaashi is probably listening now. I don't care if he does though, I want him to hear it. I'm doing this as revenge for cheating on me.

_For making me look like a fool._

_For making me feel like shit._

_For hurting me like this._

_For putting me in hell._

"Your laugh sounds fake Kou." Yukie said from the other line but I didn't deny it.

I am really faking my happiness now. Who will be happy if the person you love and trusted the most is cheating on you? And does it really have to be the same person who helped him ruined my relationship with Yukie?

"Kou...stop torturing Akaashi. Did you even try to confirm it with him? Besides, it's impossible that what Konoha said was true. I bet he's lying too just like how he lied to me that something happened between us." Yukie said from the other line that made me sigh.

Yukie was my ex-girlfriend who left me. And the one who ruined my relationship with her is Konoha and Akaashi. I admit it's not really going that well that time because of Akaashi.

_Because I'm falling for him._

That's why it wasn't really a big deal if only that's the only thing he do. But it wasn't the case. There was more to it that made me being the villain of the story.

"He already admitted that he was an accomplice of Konoha. For sure it's also true that he and Konoha are sleeping behind my back. I even saw a hickey on him when Konoha sent him home in a drunken state." I said in a low voice trying to suppress my anger just remembering it. As much as I hated Akaashi for cheating on me with Konoha, I can't let him go.

I love him so much to the point that I'm being this destructive. I don't really hurt him physically coz I can't. I still love him so much. But I'm making him feel what I felt after knowing his relationship with Konoha.

"You're so stubborn! I just hope Akaashi get tired of your treatment and leave! So, you would know the consequences of being this stubborn!" Yukie said that made me silent for a moment.

"He won't. I won't let him. I'll kill us both if he tries to leave me. Akaashi's mine." I said in a serious tone that made Yukie's turn to be silent.

She chuckled. "I didn't know you're this twisted. I'm glad I broke up with you."

"Shut up." I laughed again with a heavy heart.

_Me too._

_I didn't know I'm like this._

_I only feel this way towards Akaashi._

_Now and then._

_It's only him._

Yukie sighed and said goodbye when her girlfriend called her to eat dinner so I said goodbye and end the call too. It's the real reason why Yukie broke up with me, she fell in love to somebody else and the guilt is eating her. I only found out about it when we meet again during Japan versus Argentina match where she introduced me to her reporter girlfriend.

I sighed and massage my temple.

_If only Akaashi didn't ask Konoha's help..._

_If only he asked me out normally..._

_If only he's honest with me..._

_I bet we will not end up like this._

I entered the room and when I saw him flinched, I act as if I'm still talking someone on the phone when in fact it's been a while since my call with Yukie ended.

"See you tomorrow Yukie, I miss you." I whispered in a gentle tone but enough for him to hear.

_I know he's still awake._

_Does it make me feel better to see him hurting because of this facade?_

_No. I don't want to hurt him but the pain I feel lessens when I see him cry because of me._

_It's just mean that he still loves me._

_It's just means that he's still mine._

_It's just mean that he still wants me._

_But it doesn't mean that I can forgive him just like that._

I can't erase in mind how many times he hang-out with Konoha when we're still dating and finally lived together. And during those times, he will come back home tired. Just knowing that Akaashi met with that bastard kills me. What more when I finally learned their deal? That in exchange of being with me, Konoha can have sex with him whenever he wants to?

_It's excruciating._

_Knowing that puts me in hell._

I didn't confirm it to Akaashi coz I'm afraid that I might end up killing us both if he admits that it's true. Just him, admitting that he was Konoha's accomplice for making Yukie thinks that she cheated on me, also confirms that what Konoha said about having sex with him is also true.

_But still..._

_I can't let him go._

_I love Akaashi._

_Too much..._

_That I became this twisted and..._

_Destructive._

I lay down beside him and hugged him from the back so damn tight. I want to cry all my frustrations, all my insecurities, all my hatred when we're like this. When I'm hugging him like this, when I feel his warmth.

_After all, Akaashi is still my world._

_Even if his words are all lies._

_I can only love him._

_Even if he keeps on cheating on me with Konoha._

_I want to end this silent suffering of mine._

_But I can't._

_I'm afraid._

_That I might end up hurting him more if Konoha is telling the truth._

"Yukie..." Akaashi

I end up calling my ex's name when I remembered Konoha that bastard.

"Don't go." I murmured lovingly that made me loathe myself for doing this kind of thing.

I hate myself for hurting him this way. I'm becoming the person I'm not. I closed my eyes when he turned to me. I feel like my heart is breaking when Akaashi gently touch my face while silently weeping. I want to open my eyes and ask him if it's true that he's sleeping with Konoha even now. I want to confront him right now but, I'm scared to confirm the truth from him.

_I'm a fuckin' coward._

"I'm sorry Bokuto-san. For being this selfish. Just a bit more. Please stay a bit more." he softly whispered and kissed my lips lightly that almost makes me want to respond but he gets up on our bed after that and went to the comfort room to cry there freely.

Relieving himself a little from the pain that is also slowly killing me.

_It's killing me too._

_Hearing his silent cries at night._

_Me too..._

_I'm slowly dying._

_This is the reason why I keep on threatening him that I'll leave. Coz if I didn't, I doubt that he will stay._

"You're mine Akaashi..."

I whispered to myself.

_Whether it's heaven and hell..._

_Extreme sadness and outmost happiness..._

_Melancholy and Euphoria..._

"You will always be it..."

_My melanphoria._


	27. Melanphoria Part 3 - Chapter 26

**_Melanphoria Part III_ **

_Bokuto Koutarou’s POV_

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

"What the heck? Are you seriously giving that to him?" Yukie asked when he saw the ring that I ordered that I'm planning to give Akaashi on our anniversary.

It is a silver Celtic owl wedding band with infinity symbol pattern.

Yukie's laughter echoed in the store that made me blushed me because of her reaction. I regret asking her to come with me here. I should have asked Hinata with me but I'm afraid he'll expose me to Akaashi before I could even propose properly.

I sighed when I remembered how long Akaashi cried in the bathroom last night that made me regret what I've been doing to him.

_I want to start a new life with him._

_I want to start over._

_I want to forget all the painful things after we talked it over and live like how I want us to be._

_Live like a normal loving couple._

That's what my heart says while watching him cry on his sleep while clutching to my shirt so tight. I want us to start anew so I bought this ring. He's the only one I want to spend the rest of my life with anyway. It’s hard to breathe just the thought of him leaving me. So, before it happens, I'll make my move now. I want to end both of our suffering.

_I want to forgive him._

We went to Akaashi's favorite store after and buy a cake for him. He likes sweet so while waiting for my order, Yukie and I talked a bit more.

"Did you finally talk about it? The thing Konoha said to you? Is that why you both a wedding band?" Yukie asked while sipping on her iced tea.

I shook my head and smiled sweetly.

"I'm going to talk about it with him during our anniversary. Whether it's true or not, I'll tell him to cut off all his connections with Konoha and marry me. After all, he's the one I love. I can't see myself loving anyone else than him." I admitted that made Yukie smiled in happiness.

She gently holds my hand with a sweet smile on her lips.

"I'm giving you all my support. I'm glad and relieved at the same time that finally, you won't be an asshole. I feel sorry for Akaashi because of your stubbornness to settle things properly. I can't talk to him though because he might get hurt if I told him what I know and it might cause a misunderstanding. I'm still your ex after all." She said after removing her hands on mine.

I chuckled and take a sip on my iced tea before looking at the glass window. I almost stand up on my seat when I saw Akaashi and Konoha across the street looking at us. I couldn't tell Akaashi's expression and before I could even read his expressions, Konoha made him turn around and hugged him that startled not only Yukie but everyone near us when I smashed the glass of iced tea on our table. Pouring the contents on the table, making my hand bleeds because of the shattered glass.

_Like always..._

_When I decided to just forget everything and start anew..._

_This bastard always come in the picture..._

_Ruining everything._

"Kou-chan!" Yukie shouted my name but I am already blinded with jealousy.

I went outside and left Yukie to follow Akaashi but it's only Konoha who was left on the scene with an annoying smirk on his face.

"Why are you with him? I already told you to stop meeting him!" I said angrily but he just looked at me not even affected on my rage.

"Why don't you just let him go and get back together with Yukie? Your relationship with Akaashi won't be fixed anyway." He said that riled me up so I punch him in the face making Yukie shout in nervousness.

"Hey stop it Kou!" Yukie tried to stop me when I was about to hit Konoha again who just laughed and looked at me without any remorse on his face.

"Sooner or later, Akaashi will end things with you. Keep it up Bokuto-san. Keep hurting him until he became numb." He said before leaving me and Yukie.

I tried to follow him but Yukie stopped me.

"Don't! Let's just wait to your house. It's starting to rain too, for sure Akaashi will go home. Let's just wait him there. If Akaashi pushed him away, then there's no way he'll go to Konoha." She said that somehow calmed me a little.

_But I'm still scared._

_What if Akaashi really leave me now?_

_Is that why he said last night to stay a little bit more?_

_Is he really planning on leaving me?_

Those were my thoughts until Yukie and I arrived to my apartment. I feel devastated when I didn't see him. I wanted to call him or message him but my pride is stopping me on doing so.

_I didn't do anything wrong._

_I didn't cheat on him._

_I do hurt him deliberately but I did not cheat._

_It's because of him and Konoha._

_It's because of Konoha's words._

_That I ended up this twisted and hateful._

I heaved a sigh. I want to erase Konoha's words in my mind but it just keeps coming back to me.

"Kou... Why does Konoha bothers you so much? I feel that he's lying about this thing with Akaashi but why can't you see it?" Yukie asked that made me smiled sadly.

"Why can't I feel bothered with him? When he is the only person who can make Akaashi laugh." I said sadly.

And as the rain tattooed on the roof. My mind went back to that time where it all started.


	28. Melanphoria Part 3 - Chapter 27

**_Melanphoria Part III_ **

_Bokuto Koutarou’s POV_

**Chapter** **Twenty-Seven**

"I'm gay Bokuto-san." Akaashi said that surprised me while we're walking home.

He had his head down as if he's afraid that I might look differently to him after coming out on me. I am surprised, but not to his confession but to why I feel ecstatic to his confession about his sexual preference.

I put my arms on his shoulder as if I heard nothing serious. "Does it make me your best friend now?"

I asked that made him looked at me finally. And God may forgive me but I feel like my heart skipped a beat when I saw how tears welled up on his eyes with a relieved smile on his flushed face.

"Thank you for acting normal Bokuto-san. To be honest, I'm really afraid that I needed to quit the club after this. I don't want to get hated just because I like men. It's just that I want to let this out coz it's suffocating me." Akaashi said while wiping the tears that fall on his eyes, making me want to hug him tight.

"And why do you have to quit? Does being gay makes you a sinner? Gay or not, You're a great person and the best setter Akaashi." I said that calms him.

"Thank you, Bokuto-san."

Akaashi said at me with a sincere smile on his face before he heaved a relived sigh as we walked towards our station.

_Akaashi looks more beautiful than Yukie with that smile of his._

I slowly released my hands that is on his shoulders when I thought about that. I'm not gay that's for sure. And I'm in love with Yukie for so long.

_But why..._

I glanced at Akaashi's beautiful face while he's not looking at me. And again, my heart skipped a beat when he glanced back at me and smiled sweetly.

_Why my heart keeps on skipping a beat like this?_

_Am I sick?_

That was my first thought when Akaashi confessed about his sexual preference. But since that day, I couldn't get him out of my head and I've been having weird dreams about him lately. And what's more terrifying to my feeling is that I hate it when he's hanging out with Konoha and see them close. I know Akaashi's only a friend and my setter, but even so, I can't erase this hateful feeling of mine whenever they are together.

Whenever Konoha makes him laugh that I couldn't do.

Whenever they hangout alone without me.

"Why do you ask my relationship with him? Are you jealous?" Konoha asked when I told him not to keep asking Akaashi to hang out every day.

_Jealous?_

I've never been jealous my whole life. Even if Yukie gets letters and chocolates from other guys, I've never felt insecure or jealous about it.

_But why?_

_Why do I feel like shit when I see Akaashi laugh to Konoha's corny jokes?_

_Why am I irritated with their closeness?_

_As if I want Akaashi to only feel like that towards me._

"Let's break up, Kou. I'm sorry." Yukie said one day.

She said that she ends up sleeping with Konoha when they had a drink with the others. We've been dating for so long and I know she's not the type to cheat. I begged her not to break up with me. But I admit, it's not because I love her so much that I can't live without her but because, she's the only one who's holding my sanity.

_She's like my conscience..._

_A stopper..._

_To not jump on Akaashi whenever I sleep over to his house._

_To not punch Konoha when he casually touches Akaashi._

_To not fall in love deeper with Akaashi when I knew that I'm not the person he likes._

I feel that he likes Konoha. He acts cold and distant when he's with me and total opposite when he's with Konoha. The only time he smiled at me warm and sincere was when he admits that he's gay.

But Yukie still left me and transferred. I drown myself in sorrow not because she's gone but because when I went to Akaashi's home to talk about what happened to my relationship with Yukie, I saw him being hugged by Konoha in front of his house.

_I am hurt._

_I feel defeated._

_Twice because of the same person._

_The person who ruined my relationship._

_And now taking the person I want to be with._

_So, I drowned myself in alcohol._

I don't know how much I drank that time. What I remembered is that Akaashi went to pick me up. And that he brought me to a hotel. I can't remember how we end up having sex but what I recalled is that I keep on calling Yukie's name that night and begging her not to leave coz it'll make me a sinner.

_A sinner who's only salvation is Adam._

_And that Adam is Akaashi._

And when I woke up remembering all the things I did, I told him that I will take responsibility of it even we're both men. But why did I ask him out without telling him my feelings?

_Because I'm scared that he will hate me if he found out that I've dreamed about making love with him almost every night._

_That I love him._

Why I didn't stop on making love with him back then?

_I did it because I want to take him away from Konoha who took my sanity away from me._

_If he didn't sleep with Yukie, I'm still sober._

_I might forget this feeling I have for Akaashi sooner or later._

_But he made Yukie leave me._

_And that's how I make Akaashi mine._

But even so, their closeness was still the same. They still text and call each other. They hangout like always. While me and Akaashi couldn't even act as normal couple when it's just the two of us. We looked sweet in front of our friends but when it's just the two of us, there's this awkwardness.

We rarely kiss or have sex. And we always do it when I had a drink and acts drunk. But when we do it while I'm sober, Akaashi always blindfolding me. And I fuckin feel insecure about it.

_Why does he keep on blindfolding me when I love seeing his lewd expression? When I love to hear his moans. I love him but I feel like, I'm being used by him._

_It feels like I'm not really the one he wanted to be with._

_Like I'm just someone else's substitute..._

_Because he can't leave me._

_Because he pities on me._

_Because he doesn't have a choice but to be mine._

_And this insecurity of mine got worsen when we started living together._

_Why?_

Because there are times that I hear him talking to someone in the middle of the night. And when I once acted sleeping, I saw him leave my side and met a drunk Konoha outside our home. And when I tried to ask him where he went when he came back, he lied. I feel betrayed by him so I had my revenge. I hired a random girl to our home and told her to act like we're having sex but I only touched her when I heard him came home.

Akaashi saw us acting intimate when I'm not really doing anything under the sheets. He didn't get mad or anything. He just looked at me painfully that made me feel guilty so I asked to break up with him when the girl I hired left.

"Don't leave me. I'll die if you do." Akaashi said in panic but I continued packing my clothes. I heard him went outside our room so I followed him just to run towards him in panic when he slashed his wrist with a knife.

"I love you Bokuto-san... Please don't leave me." He begged with tears on his eyes. And that's where my confusion and hatred started.

_How can he say that he loves me but still keeps on meeting Konoha in the middle of the night when he thought I'm sleeping?_

I never saw them being intimate. They're just talking as if they're fighting. And I found out the answer. Coz he went home drunk one night with Konoha and he's in a disheveled appearance. I even saw a hickey on his neck that made me go berserk and punch Konoha when I talked to him outside.

"Do you really think your relationship will last? Do you think he's really happy with you? You can't even make love to him when you're sober. You can't make Akaashi happy. At the end of the day he will still come back to me. I have my eyes on him first. He's telling me everything. I'm the right person for him!" Konoha said that night that made me punch him.

"Akaashi's mine now. Back off and don't let me see you hanging out with him again!" I said in anger that only made Konoha laughed mockingly.

"I don't know if you can still say that if you knew what Akaashi asked me to do." He said with a grin on his face that I wanted to erase.

"What do you mean?"

Konoha smirked. "Can you still stay with the person who ruined your relationship?"

"What?"

"Akaashi asked me to ruin your relationship with Yukie. So that he can have you for himself. Because he thinks that you're the one for him when you're not. He is just being delusional because you're the first one who accepted him. And so, I did help him to wake him up on his delusions..."

I feel ecstatic upon knowing it. I don't care if he did all that to make me his. Just knowing that he loves me is enough.

"I don't care."

Konoha smirked.

"But in exchange, I can have sex with him whenever I want to and even until now, we still do."

All the blood rushed to my head so I punched Konoha until he knocked out on the ground. I don't mind Akaashi ruining my relationship. But what I couldn't take is that I'm sharing him with that bastard Konoha.

And that's how he ended up kneeling in front of me that time when we had a match with Argentina, while begging me not to leave him after I found out what he and Konoha did to Yukie.

_I am mad._

_But it still breaks my heart when I saw him in tears._

_I couldn't move but I want to pull him up and hug him tight._

_But I still have this hatred inside me._

Especially when Konoha drags him from kneeling in front of me and take him somewhere I don't know.

_Outmost happiness. That's what I feel when I finally claimed him as mine._

_Extreme sadness. That's what he gave me in return for trusting him. For loving him._

_Melancholy and Euphoria._

_That's what I feel when I'm with him._

I went to the room he's staying when Yukie left. My heart feels heavy when I saw him curled up in bed like a cat with traces of tears on his face. It seems that he didn't take shelter from the rain coz he's wet when he came. I just end up acting cold because of what I saw earlier but the truth is, I really want to hug him tight when he came home.

"Akaashi why did we end up like this?" I asked in a sad tone while brushing the tears that fell on his eyes while sleeping.

I sighed and was about to lift him up so he can sleep on our bed when his phone vibrates beside him. I don't really plan to check his messages coz I respect his privacy if only it's not Konoha who send him a message. I almost throw his phone when I saw Konoha's message.

_From: Konoha_

_Did you get home safe?_

_Isn't it too much now? Stop your martyrdom Akaashi._

_You can always come to me._

_I can take care of you._

_Let's meet tomorrow. I'll pick you up._

_I miss your smile._

_I miss you Akaashi._

I got blinded with jealousy. My mind went black and the last thing I know, I'm fucking him roughly while calling someone else's name. And when I finished, I left him and went to our room.

I ended up slapping myself hard in the face when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror after doing that thing to him. Seeing my monstrous self, I broke the mirror cursing our fucked-up relationship. I tried to calm myself while I stare to that unknown monster reflecting on the broken mirror.

_I need to end this._

_I don't want to hate Akaashi anymore._

_I don't want to hate myself anymore._

_But I don't want to break it off with him too._

_I need to talk to him._

_I want to start over with him._

_I only want Akaashi._

Tears fell on its own when I said that to myself. There's no doubt. It's still him that I want. I cried silently until I calm down. I went out of the bathroom and lay down on our bed. And as I stared at the ceiling. I tried to recall how beautiful his smile was when my heart skipped a beat for the first time.

"I only want you to smile like that again but why I can't make you?"

I sighed and closed my eyes just to feel ashamed of myself for what I did earlier. I get up and went back to check on him from the other room but before I could open the door, my heart aches painfully when I heard his faint sobs.

I want to enter the room and talk to him but my pride is stopping me from doing so. I'm still mad. But a part of me wants to end this madness. In the end, I went back to our room and sleep it off.


	29. Melanphoria Part 3 - Chapter 28

**_Melanphoria Part III_ **

_Bokuto Koutarou’s POV_

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

"Bokuto-san, wake up! You have training, right? I cooked breakfast. I need to go early today." Akaashi woke me up in a lively voice and on his lips plastered a sweet smile as if I didn't mess up last night.

As if nothing happened at all.

He took me by surprise. I just wished for that sweet smile of his last night and now he's doing it. I was caught off guard that I only end up staring at his beautiful smile. Akaashi giggled that made my heart beats rapidly. He gently pinched my nose maybe because I just keep staring at him.

"Wake up sleepyhead! I need to go now. Make sure you eat your breakfast." Akaashi said before leaning closer to give me a peck on the lips.

I almost grab his nape and kiss him properly but I couldn't because of the next set of words he said.

"I love you, Koutarou." He whispered before going, leaving me shocked because it's rare for him to tell me those words. He only says it whenever I threatened him that I'll leave.

I sighed when he left and a sweet smile was plastered on my lips.

_What a blissful morning._

I can't believe it that I'll see Akaashi's sweet smile first thing in the morning and I'll hear him say those words naturally. I rolled in bed because of excitement and message Yukie about it. She was happy and annoyed at the same time because I interrupted her babe time with her girlfriend.

My mood is so lively even until I went to our practice match. I'm planning to talk to him about Konoha tonight. I don't want to wait until our anniversary. I want to settle everything tonight. If only Konoha didn't ruin it with a simple text telling me to just break up with Akaashi. Making me remember what I did last night.

It makes me wonder that Akaashi really do tell Konoha everything about him. And I feel this destructive rage again.

"Bokuto-san, let's eat out together!" Hinata said that made me hide my frown from the text I got from my former team mate.

"Sure. I'll pick up Akaashi. We'll meet you at the usual pub." I said and left to pick up my Akaashi before that bastard Konoha could get to him.

I called Akaashi when I got to the front of his office building and waited for him. He immediately went to see me right after our call with a bright smile on his face and greeted me in a jolly tone.

"You're being weird, Akaashi. I'm warning you. The moment you do something against Yukie again, I'll leave you." I hissed before I could even stop my mouth from blabbering words I didn't mean to say.

A weak smile formed his lips that made me guilty. "Don't worry Bokuto-san... I won't."

I didn't say a word and just walked to the pub we usually go. It's just a walking distance to his office. We walked in silence but my conscience is eating me for snapping at him like that even though I told myself that I'll talk to him first.

"You're so slow." I said when I realized that he's not walking side by side with me anymore. I grab his hand and drag him gently.

It calms me a little when I feel his warmth. All the exhaustion of battling with my jealousy, insecurity, hatred and all this negativity when he's not around, disappears when we're like this.

I do love him but the reason why I can't trust him is because he still communicates with Konoha even after I learned what they did.

_Akaashi still run to him._

I already knew what they did before to Yukie. I forgive him about it because at that time, my relationship couldn't be saved anyway. But what I don't understand is why they still keep seeing each other?

_Plus, I can't control my anger._

_I can't control my jealousy._

_Just thinking that someone other than me sees that lewd side of him is making me tremble in anger._

_And this hate I have, Akaashi is the one who keeps on receiving it._

I don't know how much I drink. I'm thinking of talking to him but I ended up getting drunk because I'm lost in my thoughts. And the next thing I know, I'm resting on his lap while we're on a cab. And Akaashi's cupping my face with his eyes filled with sadness.

_And it's hard to breathe._

_Why do you keep looking at me like that, Akaashi?_

_I should be the one who's in pain._

_I should be the one who's sad._

"I'm sorry." He whispered in tears that breaks my heart. I wiped the tears on his face.

"Akaashi... It's painful." I said finally.

It's really painful to see him cry like this because of how fucked up I am. I can't justify my wrong doings. I know that I'm in the wrong too. It's me and my pride who's making my beautiful Akaashi cry like this.

"What is?" He asked.

"Being with you... I feel like I'm being stabbed here." I pointed on my heart, "Every time I see you. It's... Suffocating." I said.

_It's really suffocating..._

_We're a mess._

_But even so._

_I still want him._

I fall asleep after telling him those words and the he woke me up when we finally arrived in our home. When he was about to leave our room after he tucked me in bed, I grab his arm to stop him. And I hugged him tight.

I don't want him to leave my side. I regret drinking a lot tonight.

"Akaashi..."

Y-yes Bokuto-san?"

"It's your fault." I murmured that made him smile weakly.

_It's your fault coz you won't even assure me that I'm the only one._

_The only one you love._

_The only one you want to be with._

_I wanted to say but I couldn't because my world keeps on spinning._

"I know. I'm sorry." He answered that saddened me.

He pulled away from my embrace and looked at me with tears on his eyes while I just stare at him. I don't know what to do. I'm getting weak because of the alcohol I drank.

"Don't worry Bokuto-san... I'll be taking this pain in your heart with me now." He said in tears while still trying to keep the smile on his lips.

"Hmm?" I wiped his tears with pain written in my eyes.

_Don't leave me, Akaashi. I love you._

I wanted to say but drowsiness is slowly taking me away.

He didn't answer me, instead he kissed me gently so I kissed him back. But Akaashi pulled away before the kiss deepens and smiled at me once more.

I don't want to sleep. I love to just stare to that beautiful smile he gave me like the first time, - a serene and sincere smile.

"Sleep tight, Bokuto-san." Akaashi whispered before I finally close my eyes coz I really couldn't stay up.

_I'm too tired._

_To feel unsecured._

_I'm too exhausted._

_To feel this hatred._

_And the only thing I'm not tired of?_

_Is loving Akaashi._

That night I dreamed about us. We're happy in that dream. And we actually have a family. We got three children that looks like me that even it's ridiculous, I couldn't help but wished that dream would come to reality.

And then I woke up. I got scared on the silence that welcomed me after I woke up. There's no trace of Akaashi somewhere in our room so I went to the living room. I feel cold sweats on my temple when I opened the door of the other room next to ours and saw nothing but a letter addressed to me, and our house key. My world crashed and my heartbeat stopped when I got to read his letter.

_If you're reading this letter then probably, I'm gone in your life now._

_I'm sorry Bokuto-san._

_For imprisoning you in this relationship._

_But before I finally say goodbye, I want you to know everything about me._

_I never thought that I'll fall in love with you, Bokuto-san. When I confessed about my sexuality, I prepared myself to be hated by you, but you didn't. And that's when I started admiring you. If it's you, I can be myself. I won't be hated. I thought that's enough for me coz you have Yukie. You already have your significant person beside you._

_I keep this love I have for you one-sidedly and to be honest, I can't contain this jealousy I have in me whenever you're with her. So, I thought about giving you up..._

_Not until Konoha offered me his help. I didn't know why but he helped me make you mine without asking for anything back. He said that he just wanted me to be happy and I guess the reason why he told you the truth about what he did, what we both did, is because he's damn tired to see me loving you one-sidedly even after all these years._

_I feel betrayed by him. Because he was the one who set up everything for me and he was the one who destroyed everything. He keeps on seeing me before coz Konoha wants me to tell you everything. I'm sorry I lied before when I meet up with him outside our home, you were not aware of our sin that time. And I was afraid that Konoha might tell you what we did so I keep meeting him when he's drunk to stop him from barging in our home._

_It's exhausting._

_To hear from him that what I feel for you was a mistake._

_That I should end my misery._

_Because you won't love me the same way I do._

_But Bokuto-san, loving you isn't a mistake. My only mistake is that I showed my love the wrong way. If only I was honest. If only I wasn't greedy._

_If I weren't me._

_Maybe..._

_We could be._

_We could be happy._

_Even being just friends._

_That's why I'm sorry._

_When I'm with you, it's both unbearable and tolerable..._

_But now. I'm tired of it._

_Loving you greedily._

_Loving you selfishly._

_Loving you one-sidedly._

_I want to rest._

_I love you._

_But I'm ending this._

_I guess it's enough._

_I'm sorry and thank you so much for the past years of staying with me._

_For staying with the person, you hated the most._

_I'm setting us free._

_I'm wishing you well Koutarou._

_Please be happy and just forget about me. Don't worry, I won't kill myself. I won't put you in misery. I love you so much and I don't want you to be unhappy because of my selfishness again._

_Thank you Koutarou._

_I'm sorry, I loved you._

_Goodbye._


	30. Melanphoria Part 3 - Chapter 29

**_Melanphoria Part III_ **

_Bokuto Koutarou’s POV_

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

_I'm here again._

_In a pitch darkness._

_Walking alone with nowhere to go._

_"Bokuto-san!"_

_A familiar voice called my name and then there's a sudden change of the place where I'm in. It's in my old school back in high school. My favorite place. The volleyball gym._

_I saw my old self spiking Akaashi's toss happily. My heartaches when I saw again Akaashi's sweet smile after I get to score._

_I just wished to see him smile at me like that again._

_And then I was pulled somewhere else. And in that dark place I saw Akaashi walking far away from me. I called his name but my voice won't come out so I tried running after him. But every step I take, he just went further and further as if I won't get to him no matter how fast I run._

_"Akaashi!" I called and this time my voice came out._

_And then he stopped._

_Akaashi looked at me with a blank look on his face._

_"Come back. Don't leave." I said but he just looked at me coldly._

_And then all of a sudden, a faceless man came from behind him. Akaashi looked at him with loving eyes and sweet smile on his lips._

_"Akaashi!"_

_I called once more but as tears fell in my eyes, Akaashi didn't look back at me at all and leave with that faceless man._

"Akaashi!" I shouted his name when I woke up from that dream and I started to cry out loud when I realized that it wasn't a dream anymore.

_Akaashi's gone._

_He left me._

_Because he couldn't take the pain anymore._

_The pain that I inflicted._

_Because of my pride..._

_My ignorance..._

_My jealousy..._

_It's my fault that he left._

_And there's no way I can justify my actions._

It's been three months since Akaashi left me. None of our friends knew where he is and his phone is out of coverage. Even Konoha who I thought he will run to, didn't know where he is. He was more surprised and worried than me that it's hard for me to confront him for deceiving me about his real relationship with Akaashi.

I tried to send messages to Akaashi even though I'm not sure if he will get to read it. Lots of messages to tell him everything.

_My feeling that I haven't told him._

_My foolishness for believing Konoha's lies._

_My regrets now that he's gone._

But none of them gets to him. As if he cut me off to his life totally. Which I knew I deserve not because I didn't love him enough.

_I loved him too much but I didn't trust him just the same._

_And no matter how many litre of tears I cry..._

_He won't come back to me at all._

_He left without a trace._

_He left leaving everything behind._

_He left because of me._

That's why I understand why his friends hates me now. When he left, I called all his friends and asked if Akaashi's with them. They were surprised when they found out that he's gone. Coz Akaashi doesn't tell his friends what's going on between us. He keeps everything to himself, and I know that it's because of me. Akaashi doesn't want me to be hated even when I truly deserve the hate.

I told them the truth when they asked me. Kenma is the first one who cussed me with an F word that he doesn't usually say that even Kuroo can't stop him from dissing me. Tsukishima on the other hand just treat me coldly after telling me that if ever Akaashi came back, he hopes that it wasn't too late for me to get him back. And that's scarier than him leaving me without a trace.

_It's scary to think Akaashi with someone else._

Just the thought of it is killing me. That's why I even tried to hire someone to find him. But until now it was hopeless.

_Akaashi hides like he doesn't want to get found by me._

I wiped my tears and get up on my bed to prepare for the day. The only thing that makes me sane is volleyball. I still function normally in court but when I'm off the court, I'm like a lifeless doll. And it worries my team mates because I keep on exhausting myself until I passed out or drink until I get to sleep because since he left, I couldn't sleep properly. And if I do, it gives me nightmares like what I had just now.

_The nightmares brought by my regrets of treating him that way._

_I regret it._

_If only I hold him tight._

_If only I talked to him._

_If only I wasn't scared._

_If only I didn't believe Konoha's words._

_Maybe we're still happy._

_And now it's too late. All was left are regrets._

_Regret of not treating Akaashi better._

_Regret of not trusting him._

_Regret of not showing him how much I love him._

_Regret of treating him like trash because of my jealousy._

_And regret of letting his hand go that night._

My heart aches. It's hard to breathe as I silently weep again while taking a shower. I lost him. I lost the person I love because of my stupidity, because of my damn pride. I guess this is my Karma for not treating him better.

_I just wished that he'll come back._

_I want to see him again._

_I want to hold him again._

_But this time..._

_I'll make sure it'll be different._

_I will love him properly._


	31. Melanphoria Part 3 - Chapter 30

**_Melanphoria Part III_ **

_Bokuto Koutarou’s POV_

**Chapter Thirty**

"You're losing weight Bo-kun. Are you still eating properly? Have some of this and stop drinking!" Atsumu said before giving me a plate of grilled meat to eat.

We're currently in our favorite pub together with some of our team mate coz it's Atsumu's birthday. It's been like six months. And in all those months that passed, I did nothing but to drink and go to practice matches. I rarely eat because I don't have an appetite. If I ate a lot, I'll just throw it up so I only eat a little. Even my coach and captain scolded me for acting like this but since I'm still functioning normally when I'm in court, they just let me do what I want.

The private detective I hired to look for Akaashi still doesn't give me any updates at all and it's pissing me off. It's been six months but I still haven't heard anything from him.

"Stop drinking Bokuto-san and eat something else. Do you want Akaashi to see you in this sorry state?" Tsukishima scolded after snatching the mug of beer from me when I didn't take even a single bite on the food, they gave me.

I smiled sadly to them.

"I'm losing hope that I'll still see him. He left as if he doesn't want to be found." I said and sighed.

"Bokuto-san I know how hard it is but you shouldn't forget that you need to be strong and healthy. Akaashi-san loves to see you in your 120% when playing volleyball right? Who knows? Maybe he's watching you from afar." Hinata said that somehow lifts my spirit up so I take a bite on the meat Atsumu gave me.

They looked at each other when I started eating and sighed as they watch me eats with tears streaming down my face. I know it's false hope but just thinking that he might be watching me somewhere gives a faint hope in my heart that one of these days, I'll meet him again.

"Let's go to my twin's store after this. He's having a party on his own, let's join them." Atsumu said after I finished eating.

I'm not close with his twin but I don't want to go home yet. I will just drown myself in loneliness if I go home still sober. I just had a mug of beer and my second mug got snatched by Tsukishima. I'm quiet on our way to Samu's store while these two couples walked in front of me making me missed Akaashi more. I tried to suppress my tears to not make them feel bad for having this fucked up person with them.

_After all, it's my fault why Akaashi left me._

_He got tired loving this twisted person._

_He got tired staying with me._

I sighed and entered the store just to be surprised when I saw a smiling Akaashi beside Osamu.

_And it breaks my heart._

_He smiled again but not for me._

_My blank gaze went to Akaashi who avoids my eyes. And it's killing me slowly._

_Look at me, Akaashi._ My mind pleads but he won't even give me a glance.

"W-why are you here?"

Tsumu asked breaking the silence between us after seeing my beloved person with his twin. I guess he doesn't know why they're together. Or the reason why Samu has a contact with Akaashi.

Even I don't know how come they're together. I knew that they got acquainted because Akaashi likes the taste of his onigiri but I never thought that I will see him here. And the answer to that was given when he placed his arm to Akaashi's shoulder.

"Why? Am I not allowed to invite my lover to my birthday?" Samu said that made us surprised.

_Who won't be?_

_When someone else claim what yours as theirs._

"Lover? Since when? As far as I remember, he's mine. He's my lover who run away from home!” I said with a pissed off look on my face.

I glared at his arms on my Akaashi's shoulder. I'm trying to keep my nerves calm as possible because I want to take back what's mine without making everything a mess. He's still Tsumu's twin and I don't want to complicate things between us. But it seems that he's testing my patience when he leaned closer to Akaashi and whispered something. I wanted to grab Akaashi away from him if not only because of Tsukishima who keep on shaking his head to not do something stupid again.

"H-hey Samu. Don't j-joke around like that. Ya know Akaashi is B-Bo-kun's-"

Akaashi stood up and smiled to us. It's heartbreaking because he didn't even deny what Samu said.

_Did you really forget about me, Akaashi?_

_Our years of being together, you already moved on for just the span of six months?_

_I know I only gave you heartaches but..._

_How can you forget me that easily?_

_I still love you, Akaashi._

Those were my thoughts while staring at his beautiful face.

"I'll go now, Samu. Happy Birthday Tsumu." He cut off Atsumu's words and tap Samu's shoulder. And without clearing anything about their relationship, he walked towards the door and leave.

I was about to follow him when Samu stopped me.

"Can you please stop disturbing my Akaashi? He's doing fine now without you." He said that made me looked back at him with rage written on my face when he gives emphasis on the word 'my'.

"What did you say? My Akaashi? When did he became yours?" I laughed in a threatening voice but it doesn't affect him at all, instead the grin on his face remained.

"H-hey Samu. S-stop this nonsense." He just looked at Tsumu blankly to shut him up and stood up on his seat while he locked his gaze on mine.

"When? I marked him as mine after he left you and choose to come with me six months ago."

I was lost for words on what he said.

_So, all this time he's with this cunning fox?_

"W-what? H-how?" Tsumu asked but his twin ignored him.

He walked towards me and without breaking our eye contact, he whispered this words that make it hard for me to breathe because of two reasons; heartache and rage.

"He chose me."

My hand curled into fist as he continued his speech.

"I filled the sadness you gave him with happiness. And now he's doing great without you. So back off. He's mine."

I couldn't contain my anger after I heard the last two words that came out from his filthy mouth so I punched him that thrown him off the ground before I followed Akaashi. I saw him about to go to the second floor of Osamu's store where his apartment is located. I saw that cunning fox handed him a key so I know that he will come here.

I grabbed Akaashi and pushed him on the concrete, imprisoning him with the wall behind him and my body that is trembling in anger after hearing that he was with that fox all these time that he's gone.

"Is it true?! You're with him in the past six months that you're gone missing?!" I asked trying not to shout even though my blood is boiling because of that cunning fox.

My heart and mind are fighting because as much as I'm annoyed knowing that he's with that bastard for six months, I missed him.

_I miss Akaashi so much that just the sight of him is making me want to cry it all out._

_My regrets._

Akaashi remained silent on my question while looking at me with perturbed expression.

_Who won't be?_

_I acted all cold before but know I'm like this._

_Who won't be?_

_When someone is claiming him as theirs._

"That bastard dared to tell me that you're his?! When did we broke up? We never did Akaashi!" I said furiously that made his brows knot.

"I left you a letter-"

"What? That piece of paper telling me that I'm free? I never approved of it Akaashi. You just left on your own! And now someone else is claiming that you're his!?"

He gasped in shock and fear when I punched the wall behind him while I angrily glared at him. The pain brought by his disappearance and knowing that he was with someone else for the past months that he’s gone is more painful than the wound in my hand made by punching that damn wall behind him.

"I'm..." Akaashi looked at me in the eye with a cold expression.

And even when I'm ready for it…It's painful to see the person you love looked at you this way.

_Is this what you felt when you're with me?_

He sighed.

"I already said in the letter what I wanted to say. If it's not clear to you, then I'll say it now. Let's break u-"

I cut off his words by kissing him. I claimed his lips, grabbing him on his nape and pulled him closer while my other hand is cupping his face, pinning him on the wall behind him with my body making it hard for him to escape.

_I don't want to hear it._

_His 'Let's break up' line._

Akaashi tried to push me away but I didn't let him. I never had this chance before, kissing him the way I really want to. I changed my way of kissing him, from being forceful to being gentle, licking his lips that got chapped from my forceful kiss earlier.

His lips taste heavenly. And I missed him so much that it makes me want to take him right here when he kissed me back.

He responded to my kisses and even put his arms on my nape, giving me more access to deepen our kiss.

_Making me want to do more._

_Making me want to show him the love I never showed before._

_Making my heart aches for him more._

"Akaashi..." I whispered his name that made him come back to his senses and pushed me away.

I gently touch his blushing face and brushed his lips with my thumb while looking at him with longing.

_I don't care how long it'll take me to make him trust me again..._

_I just want him to come back to me for now and start over._

"Let's go-"

Before I could finish my words, Osamu pulled Akaashi away from me and hide him on his back.

"He's not coming with you." Osamu declared that made my brows creased.

"Who are you to say that?" I said in irritation.

"Me? Did you forget already what I said earlier? Keiji's mine. So back off!" Osamu said.

I snapped when he called Akaashi on his first name while claiming him as his. So, I punched him on the face but this time I also got hit by his fist that angers me more. I pushed him on the ground and starts punching him when Akaashi tried to stop me that gave Osamu a chance to push me away and kick me on my stomach making me lay on the ground. Now it's his turn to get on top of me and punch me hard.

"Samu! Bokuto-san! stop it!" Akaashi shouted but the way he called this cunning fox's name angers me more.

_Samu? You're using first name basis now? When you just called me Koutarou once?!_

"Hey Samu! Stop it!" Tsumu tried to pull his twin away from me that made Samu punched him too.

"It's your damn fault you stupid fox!" Samu said in anger while punching his twin.

I get up and tapped his shoulder to punch him when he looked at me. Tsumu tried to pull me away from his twin but I punch him instead for interfering in our fight.

"Bo-kun! That hurts you, stupid owl!" Atsumu cried in anger.

And that's how the three of us started our brawl.

I didn't care if we caught people's attention. Right now, all I want is to release this frustration, this anger and this raging jealousy I have when I learned about him being together for six months.

"STOP!"

My fist paused in the air before it hits to Samu's face, while Samu stopped his hands mid-air for punching Tsumu and Tsumu stopped from punching me when I heard that shout. Our eyes went to Kita-san who looked at us coldly while beside him is Akaashi who looked like he's about to cry, together with our friends and some by-stander.

"HOW DARE YOU MAKE A SCENE HERE, YOU LOWLIFE PUNKS?!" Kita-san asked that made the two foxes stand straight with their hands on their back so I did the same.

I'm not scared. It's just my instinct telling me to do the same if I still want to live.

"Follow me you lowlife punks." He said and went back to the store that made us follow him in silence. But before I went inside, I looked back to Akaashi and gazed at him with my eyes filled with sadness.

"Akaashi..."

He just remained silent and looked away from me. But even though it hurts, I still tell him the words I wanted to say since he left.

"Akaashi come back home." I said that finally made him looked at me.

But my heart breaks bits by bits when he didn't respond and just walked past me to enter the store. Leaving me remembering the words that Tsukishima told me after telling them what I did to Akaashi.

_When you meet again, I just hope it wasn't too late for you to take him back. Because knowing Akaashi-san, once he decided something..._

_There's nothing you can do to make him change his mind._


	32. Melanphoria Part 3 - Chapter 31

**_Melanphoria Part III_ **

_Bokuto Koutarou’s POV_

**Chapter Thirty-One**

"But I'm ending it now."

My mood plummeted when I heard this next set of words after telling me he loves me. I crumbled inside. My heart literally stopped beating to those words that escaped Akaashi's lips looking at me with his dead eyes. It plunged me into despair. It feels cold. It wasn't even December and we're inside the house. Our bodies are just a few inches away from each other but I'm cold. Numbness infused my body and I could hardly move.

"I'm sorry for everything Bokuto-san. I'm sorry for what Konoha and I did to your relationship with Yukie. It's my fault that you were in pain for several years because I'm so damn selfish. I'm sorry if you have to stay with me out of pity. I'm sorry and Thank you for letting me love you for all these years. You don't have to worry any more, I won't do anything to your beloved Yukie. Coz I'm ending this love now." Akaashi looked serious and on his lips, still plastered a tired smile.

I lowered my head coz I'm out of words to say. I don't get it why he keeps on mentioning about Yukie when we're already done years ago. Yukie and I are just friends now, I'm just mad at him because of Konoha's deception but it doesn't mean that I'm still in love with her.

I admit I've been a scumbag. I hurt him deliberately. And no words can justify my action. And as much as I want to tell him my side, I couldn't. His cold, dead eyes stopped me from doing it so.

_Coz I am already aware that he has decided._

_To end his love for me._

_To unlove me._

I just remained looking at the ground until he left our home. Tears fell on its own when the door closed behind me.

_It's over._

_I can't take him back now._

_But I still want him._

I went out to follow Akaashi but pain gripped my chest when I saw him being hugged by Osamu outside while crying. An empty laugh escaped my lips with tears in my eyes as I watched him being comforted by another guy. I guess I don't really have the ability to make him happy.

_I'm always the cause of his unhappiness._

_I'm always the reason why he's in pain._

_I'm the one in fault._

I feel empty when I went inside our house. I walked towards our room and take out the ring box on my pocket that I always bring with me because I always think that we might crossed path again somewhere.

Tears keep on falling as I take a look inside the box and saw the ring that I never had a chance to give him.

His cold and tired expression earlier when he was with me flashed on my mind. How can I tell him my feelings when I see on his face that whatever I say, it won't change his decision?

Then his laughter when his with Osamu echoed in my head making it hard for me to breathe. All my hopes disintegrated when I saw how that cunning fox lifted his mood.

I lay down on my bed and closed my eyes to stop my tears but even if I do, they still keep on coming out. Nonstop. And my heart feels like they stopped functioning normally. Like it now felt the exhaustion for the past six months. I took my phone and checked all the messages I send to Akaashi since he left.

_To: My world_

_Where are you? If you read this message please call me right away. I'll pick you up wherever you are. Please Akaashi... Let's talk this out._

_Akaashi I'm sorry. Please come back. It's hard to leave without you._

_You're my world, Akaashi. You're the only one I want to be with. I'm sorry for treating you like that. It's my fault. It's because I didn't talk things with you. I jump into conclusion because of my damn pride and jealousy. I didn't trust you and believed Konoha's lies. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I regret it. I'm sorry._

_Akaashi..._

_It's been three months since you left._

_I can't sleep normally. I even had a nightmare that you're now happy with someone else._

_Akaashi...when are you coming back?_

_I miss you._

_I love you._

_I'm slowly losing hope that I can still see you. You left without wanting to be found. And it's hard to live Akaashi. I lose the will to look forward to my life now that you're gone. Volleyball is the only thing that's making me sane. When are you coming back? I will wait for you Akaashi._

_I saw someone who looks like you. I thought you were him. I wished you were him. So that I could tell you how much I love you. That I regret my stupidness. I should have treated you better. I shouldn't have believed Konoha's words. I should have trusted you. I'm sorry Akaashi. But you know what? Despite of all that I've done, one thing I didn't regret at all is loving you._

My vision blurred with tears while reading all my unread messages I sent to him. And as my throat tightened for trying not to cry out loud, I composed another message for him.

_Akaashi..._

_It's painful. When I finally see you after six months, you were with someone else. I got mad when he claimed you his. And I feel like I died when you said that you're ending your love for me. Is it really over? We can't start over?_

_Akaashi you're my life. You're my world. But since you left, I stopped looking forward to waking up again. Because I won't see again your angelic face while you're sleeping. I won't get to eat breakfast and dinner with you again. I won't hear your soft hums when you showered. And I won't hear you call my name. It's painful._

_It's excruciating._

_It's tormenting._

_It's like I've been poisoned and it's streaming to my system..._

_Slowly._

_Yet deadly._

_But it's okay. I deserve it anyway._

_When I finally see you smile again. I realize one thing..._

_Seeing you smile like that again..._

_Even if I'm not the reason..._

_Even if I'm not the one who made your lips curved sweetly..._

_I'll stay in love with you..._

_And I'll still wait for you to love me back again..._

_I'll take you back..._

_But this time..._

_I will treat you better._

_So please Akaashi..._

_Wait for me._

_This time..._

_I'll run after you._

_I'll be the one chasing you._


	33. Melanphoria Part 3 - Chapter 32

**_Melanphoria Part III_ **

_Bokuto Koutarou’s POV_

**Chapter Thirty-Two**

"It's rare for you to come here. What's up bro?" I asked Kuroo when I saw him waiting for me outside my apartment after I went for a jog. Kuroo opened a new can of beer and take a sip to it first before he answered me with his eyes looked worried about me.

"You don't really have to act tough in front of me bro. I know you're still hurting because of Akaashi." He said that made me laugh sadly.

It's been two months since I last saw Akaashi. I tried to fix myself first before I face him again. I want to be a better person when I ask him out this time. I'm just giving him time to forget all the pain I caused since he's back in Tokyo now. I just don't know where he's staying at but I heard from Tsuki that he went back to his former work place.

As for Atsumu, I learned from him that he really didn't know that his twin is the one responsible for Akaashi's disappearance but he admitted that Osamu has feelings for Akaashi even before. I guess I really focused to the wrong person. Who would've thought that there's a cunning fox aiming to what's mine even way before? And I couldn't blame them.

_Akaashi is just too beautiful._

_Especially when he smiled sweetly._

I sighed when I feel that prickling pain my chest upon remembering Akaashi's smile to Osamu.

"Yeah. It's painful but I'm planning to take him back. But this time, I'll treat him better." I said with conviction that made Kuroo's brows creased.

"What do you mean take him back?" I was a little confused on his facial expression but I still tell him what I mean.

"It's just what it means. I'm going to ask him to be mine again. I love Akaashi and there's no one I want to spend the rest of my life with, other than him." I said in a serious tone that made Kuroo looked at me weirdly.

"Bro... didn’t you know?"

My forehead furrowed on his question. "Know about what?"

Kuroo became silent for a moment, deliberating with himself if he should tell it to me or not.

"Is there something I needed to know?" I asked that made Kuroo sighed in defeat.

"He's dating Miya Osamu now. And if I'm not mistaken, they're living together since he came back here in Tokyo." Kuroo said and it make my chest tightened in pain.

I tried to deny it. There's no way he can move on like that. That he can unlove me in just the span of two months.

I let out a tensed laugh.

"It's impossible. Maybe you're just mistaken-"

Kuroo showed me a picture on Osamu's Instagram and saw a cropped picture of Akaashi full of his marks. But what made my heart stopped beating is the caption and Akaashi's reply.

_I didn’t know I could be this possessive. Finally, you’re mine. I love you my Aachi_

  * _Miya Osamu_



_Thank you for loving this sinner. I love you too Myaa-sam_

  * _Akaashi Keiji_



_You made me a sinner, but I don’t want to repent._

  * _Miya Osamu_



I put down Kuroo's phone after and just keep on drinking without saying a thing. I'm out of words to say. I'm out of emotions to feel. Most of our friends knew about it since I saw their names liking the post and their comments. And I feel betrayed somehow.

_I feel like an empty vessel._

_I guess it's really too late now to get him back._

_It's too late to make him mine again._

I couldn't take this suffocating pain I feel. All I want is to see Akaashi again so I stand up and about to leave when Kuroo tried to stop me from leaving.

"B-bro... Don't do something stupid." Kuroo said that made me smile painfully. Even my best friend is stopping me to see my Akaashi again.

_I know it's stupid..._

_But I really just want to see him again._

_To tell him the things I couldn't._

"I won't. I just want to see him. I won't do anything stupid." I said and pushed his hand away and went out of the house.

I immediately hailed a cab to Akaashi's workplace when I asked Hinata's help to ask Akaashi where he is. My heart feels heavy on my way to Akaashi's workplace. I don't even know what to say to him now that he's finally someone else's lover.

_Now that Osamu marked him._

My eyes sparkled when I saw Akaashi just came out of the building but the happiness I felt when I saw him disappeared when he looked and smiled on his left, and there I saw Osamu, a few steps away from me, waiting for him with a wide smile plastered on his lips, his eyes glimmering in happiness upon seeing the most beautiful person that I know.

I took the ring box that I always have on my pocket. Tears fell in my eyes when I heard Akaashi's sweet voice calling Osamu with endearment.

"Myaa-sam! I got free tickets to a theme park for my birthday. Do you want to go?" Akaashi asked excitedly.

I smiled bitterly while listening to their conversation. They are not even aware that I'm here as if it's just the two of them in this world.

Tears keep on streaming down my face while looking at Akaashi's beautiful smile while on the arms of someone else.

_Someone other than me._

_It's painful._

_It's suffocating._

_It's unbearable._

_I wanted to take him away from those arms but if I do, Akaashi will only hate me more._

"Sure... Everything for my Aachi." Samu said before planting a soft kiss on Akaashi's lips that the latter immediately responded lovingly.

My heart breaks into a thousand pieces when I see them kissing passionately. My grasp on the ring box I'm holding tightened as I turned my back on them and leave with my head down.

_And as tears stream down my face..._

_I walked my way back home._

_With nothing but..._

_Emptiness._

I took my phone when it rings and smiled bitterly when I saw Miya Atsumu's name flashes on the screen. Thinking if I should answer it or not, because of what I just found out.

"Bo-kun..." Atsumu sounded troubled when I finally chose to answer his call.

"What is it?" I asked coldly from the other line.

"It's about Akaashi... I just found about it three days ago and I'm not sure if I should tell it or not but-"

"I know." I sighed.

I can't get mad at them. It wasn't their fault if they hide it from me.

"Y-you k-know? H-how?" He asked that made me laughed painfully when I remembered the kiss Akaashi and Osamu shared.

"B-bo-kun you're making me worry." Atsumu said from the other line when my laughed turned into a cry.

"Seeing him happy with someone else makes me want to die, Tsumu." I cried that made Atsumu frantic on the other line.

I don't care if people looked at me crying my heart out as I walked past them. I couldn't stop it any longer...

_The pain is too much to bear._

_The pain is killing me._

_Slowly._

_And in my mind, the memory of their passionate kiss flashes like a movie clip._

_Stabbing my heart._

_Deeply._

_And..._

_Untreatably._


	34. Melanphoria Part 3 - Chapter 33

**_Melanphoria Part III_ **

_Bokuto Koutarou’s POV_

**Chapter Thirty-Three**

"Bo-kun do you want to ride the ferris wheel?" I shook my head on Atsumu's invitation and just let them enjoy on their own while I watch a certain couple from afar enjoying their early dinner.

"Bokuto, why asked to come here if you're just going to drown yourself with alcohol? We should have just gone to a pub instead of a theme park." Sakusa said angrily after he snatched the second canned of beer I'm drinking while his lover, Tsukishima just looked at me coldly.

"It's not even night time but you're drinking already. Get a grip Bokuto-san. I know it's hard to fix your broken heart, but what's done is done! If you're going to be like this, then you should have treated him better!" Tsukishima's every word feels like a sharp knife stabbing me in my chest coz everything he said is all true.

I smiled painfully when I see how happy the couple I'm staring at since earlier even with just gazing at each other. Specially him, the man I longed for. The man that I love so damn much but just like what Tsuki said, I didn’t treat him better so he left and now he’s happy with someone else.

"Just suck it up. You had your chance to not keep him but you wasted it." Tsukishima added before he drags Sakusa to where Atsumu and Hinata is. Leaving me alone with the can of beer I keep on buying since earlier while following silently Akaashi and his new man.

I opened another can of beer and drink it all in one shot. Hoping that the alcohol would make me feel numb while watching them from afar.

_While watching Akaashi have those expressions unknown to me._

He looked really happy with that fox. I never see him smile that wide in front of anyone else. And the way his eyes sparkled breaks my heart into thousand pieces. Even if I regret all the wrong things I did, it won’t make him come back to me at all. He won’t love me again just like before.

I stood up on my seat after consuming all the cans of beer I bought and followed them, leaving my friends since they’re not really aware that Akaashi and Osamu are also here now. I didn’t tell them about it, coz I know they won’t let me come between the two who looked like they really do love each other.

No words can describe how painful it is when I saw Osamu pulled my beloved Akaashi in front of the other people but doesn’t even give a damn with the way people looked at them. The proud smile on his lips, the way his eyes sparkled with happiness of holding the person I dearly love, I envy it.

_That should be me._

And as if on cue, an English song played somewhere in the theme park as if mocking me for being so stupid…for letting the only man I love go. For letting him go when I already have him.

_Everybody’s laughing in my mind_

_Rumors spreading ‘bout this other guy_

_Do you do what you did when you did with me?_

_Does he love you the way I can?_

_Did you forget all the plans that you made with me?_

_Cause baby I didn’t…_

I laughed dryly as tears starts clouding in my eyes, making them blurry while listening to their sweet nothings.

“Can you feel how fast my heartbeat?” Osamu asked Akaashi with a flushed face while nodding shyly as the chorus of the song played in the background for me to hear.

_That should be me, holdin’ your hand…_

_That should be me, makin’ you laugh…_

_That should be me, this is so sad…_

_That should be me, that should be me…_

“You’re the only one who makes it beats like that.” Osamu said to Akaashi who buried his face to the former’s chest to hide his embarrassment. And it’s too painful to see them like that. To see him, happy while in someone else’s arms.

_Me too, Akaashi. It’s only you who can make this heart of mine beat. I want you back._

I whispered in my head while watching them with tears in my eyes, I didn’t even care if people could see how messed up I am.

_That should be me, feelin’ your kiss..._

_That should be me buyin’ you gifts…_

_This is so wrong, I can’t go on…_

_‘Til you believe that, that should be me…_

“Happy Birthday, Aachi-chan. I love you.” I heard Osamu said to Akaashi and planting a soft kiss on my beloved’s forehead before pulled away from hugging him.

It’s heartbreaking.

To see the person you loved, gets their heart swayed by someone else other than you. But it’s more heartbreaking to hear how they felt for the other person.

“Thank you, Myaa-sam. For making this day special. I love you too.” Akaashi utter in a low voice before they start to walk again away from that place.

I sensed it. The sincerity on Akaashi’s three words. It’s real. More real than when he told me those words for the last time. I could feel his feelings. I could see it on his eyes.

_I need to know, should I fight for love or disarm?_

_It's getting harder to shield this pain in my heart…_

I smiled bitterly to the song while following them silently. I guess I’m really stupid for still wanting to fight for this love of mine. I still want to take this one last chance to tell him the words I couldn’t tell him.

_That should be me, holdin' your hand_

_That should be me, makin' you laugh_

_That should be me, this is so sad_

_That should be me_

_That should be me_

_That should be me, feelin' your kiss_

_That should be me, buyin' you gifts_

_This is so wrong…_

_I can't go on_

_'Til you believe that_

_That should be me…_

And as the song ended…

I walked to him when Osamu left him for a moment, with only one thing in mind...

To tell him what I feel.

“Akaashi…” I called out his name, and he has a surprised look on his face when he saw me standing in front of him with tears in my eyes. I know I looked like a mess but who cares about my appearance?

_I just want him to know what I feel._

“B-bokuto-san?” Akaashi stood up when he saw me.

“Akaashi let’s talk…” I begged but Akaashi just looked around first with a worried look on his face, as if he doesn’t want Osamu to see him with me. And I envy Osamu for that.

_Because he’s being too loved by him to the point that Akaashi doesn’t want him to get hurt by seeing with me._

“I-I’m with Myaa-sa-…Osamu right now, Bokuto-san. I’m sorry. I don’t want him to overthink things if he saw us talking here. I-I’m sorry.” Akaashi said in panic and it’s envious because he never did that for me when we’re still together.

_Do you love him more than you did to me?_

“Akaashi I regret it. I regret letting you go. I regret treating you like that, for treating you like trash even though I-”

_Never should've let you go_

_I never should've let you go_

_That should be me_

“Stop it Bokuto-san.” Akaashi cut off my words in a sad tone looking at me sadly. Tears welled from deep inside my eyes and coursed down my cheeks like a river escaping a damn.

_I just want you to know what I feel, Akaashi…_

The light on the carousel shines so brightly and reflected on his face as he looked at me, pity written on his eyes. It’s all pity and there’s no any hint of affection on it. That’s when I knew that he’s gone.

_The Akaashi who loves me is gone forever._

But still, I can’t give up just like that.

“Akaashi I’m sorry… Please-”

“I’m sorry Bokuto-san. I don’t want Samu to feel insecure again. Our story already ended, Bokuto-san. I…I moved on.” He said when he cuts me off once again and tried to leave so I stopped him.

I stopped him by grabbing his hand and hugged him as tears flows freely in my eyes, as my heart beats normally again after feeling his warmth.

“Bokuto-san I already have-”

This time I cut him off. I don’t want to hear from him the thing that I already know. Not from those lips of him.

"I feel like I'm dying without you Akaashi... I regret all the things I did to you. I regret believing Konoha more than you. I should’ve trusted you more. I never should have let you go. I never should have treated you that way. I’m sorry, Akaashi. I’m so sorry." I cried in pain when I finally told him most of the things, I wanted to tell that made him stopped pushing me away.

I kneeled in front of him while holding his hand tightly, afraid that if I let him go, he will run to where Osamu is. I don’t mind what the other people thinks while watching us. All I care is Akaashi’s response.

“Take me back, Akaashi…please. I’m begging you. I’ll die without you. You’re my world…and my life. I don’t care if you stay because of pity. I just want you back. I love you, Akaashi.” Finally, I told him those three words that I’ve been keeping to myself for so long.

_Never should've let you go_

_I never should've let you go_

_That should be me…_

And as the song finally ends, Akaashi’s expression softened. But it wasn’t for me. Because when I looked up to him, he’s looking at someone else, - a sad and helpless gaze. As if he wanted to be taken away by that person.

And that person is, Miya Osamu. That is now, watching us from a distance with our friends behind him with a displeased expression on their face. Osamu just looked at us sadly as if he already accepted his defeat after I finally said those words to Akaashi.

And I feel defeated when tears fell on Akaashi’s eyes before he looked back at me. The me who is pitifully crying on my knees while begging for the person I wasted. But I know that those tears are not for me. It’s for the man who finally captured my beloved’s heart that looked so hurt seeing us together.

And that’s when it finally and totally sinks in to me…

The thing that I’ve been trying to deny…

_Akaashi doesn’t love me anymore._


	35. Melanphoria Part 3 - Chapter 34

**_Melanphoria Part III_ **

_Bokuto Koutarou’s POV_

**Chapter Thirty-Four**

“Have you both calm down already?” Tsukishima asked both Akaashi and me after we washed our face in the nearest comfort room that they dragged us to, after I make a scene earlier.

“Atsumu can’t contact Osamu. Suna said that he lost Samu in the crowd somewhere. Why don’t you try calling him, Akaashi?” Omi-kun informed us that made me feel guilty when I saw the sadness on Akaashi’s eyes while a fake smile plastered on his lips.

“Don’t worry. He will come back.” Akaashi said that made me smiled bitterly on how he trusts that fox.

_If only I was like him…_

_If only I trusted him like this…_

I sighed and asked Tsuki and Omi-kun to leave us for a moment. Tsuki hesitated for a moment to leave Akaashi with me, which I truly understand, but he let us be when Akaashi is the one who asked Tsuki to go. We both sat silently at the bench in front of the carousel that we made a scene to, and stayed like that as if we’re both waiting to who’s going to talk first.

“I’m sorry.” I broke the deafening silence first and looked at Akaashi who’s just staring at the bright carousel so I continue telling him what’s all in my heart for the last time.

Yes, for the last time.

“I know that nothing would change even if I tell you that I regret everything that I did. I already know now that I can’t take you back. The way you looked at him, says it. The way you say those words to him. It was so different when you last told me those three words. I envy him because I could see in your actions how you assure him that he’s the only one for you. And your smile…” My voice cracked when I tried to suppress my tears upon remembering his smile that I longed for since we started dating.

“The smile you gave him is the kind of smile I wanted you to give me since we started dating. The smile that I took away from you because of my destructive feeling. I regret treating you that way. I’m sorry. I should’ve trusted you and not Konoha’s lies. I should’ve believed it when you told me that you love me. I should have said how much I love you instead.” I said in tears that made Akaashi’s tears fell again on those gunmetal blue eyes of his that made me laugh wryly.

“I always make you cry. I’m sorry. But this will be the last time you’ll cry because of me.” I said in a voice that sounds like a sad song that about to end.

Akaashi looked at me and smiled sadly.

“You don’t have to say sorry, Bokuto-san. We’re both wrong. We both didn’t show our love properly. We started our relationship in a wrong way.” Akaashi said while looking at me in the eye with those sad eyes of his.

“When I decided to set you free, I admit that it’s hard to unlove you, Bokuto-san. I get nightmares every night chasing you in my dream. And Samu was the one who stopped me from chasing you by just being by my side. It’s really hard. If you stopped me from leaving the last time we talked, I probably stayed. So, when you didn’t, that’s when I start to unlove you… slowly… It’s hard. but you know what’s harder? It’s to love you again.” Akaashi said while looking at me with guilt written on those lonely eyes of his while tears keep on falling on those beautiful eyes of his.

I looked away because I don’t want him to see me hurting. I don’t want to give him any reason to feel guilty for unloving me. I don’t want to burden him with my unresolved feelings.

_I deserve this pain._

I sighed and tried to smile at him after getting a hold of myself.

“I know and it’s alright.” I said praising myself for not cracking up because of the tears that welled up in my eyes. I stood up and pulled him up while I tried to be tough. I only have a few more words to say.

_My farewell words._

“Can I get a hug?” I asked with a forced smile plastered on my lips. Akaashi smiled sadly and hugged me tight. And for the last time, I tried to remember his warmth. The way his heart beats while hugging me. It makes me want to cry and begged him to love me again but I stop myself from doing it.

_Akaashi deserves to be happy._ My heart whispered as it slowly dies for finally letting go the only person that made it keep on beating.

“It took me this long to tell you this but, I really love you, Akaashi. Please be happy. I know it’s too much to ask but…” I pushed him away trying to stop the tears from falling in my eyes.

“Will you please…forget me not?”

I looked up a bit to suppress my tears and laughed wryly while wiping the tears that escaped my eyes after asking that. Akaashi smiled sweetly at me for the first time. As sweet as the first time.

“Half of my life, I spend it with you. Of course, I will Bokuto-san.” He said with a smile that somehow… lessens the pain I feel.

“Thank you, Akaashi. I’m sorry and…” I gently cupped his face and smiled sincerely before I say my final words.

“I’m setting you free.” I said before planting a soft kiss on his forehead and leave that place without looking back at him.

And even there’s a smile plastered on my lips, tears raced down my cheeks after I finally bid goodbye to my one true pair.

_Goodbye… My world._ I whispered in my head.

And in every step I take, I recalled all the happy memories we have. From the moment I first saw that beautiful smile of his, until that I finally see him smile finally for me.

And so, I smiled… A peaceful one.

_Smile more even it’s not for me, Akaashi._

I stopped from walking and looked back to where I came from and smiled sadly when I saw him still sitting at the bench, waiting for the man he now loves so dearly.

_Maybe…_

_Just maybe in another universe…_

I sighed and take a one last look to the ring that I never had the chance to give him, before I finally had the courage to throw away the ring at the nearby pond and left that place while in my mind is carved, Akaashi’s beautiful smile while saying the words that I wished for.

“You’re smiling just for me.” _  
_


	36. Melanphoria Part 4 - Chapter 35

**_Melanphoria Part IV_ **

_Akaashi Keiji’s POV_

**Chapter Thirty-Five**

I couldn’t stop myself from crying as I watched Bokuto-san from leaving while in my head, all I wish is for him to find his own happiness. I wished for him to stop hating himself for what happened to us. And I wished for him to forget all our painful memories and he will just be left with happy memories.

I looked up to the dark and starry sky after crying it all out while I think of Bokuto-san.

_He was my melancholy._

A sweet smile plastered on my lips when I remembered Osamu.

_He is my euphoria._

Tsukishima sat beside me when Bokuto-san finally left. He looked at me with a worried look on his face but I smiled at him with assurance that I am truly fine now. I bet he’s wondering what Bokuto-san and I talked about.

“He said sorry and told me that he regrets treating me that way. He also said that he loves me.” I said to Tsuki that made him expressed a sour face.

“And?”

I sighed and feel the gentle cold wind that brought by December night while recalling the things Bokuto-san and I talked about.

“He said that he’s setting me free.” I smiled at Tsuki who has a wondering look on his face when he saw me smile.

“Are you really over him? I know you’re dating Osamu-san now but…you’ve been in love with him for such a long time.” Tsuki said that made my smile wider when he mentioned Osamu.

“I’ve been living a melanphoric love when I was with Bokuto-san. He gave me melancholy but at the same time he was also the reason of my euphoria. But then the longer I stayed with him, I feel more sadness than happiness. And then Osamu came into my life. He became my euphoria in the midst of my melancholia.” I stopped for a bit and take a deep breath to control the tears that wants to escape my eyes before I continue.

“Heaven and hell. Extreme pain and outmost happiness. Melancholy and Euphoria…or simply Melanphoria. It’s what Bokuto-san gave me. But with Osamu… I realized that, even though I feel that same exact feeling for him, there’s a big difference. Osamu is the cause of my melanphoria.” I sighed and looked at Tsuki who seems to understand what I’m trying to say but I still continue, because I want to voice it out.

My feelings.

“I’m in pain because he’s in pain. I’m happy because he’s happy. And I believe, that’s what real Melanphoria means. It is a love disease that is caused of loving a person wholeheartedly.” I said with a sweet and sincere smile on my lips while a teardrop is racing on my cheek.

Tsuki sighed.

“What’s your plan now? Seeing how dejected Osamu-san when he left earlier, I don’t know what’s going on his mind now.”

I laughed sadly.

“I don’t know, Tsuki. When I saw his expression earlier, I couldn’t help but cry. He looked like he’s ready if ever I changed my mind and get back with Bokuto-san. I don’t know how I will assure him that he is the one I love now.”

Tsuki remained silent so did I. We just both keep on sighing every now and then until our friends came back with a dejected look on their faces.

“He said he’s home.” Atsumu said but even though there’s a hint of irritation on his voice, his eyes expressed worry for his twin.

“He said he will come back here, but I guess he’s not.” I said sadly that made Atsumu looked sorry for what his twin did but I just smiled at him.

“I’m sorry, Tsumu…for making your twin feel unsecured.” I said that made him shook his head.

“It’s not your fault. It’s not Bo-kun’s fault. If there’s one who I wanted to blame for him to feel like that, it’s your former teammate, Konoha. If he didn’t go to Samu’s store and stir him up, I don’t think that he will be affected that much if he saw you and Bo-kun today.” He said with despise that made me confused.

“Why? What did he do?” Atsumu looked surprise on my reaction.

“Samu didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

Atsumu sighed and called his twin, stupid. “I did not hear everything but when I went to his store, Konoha was there telling Samu that he should just give you up because there’s no way that you’re in love with him. He said that Samu is just your temporary happiness and that Bo-kun will always be your world.”

I feel my blood boiling in anger because of what I heard. I don’t know why Konoha keeps on ruining my relationship but whatever his reason is, I won’t forgive him this time.

“Let us take you home. For sure he’s waiting for you. We’ll drop you off.” Tsukishima offered that I gladly accept.

And on our way home, I am filled with anxiety because of what Samu would say. I feel guilty of course, because I didn’t run after him earlier. But I didn’t regret talking to Bokuto-san for the last time because finally, I can truly start over.

_I can love Osamu better._

That’s why I want us to have a serious talk. I want him to tell me the things that he and Konoha talked about that made him have those expression when he saw Bokuto-san and I earlier. And also, I want to tell him what I feel.

_That he’s the only one I love now…_

_That I’m completely over with Bokuto-san…_

_That he’s the one I want to spend the rest of my life with…_

_That he is now…_

_The brightest star…_

_In my new world._


	37. Melanphoria Part 4 - Chapter 36

* * *

**_Melanphoria Part IV_ **

_Akaashi Keiji’s POV_

**_Chapter Thirty-Six_ **

When Osamu went out of our room, I sighed in frustration. He just said what he wanted to say but when I asked him to make love with me, he just left! I guess my efforts to make him see that he’s the only one for me is still not enough.

My face blushed in embarrassment after remembering the words I used when I asked him to make love with me. I buried my face on his pillow and shout in frustration and embarrassment.

_That cunning fox dared to leave me when it takes me a lot of courage to tell him those cringe line? I’ll make you pay for this!_

I whispered in my head before I stand up and took out the ring that he gave me earlier and put it on my ring finger.

“You, dummy. Of course, I will marry you.” I whispered to myself with a smile on my lips while staring at the ring in my hand. It fits perfectly as if it’s really meant for me.

A soft sigh escaped my lips as I leave the room to follow him outside. I can hear his soft sobs downstairs and it breaks my heart seeing him like that. I know that I have to do something so he won’t be in pain but, I need to do something first to the one who caused him to be like that. If there’s someone that I should cut off in my life, it’s not Bokuto-san. Because just like Osamu, he’s also a victim of Konoha’s lies.

I get my phone and called Atsumu. He answered immediately maybe because he is worried too about his twin.

“What happened?” Atsumu asked agitatedly from the other line so I told him to calm down.

“He said that he’ll go there but I’m worried of him if he drives at this state to your house, can you pick him up? And let him stay there for tonight while I deal with the cause of this mess?” I asked him that he agreed right away.

“I’m nearby actually. I’ll go there right away.” Atsumu said that calmed me a little bit while taking a peek from the window to check if Samu is still outside.

“Thanks, Tsumu. Just give me a day or two, I’ll pick him up once everything is okay. For now, let him suffer for leaving me alone earlier. It’s my birthday and he dared to leave me behind. He even declined my advances! Your twin is such a jerk!” I exclaimed in annoyance that made Atsumu laughed from the other line that somehow made me at ease.

“I’m glad that you truly love my twin. Even I, thought that maybe Samu is just your temporary happiness because he gave you haven when you’re in pain, when you were suffering. And I’m glad that I’m wrong. Thank you, Akaashi. For loving back, my stupid twin.” Atsumu said that made me tear up.

I shook my head even though he couldn’t see me. “No, thank you. For letting me love your stupid twin.” I said that made him laugh from the other line.

Atsumu sighed. “But to be honest, although I’m happy for my twin, I couldn’t help but feel guilty for my friend.”

I sighed.

“Don’t be. Bokuto-san and I’s relationship didn’t work out because we both love each other in a wrong way. And besides, it wasn’t Osamu’s fault. If there’s one who should be blamed to this, it’s Konoha. He deceived not only me but everyone that is involved with me that’s why, I’m asking you to take care of Samu for today or just until I’m done dealing with Konoha. It’s also his punishment for not believing how much I love him.” I said with annoyance in my voice.

“Okay, I understand. But will you be fine?” He asked worriedly that make me smile while looking at the ring in my finger.

“I will be fine. After all, I have a charm that protects me.” I said talking about the fox ring that Samu gave me.

Atsumu didn’t ask further and said goodbye after telling me that he’s already outside to pick his messed-up twin. I just watched them bickering outside before they both left. Samu didn’t look back at all and I totally understand him because we both know that if he did, it will be hard for him to leave. Specially if he saw me watching him leave.

I know how much he loves and care for me that’s why I have to postpone my answer for him even though I’ve been wanting to answer him right away after he made me choose between him and Bokuto-san earlier. I just hold back because if I don’t cut off things with Konoha first, he will just keep on doubting my feelings.

_He will keep on thinking that he’s my temporary happiness…_

I took my old phone and opened it just to be surprised when I saw a lot of messages particularly to Bokuto-san. I smiled sadly when I saw his messages. I didn’t reply to it because I know that he will only get hurt no matter what I say. And what we talked about earlier is the final end of our story.

I was about to check all the other messages when my phone rings and Konoha’s name flashes on the screen. I immediately answer it.

“Akaashi…” He sounded drunk just like before whenever he goes to Bokuto-san and I’s place.

“Konoha, where are you?” I asked coldly.

“It’s been a while… I missed you, Akaashi.” He said instead without answering my question. I could hear the noise from the background and I’m sure that he’s in a pub.

I sighed. It’s no use to talk to him when he’s already drunk.

“Let’s meet tomorrow, after work.” I said but he cut me off by saying that he will be going out of the country tomorrow so he asked me to meet him tonight.

After receiving his text for the address of the pub he’s in, I changed clothes and went to where Konoha is.

To where the man who started all this mess.


	38. Melanphoria Part 4 - Chapter 37

**_Melanphoria Part IV_ **

_Konoha Akinori’s POV_

**_Chapter Thirty-Seven_ **

“I fell in love with you at first sight.” I finally admitted after years of hiding it to myself. After years of just watching over him, ruining everything for him just to make him mine.

Akaashi Keiji. The recipient of this selfish love, just stared at me blankly. And I feel so pathetic. Because his expression didn’t change even after telling him those words that he craved to hear from Bokuto-san. It didn’t faze him at all. My words. When he was so ecstatic when he heard it from that former Inarizaki wing spiker.

_What made my words different from them?_ I asked myself but couldn’t voice it out.

“Before Bokuto had feelings for you, I’ve been loving you all along.” I said and drink on the mug of beer I’m holding. I don’t know how many glasses I’ve drink so far. But even so, I don’t feel drunk at all. It seems that, no alcohol could make me drunk now that I’m confessing all the wrong doings I did just to get the person I love.

“Then why didn’t you tell it to me instead of making me be with Bokuto-san?” Akaashi asked with his still cold gaze.

I smiled bitterly. “Why? Will you love me just because I confess to you? I could see in your eyes that no matter what I do, not unless he hated you, there’s no way that you will look in my way.”

“Is that why you helped me to be with Bokuto-san? You want me to give him up on my own?” Akaashi asked furiously.

“It’s what I planned to do. To make you give up on him. But then I realized that he’s in love with you too. So, I lied to him when I told him about what I did to his relationship with Yukie. I told him that we’re sleeping together in exchange of me helping you to be with him. I know how dumb and coward he is, that’s why there’s no way that he will ask you about it. But I didn’t expect him to keep you. And I didn’t expect you to stay with him even after all the things he’s doing to you.” I admitted that made Akaashi looked at me blankly.

I feel tired and defeated when I saw his expression. It’s as if he’s telling me that I meant nothing to him. That he couldn’t even gave me even just a little bit of hatred.

“I’m sorry, Akaashi. I just love you too much.” I said sadly but it seems that my feelings won’t reach to him no matter how loud my voice is.

“Your love is so selfish. That is not love, Konoha. That is just your pride disguising itself as love. Because if you really do love me, you won’t be that evil. You won’t put me in hell just to make me yours. It’s a good thing that I didn’t run to you.” Akaashi said in a voice that is as cold as December.

No words escaped my lips because it’s true. The way I showed him my love is wrong. All the things that I did just to make him come to me and where it all started flashes in my head bit by bit.

_I fell in love with him at first sight._

_He has the most beautiful set of blue eyes that I’ve ever seen in my life. And those pale lips that flashes the sweetest smile makes me out of breath. I also want to ruffle those messy hair of his that seems fluffy when you touch it._

_At that moment._

_What I have in mind is that…_

_I shall have him._

_I befriend him, with a plan of making him fall for me in mind._

_But everything changed when I saw those pair of blue eyes gaze lovingly to Bokuto._

_At first, I tried to deny what my instinct is telling me. Not until he flashes those sweet smiles whenever we talked about Bokuto._

_I feel devastated._

_I am overwhelmed with jealousy…_

_And I got scared._

_Because I know Bokuto is also falling for him. I could see on his eyes that he’s falling slowly yet deeply with Akaashi._

_And that’s how this hateful feeling called jealousy took control over me._

_I helped Akaashi to get together with Bokuto but little did he know that I planned to ruin them. I know Bokuto is jealous over me. That’s why even when they got together, I still ask Akaashi to hang out with me. And because Akaashi sees me as his ally, he always let his guard down with me. He always tells me what’s going on with them._

_That’s why I know that Bokuto never once admitted his feelings to Akaashi. And that’s how everything works perfectly for me. What I just didn’t prepare myself is the fact that they might end up living together._

_I got scared once again. Because it just made Akaashi to stay with him._

_That’s when I made a move. I pressured Akaashi to admit what we did to Bokuto and Yukie’s relationship. I lied to Akaashi that I’m feeling guilty for what I did. I always go to their home acting drunk trying to barge on their house. But he didn’t know that Bokuto could see us that made that stupid owl bring a girl on their home._

_I regret it. Because I didn’t know that it will lead Akaashi to hurt himself. That’s why I stopped coming to their home in late hours and thought of another way to break them up. But then Akaashi went to me and asked to have a drink with him after they had a fight that lead to him to hurt himself._

_I couldn’t suppress my feelings that night and end up making a pass at him when he’s drunk. I brought him to a hotel and tried to make love with him but when he called Bokuto’s name, I totally went soft. I cried that night because even on his sleep, even when it’s me that’s with him, he still sees Bokuto. So, I put a mark on him and send him home._

_I remembered how many punches I got from that stupid owl when he saw the hickey that I put to a drunk Akaashi. He told me to stay away from Akaashi and that’s when I started blabbering lies to him._

_I told him that in exchange of helping Akaashi, we always have sex whenever I want to. And that’s how their relationship changed drastically. And it became more complicated when Yukie came back. But because of that too, Akaashi got mad at me._

_I was deeply hurt. When he starts to ignore me. I just want him to be mine. But why can’t he see that Bokuto isn’t the one for him?_

_I tried to keep on pursuing him specially when I saw how his health gets affected on their relationship. But he just pushed me aside and told me that whatever my reason is, he doesn’t give a damn of it all. I was hurt but you know what’s more painful? It’s when I heard that he left._

_He left Bokuto._

_But he run away with someone else._

_He run away from Eden not with me._

_I tried to sabotage Bokuto’s plan to see Akaashi again. I paid the investigator he hired twice as much as he paid and asked him not to report anything about Akaashi and instead, report to me. That’s when I learned that Akaashi left with Osamu Miya._

_Osamu Miya, the other guy who loves Akaashi silently._

_I got mad._

_Who won’t be? When all the things I worked hard for just to get Akaashi, he was the one who claimed it._

_He got Akaashi easily._

_Without getting his hands dirty._

_That’s why this time, I tried to ruin them._

_I went to his place when Akaashi’s not around._

_“Break up with him if you don’t want to get hurt further more.” I said to him without blinking an eye._

_Osamu Miya just looked at me blankly as if what I’m saying is impossible. He’s just like Bokuto when it comes to giving up Akaashi, it’s hard for them to budge. So, I stir him up._

_“You’ll just get yourself hurt. Do you think Akaashi totally gets over with Bokuto? He loves that owl for so long and knowing that owl, he will soon make a move to make Akaashi his again. Do you know what is Akaashi’s weakness?” I asked that made him silent so I continue._

_“Akaashi’s weakness is Bokuto’s tears. If that owl cried asking Akaashi to get back with him, telling him that he can’t live without Akaashi, for sure…it will make Akaashi soft. He will hesitate to push that owl away. So, if I were you, end your illusion because you…”_

_I grinned mockingly. “You are just Akaashi’s temporary happiness. And Bokuto? Bokuto will always be Akaashi’s world. Then and now, it will always be him.” I said before I left._

_I really thought that if I break them up…Akaashi will come to me._

_But they didn’t break up._

_And Akaashi come to me…_

_He came to me but neither love or hate could be seen in those blue eyes of his that I loved the most._

_It’s nothingness._

_Just like how I am to him._

_I am nothing._


	39. Melanphoria Part 4 - Chapter 38

**_Melanphoria Part IV_ **

_Konoha Akinori’s POV_

****

**_Chapter Thirty-Eight_ **

_There is a pain that even time can’t take._

_A kind of pain that even smile can’t fake._

_And there is only a certain person that could make you feel that excruciating pain and utmost happiness both at the same time._

_The person who has the power to wound you deeper to the bones,_

_That could scar you forever._

_And no other person could bring you,_

_Those exact feeling, at the right moment._

_Those exact happiness and pain, at the same time._

_And that person, is the one you have truly entrusted your heart._

_Selflessly. Devotedly. Endlessly._

“Do you believe in reincarnation?” I asked Akaashi that totally ends the deafening silence between us since we left the pub that we were in. He glanced at me but immediately took it back when our eyes met and like nothing happened, he just continued walking.

I tried not to get affected on his reaction, but I failed. I failed to oppose my heart from skipping a beat. I failed to stop my lips from smiling. And on top of it all, I failed to secure my heart that just keeps on falling for him.

I couldn’t take away the smile from my lips. I’m too weak when it come to him. Just because he looked at me, just because our eyes met for a second, I melted. He made the block of ice that is covering my heart for the past years that I’ve been loving him one-sidedly is slowly melting. It was replaced by a temporary happiness.

Yes, temporary.

Because I know that any minute now, it will be taken away from me. Any minute now, I will be engulfed by sadness.

Sadness that is brought by the painful truth.

“No. Why?” Akaashi asked in a voice that is as cold as the breeze brought by the night of December that cut off my mind from wandering somewhere else.

I’m just thankful that he’s walking ahead of me so he won’t hear the deep sigh that escaped my lips because of the bland question he asked.

“Nothing. It just feels sad to know that you don’t really believe to the things that I believe in.” _Just like to what I believed that you will love me just the same._

I said and just keep the last set of words to myself, while still trying to hope that he will stop and look back at me but I failed because he just continued on walking further away from me as if he didn’t hear a thing.

“I guess it’s really true that our world won’t ever meet.” It’s too late to hide what seemed like to be a sad song, that escaped my lips. And even my whole body is in tune with the negative emotions that are totally and slowly swallowing me.

Again, I felt miserable while I tried to suppress the tears that is starting to welled up in my eyes. I took a deep breath before I had the courage to stop from walking. From following him. We’re in the middle of our destination that would totally end our relationship. I think that the time I spent to this illusion of mine that he will love me, that he will come to me, that he will choose me, is enough. I think it is the right time to face the truth that he will never love me like how I love him. That he will never choose me. And just like a story and a song that ends painfully or happily, ours too… It also has to end.

Akaashi stopped from walking and faced me that I’ve been wishing for since earlier. Because since I told him all my sins, he never looked at me again. I even ready myself to face his wrath but all he just gave me is a blank stare.

He sighed and looked at me coldly.

“Why? Just why do you have to believe in absurd things? Why? Do you think that if I do, in our next life our places will change? That in our next life I will be the one who will do the same thing you did to me? Is that it? You know what? I won’t! Even in our next life I won’t do such thing just to make the person I love come to me.” He said without even an ounce of hatred to his voice, as if even being his most hated person, he won’t give that title to me.

“No-”

“Stop it, Konoha!” He cut me off as if for him, nothing that comes in my mouth will make sense for him.

“Even in our next life, I won’t love you. I won’t come to you.” Akaashi slapped me with the truth.

The truth that he whatever I do, he won’t look my way.

The truth that I never ever get even into the door of his heart.

The truth that totally crushed my already broken heart, when I found out that he run away to someone else when he left Bokuto.

The truth that I need to wake up from my long and deep slumber.

The truth that our chapter has ended, even though it has never started.

I laughed bitterly before I looked at him sadly. “I don’t want you to run after me even in our next life Akaashi. I just want you to see me. The me who loves you so deeply and selfishly. Just like what you feel back then for Bokuto.”

His cold expression softens a little but his words aren’t. “You will just hurt yourself if you keep on doing it. So, please stop it already. I can’t love you, Konoha. I only see you as a friend so please just forget me. And please, stop bothering me.” He said before he left without even letting me tell him the things that I still wanted to tell him.

I remained standing on my feet and just watched him leave. Tears dropped in my eyes one by one as I watched him slowly walking further away from me without even looking back at me. I couldn’t even move to run after him because I know that whatever I say, it won’t get through him. I won’t make him look at my way.

“Akaashi Keiji…” I whispered his name in the air before crossing the road with the only thing on my mind was the few memories we had together.

Following by a loud crash and my body being thrown off in the ground, was blood flowing from my body. And as I continued to stare at Akaashi's back that is now hard to be seen from where I am…

A sad smile cracked my lips, and in my mind, over and over again, I keep on shouting the set of words that I had never been able to say to him until my eyesight went completely dark.

_I’m sorry, I loved you._


	40. Melanphoria Part 4 - Chapter 39

**_Melanphoria Part IV_ **

_Osamu Miya’s POV_

**_Chapter Thirty-Nine_ **

It’s just been a day. Just a fuckin day, but it feels like an eternity since I left our home. I’ve been agitated all day because Akaashi never once messaged or call me. It’s understandable because I gave him time to think about it but…

_Fuck! Why did I even tell him to think about it? I should’ve just convinced him to stay! Fuck! Stupid Osamu! You’re so damn stu-_

“Stupid.” Atsumu finished what’s running on my mind for me. He looked at me with a mocking expression as if telling me how stupid I am for letting the one and only chance I had to slip just like that.

“Fuck you!” I said angrily that made him grimaced with my choice of words to insult him back.

“Gross! That’s incest dude! And even if you’re not my twin, I would never fuck you! Eww!” He said that annoyed the shit hell out of me.

Hinata laughed to our usual bickering that made me wander how he can live with this annoying twin of mine. I scowled when Atsumu went and sit beside Hinata who’s currently reading a manga, hugged him lovingly as if he’s making me regret what I said to Akaashi last night.

I went to the guest room in my annoyance to their display of affection and wallowed myself to self pity and regret. I tried to erase in mind what his old teammate told me before but the way Akaashi acts last night, I could feel that he won’t choose me. It’s already dark but I never heard anything from him. I didn’t contact him too because I’m afraid that he’s just waiting for me to call or message him first before he tells me his decision.

The anxiety is killing me but whatever his decision is, I know that I will just only accept it. Just like what I told Tsumu last night when he asked my why I made Akaashi decide.

“Hey stupid! would you mind buying a beer at the convenience store?” Atsumu asked that made me stop torturing myself for overthinking things on what would happen to my relationship with Akaashi.

“Damn you! I’m not your servant!” I exclaimed in annoyance but still stand up from laying on my bed to get my jacket and my wallet to buy a drink. Afterall, I also want a drink myself.

“Hey Samu!” Atsumu stopped me when I’m about to go. He has a serious look on his face that somehow annoys me because he rarely acts like this. And I don’t like it because whatever that will come out to that filthy mouth of his will break or make me.

“What?” I scowled.

He smiled and brushed my hair like an older brother. “Even you’re annoying as hell, I want you to know that I’m rooting for your happiness.” He said before he went back to Hinata’s side as if nothing happened.

I chuckled and went out of their home feeling a little bit happy. It somehow lessened my worries. And his words of encouragement almost made me tear up. It’s so unlike him. When he saw me with Akaashi, he accused me as someone who’s taking someone else’s lover but now, he’s rooting for me. And even though I’m still anxious, somehow those words of his, makes me feel a little bit braver.

Braver to face what will be Akaashi’s decision.

Because I know that I still have him and our friends. Afterall, what I want is for Akaashi to be happy. That didn’t change. I still want him to have that sweet and genuine smile, plastered on those pale, thin lips of his.

I sighed and looked up from staring at the ground that I’m walking just to be surprised when I saw a gorgeous, sweet and sincere smile plastered on those pale thin lips. From a man waiting under the street lamp while holding a grocery bag on his arms.

“You took your time coming here. Don’t you want to hear my answer?” He asked with a flushed face. I stoned on my feet.

_Dear God, I know I said that I will be braver to accept his decision but I never said that I’m ready to hear it right away._

I prayed in mind that made Akaashi laughed hiding his mouth with his hands. And that sight is so damn mesmerizing for me. Specially with that fox ring on his finger. It really suits him perfectly-

_Wait! What?_

Akaashi walked to me and stopped just a step away from me with a sweet smile on his lips. I just stand in front of him with a dumb expression. I couldn’t believe that he’s wearing the ring I gave him.

“I’m over him.”

Three words.

It’s just three words.

But it’s enough to make all my anxieties disappear.

“I pick you.” Akaashi continued.

Three words, eight letters.

And it’s enough to totally relieved me from the pain that his former teammate inflicted to me.

“But I know words better than that. Afterall, four-words is better than three.” He said before wiping the tears that I didn’t know that I shed.

“You’re my new world.” Akaashi whispered while looking at me with so much love and sincerity.

“You’re my true melanphoria.” He said before putting down what the grocery bag he’s holding and hug me tight.

“I will marry you.” Akaashi whispered in my ear.

And that’s the end of me.

_The end of Osamu Miya’s misery._

_The end of my anxiety._

_Because finally…_

_I can finally…_

_Keep Akaashi, properly._

\--

The moon is shining brightly even inside our room. Akaashi is just patiently laying naked on our bed, while waiting for me as I take off all my clothes and joined him in bed.

It’s cold. The night of December is so damn cold but tonight, as I lay on our bed beside him, with our bodies gently pressed with each other and our lips interlocked with each other, tongue pleasing one another….

It feels warm.

_Warm. Intoxicating. Melting. Soothing. Satisfying._

It’s what I feel while I gently brushed my hand on Akaashi’s delicate body that keeps on arching in my every touch as we both whispered on each other how much we love one another.

Akaashi’s face reddened when I didn’t take my eyes away from him while I pleasure him with my mouth. He didn’t look away like he usually does and just locked gazes with me as if he’s trying to embed to his mind how I make him moan, how I caress him gently.

I moved up when he came in my mouth and positioned myself on top of him. He pulled me closer and kissed me almost crushing my lips with his sweet and passionate yet aggressive kiss. I grabbed his hair gently and pushed my tongue inside his mouth as I moved and thrust inside him a little bit roughly making his body jerked in surprised.

“Are you hurt?” I asked worriedly when tears welled up on his flushed face, but Akaashi just shook his head and pulled me closer to his body and whispered.

“It feels good…Myaa-sam.”

I almost cum when he said those words that made him chuckled when he saw my pained expression. I want to devour him slowly but he’s so cunning making it hard for me to do so. I slowly move inside him, sending tingling sensation all over my body. And the intoxicating feeling is slowly infiltrating my whole system, making it hard for me to keep my head cool.

I felt Akaashi’s nail on my back but the pain just adds the electrifying sensation gave by our body being intertwined with each other. I moved a little bit faster, making us drown in ecstasy more. His eyes flutter when our hot gazes met and I almost tear up seeing those loving blue-eyes that stares at me and nothing but love and happiness is written on it.

“I love you…Keiji…” I whispered as I slowly reached my peak. Akaashi entwined his legs on my hips when I tried to pull out to release it outside because he didn’t make me use a condom again.

“Keiji…damn…”

“Cum inside…Myaa-sam.” He demands that made me explode. Made Akaashi quiver in pleasure when I released my seed inside him, with eyes brimming with tears. I kissed the corner of his softly before I pulled out and lay down beside him, while holding his hand that has the fox ring on it.

“I love you, Aachi-chan.” I whispered softly and kissed his hand with my ring on it. Akaashi looked at me lovingly and gently touch my face.

“I’m hurt, Myaa-sam.” Akaashi said sadly that worried me.

“I’m deeply hurt when you left me to that place with a look like you’re about to cry. It puts me in pain. It’s totally different when Bokuto-san is deliberately hurting me. It’s a different kind of pain that I never felt before.” Akaashi continued that made me speechless.

“Are you really willing to let me go if I choose to leave? You won’t even stop me?” He asked that made me sigh and nods.

“Why?”

I clasped his hands with mine and looked at me with a sad look on my face. “He is your melanphoria, just like how you’re mine as well. I won’t stop you from leaving because I know that if you really want to stay with me, you’ll stay. I love you too much. That I’m willing to sacrifice my own happiness just for you to get yours. I don’t want to lock you up in a relationship that won’t make you happy. Because just like I said, I only want you to be happy. Your happiness is my happiness.”

Akaashi smiled sweetly and kissed my hand. “I really pick the correct person to love.”

My brows creased so he explained.

“There are three types of love. A destructive love. It’s what Bokuto-san and I has. We both love each other to the point that it’s damaging us both. A selfish love. Which Konoha, my former teammate has for me. He loved me selfishly that made me run way from him. And a sweet, genuine and melanphoric love. It’s what you and I have for each other.” Akaashi explained.

He sighed and moved a little closer to my embrace.

“I thought what I had with Bokuto-san is Melanphoria. But I realized that what I felt for him is not a true Melanphoria. But what I have for you is the true melanphoria.” Akaashi looked at me in the eyes with a sweet smile on lips.

“You can say that what you feel is a true melanphoria when that person you gave your heart to wholeheartedly is both the cause of your sadness and happiness, and not because he caused you sadness and happiness. When you’re sad, anxious or in pain, I am too. And when you’re happy, I am too Myaa-sam.” I pressed my lips on his forehead because what he said is true.

“It’s overwhelming.” I said that made him smile because I used his own words. “Your love is.”

“ _Aishiteru_ , Akaashi Keiji.” I whispered lovingly before I claimed his lips that he responded in equal manner. We pulled away a little when we run out of breath and stare at each other’s eyes.

“Miya Osamu…” He called my full name in a formal tone.

“ _Koishiteru._ ”


	41. Melanphoria Part 4 - Chapter 40

**_Melanphoria Part IV_ **

_Bokuto Koutarou’s POV_

**_Chapter Forty_ **

****

I took a deep breathe before I had the courage to take a step and enter that place where my most precious person is going to exchange vows with the person he chose to be with. To the person that is now who owns his heart.

_The person who revived him._

_The person who stayed with him when he’s trying to fix his life._

_The person he run away with, from Eden._

_The person who is not me._

I smiled when I met his gaze right after I entered the room where he is waiting for the wedding to start. It’s been a year since I last saw Akaashi. I got injured in a match so I have to do physical therapy and since my coach in MSBY has a physical therapist relative, he recommended me to go in the Philippines to do my therapy there. It should be a six-month treatment but I asked for extension. And since they knew what I’ve been going through, they let me. But in exchange, I have to babysit my coach’s niece while I stayed there for free and she’s a real psycho.

“It’s been a while, Bokuto-san.” Akaashi said with a sweet smile plastered on his lips. The smile that I’ve always wanted him to give me. And now that he did, it doesn’t make me happy at all. In fact, I feel lonelier now because that smile is not the same smile that I’ve always wanted to get.

_That sweet smile that he gave to me is meant just for a friend._

I tried to hide my pain by smiling back at him because Akaashi looked really happy. His eyes beams with happiness. The happiness that I only see when he’s with Osamu Miya, the man who take him away from his sadness.

“Yeah, it’s been a while. You look good.” I said without hiding the admiration in my eyes. Even though he’s a guy, he really looked beautiful in his white tuxedo.

Akaashi’s face flushed with embarrassment that made me chuckled and a pair of arms immediately embraced him. I met Osamu Miya’s scowl that made his twin, Tsumu and Hinata laugh on how he reacted.

“Easy bro! Bo-kun won’t take away your groom.” Tsum-Tsum said that made me shook my head because of Osamu’s reaction. I wouldn’t succeed anyway even if I ask Akaashi to run away with me because he looked so deeply in love with Osamu.

_I can see it on his blue-eyes._

“He’s mine now so stop making my Akaashi blush.” Osamu said with annoyance on his voice before he looked at Akaashi who has an amuse expression on his face. “And you! Why are you blushing? Stop blushing if it’s not me who tells you how beautiful you are!”

Akaashi raised his brows but on his lips, plastered a playful smile. “Why? Are you jealous?”

Osamu pouted. “I am.” He answered truthfully before he looked at me. “That owl was the first one who saw how beautiful you are today. Of course, I’ll be jealous.”

We all laughed on how childish Akaashi’s groom is. But somehow, I could see why Akaashi choose him. He’s more honest to his feelings than me. And I admit that it’s still painful.

_To see the smile that is meant for the person he loves._

“You guys ready? The wedding is about to start.” Omi-kun asked when he entered the room with his usual annoyed expression.

Osamu went out first followed by Tsumu and Hinata. And again, I was left alone with the prettiest setter that I’ve ever laid my eyes on. He looked at me with a gentle look on his face and on his lips was the sincerest smile that I’ve ever seen.

“Thank you for coming, Bokuto-san.” He said with sincerity before he held my hand and looked straight to my eyes. “I’m glad that you’re here to celebrate with me, the happiest moment of my life.”

I smiled sweetly trying to hold back the tears that has been wanting to escape in my eyes. “No. Thank you. For letting me be part of it. For letting me celebrate with you the happiest moment of your life. Knowing what I did in the past. How I hurt you.”

Akaashi gently cupped my face to wipe the tears that escaped my eyes. “You’re not the one in wrong, Bokuto-san. I hope that one day, you’ll meet the person who is really meant for you. And I hope that you should stop blaming yourself. We’re both victims. Please forget all the bad things that happened between us.”

Akaashi hugged me tight. And it felt so warm. Even though it’s just a couple of seconds, his warmth resides inside me and melt the block of ice that’s covering my stone-cold heart. He pulled away and turn to leave the room.

“Akaashi…” I called and he looked back at me.

I smiled sweetly at him. “I love you…” Akaashi looked surprised but he remained silent as if he’s waiting for my final words.

I sighed. “I love you but I’m ending it now.”

Akaashi smiled and nod at me before he finally left the room to meet his greatest love and exchange vows with him. I cried for a little while before I had the courage to leave the room just to be surprised when I saw the psycho niece of my coach that I forgot that she came here with me. She’s leaning right beside the door waiting for me with dreamy eyes as she watched Akaashi marched in the aisle with Osamu.

“Now, I know why you love Moira’s song.” She said without looking at me. She’s talking about the singer in the Philippines that I keep on listening to every night.

I sighed and looked to where she’s looking at and had a bittersweet smile plastered on my lips before as I watched Akaashi exchange vows with Osamu.

“You were my euphoria in my midst of melancholia. You gave me haven when I was in pain. You hate the rain, but that night when you saw me suffering, you held my hand tightly and walked in the rain with me. You gave me the brightest star when I lost my light. You revived me. You gave me a new life. And now, you’re giving me your whole life.” Akaashi has a thankful smile on his lips as tears welled up on his beautiful eyes.

“I can’t promise to love you perfectly, but I will love you unconditionally. You are my melanphoria. You are my happiness, as well as my sadness. Without you I am incomplete – with you, life became a gift. I love you Osamu. You are God’s greatest gift.”

Akaashi finished telling his vow that not only made the man he said those words to, cry. Everyone in this place tear up on how sincere his words are. Osamu held Akaashi’s hand trying to hold back his tears as he says his vow.

“I fell in love with you at first sight. To be honest, I don’t believe in love at first sight. I called my twin, lame when he told me that he fell in love at first sight to Hinata. But little did I know, I too, will fell in love with you at first sight, the same day. When I saw you smile, while staring from afar, I already knew this is love. I tried. God knows how many times I tried to forget you, but I just can’t. That’s why, when I saw you enduring all the pain, I knew that I shall have you. That I shall protect you.” Osamu wiped the tears that escaped his eyes and continued.

“I promise to trust you more, to believe your love more and love you more. You are a culmination of a dream come true. To be honest, I still can’t believe that I’m standing here with you, exchanging vows with you. You, loving me is just a dream for me. You were my melanphoria, and always will be. Your happiness is my happiness. Your sadness is my sadness. Without you I am empty – with you, I’m looking forward to life. I love you Keiji, my Aachi. You are God’s greatest creation.”

Osamu ended his vow and without warning, Akaashi grabbed his nape and kissed him lovingly that made all the guests shout in happiness that even the official in charge of their wedding couldn’t help but smile to see how they both love each other regardless of their gender. As for me, I wiped the tears that escaped my eyes though a sincere and happy smile is plastered on my lips before I turned my back to leave even though the ceremony isn’t over yet. Even though my chest feels heavy after I took back my heart from Akaashi, I am happy for them.

_For him, for Akaashi._

“Did you regret letting go?” My coach’s niece asked as she followed me on my way to the parking lot.

“I did. A part of me did. But…”

I stopped and turn around to look at her. She bumped to my chest that made her small lips pout like a kid while brushing her forehead. There are times that this psycho looks cute but most of the time, she’s so damn annoying because of her antics.

“But?”

I sighed. “I already accept the fact that I am just his beginning, but not his ending.”

She smiled sweetly at me and brushed off the tears that escaped my eyes before he cupped my face gently. “Freeing yourself from cupid’s hateful and cruel arrow is hard, but you did a great job, Koutarou.”

Before I could even react, she already turned her back on me to find the car we used to come here. And it might sound absurd but with those small and delicate hands, the heaviness in my chest lightened.

“Hey, Koutarou!” I turned to her when she called my name normally while she’s walking backwards.

“What? Stop walking like that, you might trip.” I shouted back as I followed her every step.

“I have a question!” She said without heeding my advice. My eyes widened when a car from behind, pulling over is about to bump her. I rushed to her and pulled her to me that made us fall off the ground with her on top of me.

“You really are a psycho!” I exclaimed in annoyance. My heart almost jumped of its cage because I thought that she will get hit.

I saw her pulling stunts that would hurt herself before when I just accepted my coach’s favor to look after this emotionally unstable niece of his while I’m in the Philippines because her parents are both gone and that their other relatives doesn’t really give a damn to her because of her weirdness.

“If I weren’t me. Do you think we could be?” She asked instead while on her lips plastered the sweetest smile I’ve ever seen since we got acquainted. She’s used to give a fake smile to everyone but this smile of her now, is the sincerest smile I’ve ever seen.

“What the hell are you talking about you, psycho?!” I whispered trying to act normal even though my heart races because of those words she just told me. Her warmth is slowly creeping in me, making me feel a different kind of sensation that I never felt before.

It’s scary and at the same time…comforting.

_Her warmth is._

“I have a name, Koutarou. Don’t call me by my pen name or I will kiss you.” She warned while talking about the name that she used as pen name that made chuckled because of how bold she is. She’s a writer. A weird, emotionally unstable, romance and mystery crime, writer.

“Your pen name suits you though. Yakō-sei No Saiko-”

My words got cut off by her trembling lips. She had her eyes closed while pressing her lips on mine that almost made me laugh. I grabbed both of her arms and pushed her away. She opened her eyes and looked at me like she lost to something but didn’t say a word and just pushed me away so she can stand but I didn’t let her go.

“Is that it? You called that a kiss?” I teased that made her looked away from me, and even though her skin is tan, - a typical Filipina complexion, I could see her face blushed with embarrassment.

I cupped her chin and make her face me. “Let me show you how it is properly done, you Saiko.” I said before closing the gap between our lips and gently brushed mine into her while in my head, I prayed.

_Dear God, if she’s the one destined for me… make it rain._

And as if on cue…

Droplets of water starts pouring one by one on us, just right after the loud applause and cheers was heard from the place that we came from. And that made me smile in between our kisses.

_Goodbye, my sanity…_

_Hello, my insanity…_


	42. Epilogue

**_Melanphoria Part IV_ **

_Konoha Akinori’s POV_

**_Epilogue_ **

An unfamiliar grayish-yellow narrow eye welcomed me when I opened my eyes. I feel pain all over my body particularly, my head. I tried to get up so the owner of those narrow eyes helped me to get up from laying on my bed and lean on the headboard of the room that I am into.

“Where I am? Who are you?” I asked and held my head when I felt pain from it. The man I am with pressed the button next to my bed to get the attention of the nurses and doctor who assigned to me.

“You got into an accident. Did you remember? It’s been a year now since then.” The man asked but before I could answer him, the nurses and doctors entered my room to check on me. I somehow find it annoying that they’re flocking into me. It feels suffocating.

“Did you remember getting into an accident?” The doctor asked me that made my brows creased because I couldn’t remember it at all. In fact, I couldn’t remember anything what happened that made me get into an accident and some of my old memories feels like there’s a part of it that got erased. And…

_It feels empty._

_I feel empty._

_As if I forget something important to me._

Tears fell in my eyes and my chest tightened because of that something that I couldn’t remember that is making it hard for me to breathe. The man that’s been with me since I opened my eyes rushed to my side right away and held my hand as if I am someone precious. I don’t know him but why I don’t feel like it’s not the first time that I was held by those gentle hands? Who is he that he can easily calm my nerve making it easy for me to breathe?

“Is there something wrong with him?” He asked worriedly that made me confused of why he’s acting like my guardian when it’s the first time that I saw him. Is he part of the memories that got erased in my mind?

“Like what I told you before, his memory might get affected because of the damage he got from the accident. It might be temporary or permanent depends on the patient’s will and recovery speed. For now, it’s good to hear that he didn’t forget everything about him and I can only assure you that his life is now out of danger. In a few more weeks, he can get discharged if we didn’t see anything wrong to his tests.” The doctor answered before he said a few things and let us have our privacy.

I looked at him. I feel uneasy looking at those eyes but at the same time, I feel like I knew him. As if it’s not really the first time that I saw him. And he just stared back at me as if waiting for him to ask anything to him. I cleared my throat and looked at him with a serious face. I’m sure that I saw him before but I can’t remember where and when.

“W-who are you?” I asked that made him looked sad. As if I said something absurd.

“So, I’m a part of the memories of yours that you forget, huh?” He said in a very sad tone that made me feel guilty. I lowered my head and apologize while still trying to remember where did I met him.

He sighed and made me face him. “It’s okay. I’ll just need to introduce myself. I am Rintarou. Suna Rintarou. We met in national’s way back in high school. I’m formerly from Inarizaki.”

I nod and tried to remember that timeline he said but I really can’t recall him. I know some players from Inarizaki though, the twins. I still remember that one of them became Bokuto’s teammate.

“How’s the twins? I remembered them because they’re so famous back then. But I’m really sorry that I can’t remember you.” I said apologetically that just made him smile a little trying to hide the sadness on his eyes.

“Well they are both happily married now.” He answered shortly.

“Oh, so Atsumu married Hinata.” I smiled when I remembered Atsumu proposing to Hinata right after the latter’s debut match. “What about the other twin?” I asked that made him quiet for a moment.

“Samu… well he’s married to Akaashi now.” I wonder why I felt that something pricked in my chest when I heard that name that I just heard for the first time.

“Oh, I see. I guess, Osamu is the one who will continue their lineage huh, since Atsumu married a guy.” I commented that made Suna looked at me in surprise.

“Akaashi’s a guy. Although Samu always tell us whenever he gets drunk that he’s the prettiest setter he laid his eyes to in the nationals.” He said that made me scratch my head.

“I’m sorry. I thought Akaashi’s a girl’s name. Although I didn’t know what team he came from.” I said that made him silent again for a moment.

“Akinori…” He called my name after a long break of silence and looked at me seriously.

“A-are we really that c-close for you to call me by my first name?” I asked trying to recall again what sort of relationship I have with him. For sure he’s not one of the guys I had a one-night stand with because looking at him, I’m quite sure that he’s a top just like me.

Suna sat at the edge of my bed and leaned a little closer to me. “Yeah. We’re that close for me to call you by your first name.” He said that is almost like a whisper.

“Why don’t you ask me, what’s our relationship? Why did you get into an accident?” He continued while gazing at me intently.

I looked away because it’s impossible that he’s what I think he is. I only engaged in one night-stands as far as I remember. But with the way I forget about him, the way he acts as my guardian and the way that I forget what happened one year ago, and the comfortable feeling that I felt with him even though I just met him today, is making me feel so confused. My head couldn’t remember him but I am comfortable with him. As if I really know him.

I looked at him and asked courageously. “Who… who are you in my life? And why did I get into an accident.”

He cupped my face gently while staring to my eyes as if he’s about to cry. “I’m the cause of it. We had a fight because of my jealousy and possessiveness. You went out for a drink and got into an accident. I guess this is my karma of trying to lock you up with me. That’s why I’m sorry.” He said with tears on his eyes that is making my head spin.

“W-wait you m-mean…”

“I’m your lover.” He confirmed that made me speechless but before I could even react to what he just said, he claimed my lips without a warning.

And even though it’s the first time that my lips have touched his…

It sends a fuzzy feeling in my whole system…

And what’s scarier…

Is…

_My lips remembered the softness of his lips and gentleness of his kiss._

And it made me tear up.

Because…

_The emptiness I felt just a moment ago, was filled by his kiss._

_Making it hard for me to deny…_

_That he is…_

_The man in my lost memories._


	43. In Another Universe

**_Melanphoria Part IV_ **

_Bokuto Koutaro’s POV_

****

**_In Another Universe_ **

I woke up crying after dreaming myself walking away from my beloved Akaashi who’s waiting for the person who complete him. I look beside me and the heaviness I felt in my chest disappear in an instant upon seeing my beloved, sleeping peacefully beside me while his hand is on my waist.

I wiped my tears, went back from laying on my bed beside him and gently touch his sleeping face that I still find beautiful even though we’ve been together for 8 years now. I guess I’m still haunted by my guilt of doubting my own heart for beating so fast and restless the moment I saw his beautiful smile that proved that he’s the reincarnation of the woman I loved in my past life.

I caress softly, Keiji’s face while the memory of my dreamed flashed in my head like a movie scene. It feels so real as if it really happened. The pain, anger, love and defeat he felt, I felt it too after waking up. As if he’s really me from another universe.

“I hope he’s not real. Coz, if he is…It’s such a shame for him to let the most precious person that God created.” I whispered to myself while staring to my beloved, make-up artist’s face.

“Are you talking about me?” Keiji opened his eyes and looked at me with his sleepy gunmetal blue eyes. I smiled and nod before pulling him closer to me, embracing him tightly to feel his warmth.

“I dreamed about me and you.” I started that made him look at me.

“And?”

I sighed. “You left me for someone else. We didn’t end up together because the me in that dream is so damn stupid.” I said annoyingly that made Keiji laughed.

“Why are you mad? It’s just a dream and even if he really existed in a parallel world, he’s not you. And besides, in this world…You have me.” Keiji said that made me smile and forget a little about the pain brought by that dream.

I hugged him tighter and planted a soft kiss on his forehead.

“It’s just, I hate it. I lived a hundred lives before I finally met you. But he… he already has you, yet he let that chance to make you completely his. He let you go because of his stupidity.” I pulled away a little and looked painfully on my beloved, Keiji’s eyes.

“Seeing you smiling lovingly to somebody else other than me, is already unbearable. What more of letting you go? I won’t take it. I might die of loneliness if I lose you, Akaashi Keiji.” I said in a serious tone and I didn’t even hide the pain in my voice.

“I was so damn stupid from my past life that I let myself get killed without even telling you that I love you. And It was really stupid of me to deny that you’re my other half, that you’re the reincarnation of the only person I loved from my past life, even though my heart clearly remembers you. That’s why if that Bokuto Koutarou really do exist, I won’t forgive him. For hurting you. For not treating you better. For letting you go.” I said and a teardrop races in my cheek that made Keiji wiped it and cupped my face lovingly.

“Stop it. I never hate you. In our past life and even now. And even in our next life, I won’t. Because I love you so much, Bokuto Koutarou.” Keiji said that made me laugh a little that made him looked at me with a confused expression.

“You’re just like him, the Akaashi in my dream. He never hated that stupid Bokuto. He forgave him easily even after all the bad things that stupid owl did. The only thing that made you two different is that, he gave up on that stupid owl…while you…you stayed.” I said that made Keiji smile.

Keiji planted a soft kiss on my lips and looked at me lovingly. “I guess even in another universe, I can never hate you.” He said while smiling.

I pulled him closer to me and embrace him tight. We stayed like that talking about the dream I just had until the sun rises. Even though I hate how we ended up in that dream, I’m still happy for some reason because…

I looked at my beloved, Akaashi that fell asleep once again in my arms after I finished the story of my dream. I planted a soft kiss on his lips and held his hand with the Celtic owl ring on his ring finger.

“You were happy and smiling…” I whispered and kissed his hand with the ring on it.

_And for me, and for him…_

_That’s the only thing that is important._

_Seeing you smiling._

_Seeing you happy._

I looked at the glass window and whispered in void while staring at the rising sun.

“Hey, Bokuto from another universe…” I whispered.

“…If you’re true then I want you to know…”

_Akaashi is smiling just for me._


	44. The

**_Melanphoria_ **

_Miya Osamu’s POV_

**_Their Happily Ever After_ **

**(A/N: Listen to Get you the moon by Kina ft. snow while reading.)**

The sweet and soothing voice from the music player resounded in our hotel room as I push Akaashi gently down to the king-sized bed. Our eyes locked gazes with each other and written on it is nothing but euphoria.

I could still see how stunning he is in this dim-lighted room that we’re in. And I can’t blame my heart for beating rapidly as if it wants to get out of its cage when he smiled at me with happiness and contentment reflected on those gunmetal blue eyes.

_[You gave me a shoulder when I needed it…_

_You showed me love when I wasn't feeling it…]_

Gently… I claimed his lips.

Softly… I caress his body underneath his clothes.

_[You helped me fight when I was giving in…_

_And you made me laugh when I was losing it…]_

Akaashi responded to my kiss clutching his long fingers on the back of my hair as our tongue played with each other…giving pleasure to one another. I pulled away to catch our breaths and stared on each other’s eyes.

“I love you.” I said while gazing at those enchanting blue eyes that is now filled with desire and euphoria.

“I love you too.” My Keiji responded before pulling me for a kiss. A long and more wanting kiss. Making it hard for me to resist the raging desire that I’m trying to suppress after our wedding ceremony ended.

_He’s finally and officially mine now._

That thought is enough for me to stop restraining myself on giving in to my burning desire. It’s enough reason for me to unleashed my overflowing love for him. My overwhelming desire to devour him.

_[Cause, you are, you are…_

_The reason why I'm still hanging on…_

_Cause, you are, you are…_

_The reason why my head is still above water]_

In a flash, all our clothes are all in the floor and our bodies feels like it’s burning when it touched. He has his hands on my hair as I trace his neck with my lips, leaving little marks on it that made him giggled.

“You really love putting marks on me, huh.” Keiji said that made me stare at him for a moment. I love hearing his laugh and soft giggles. It sounds music to my ear.

Akaashi softly touch my face and gently brush my lips with his thumb while staring at me with loving eyes. My heart races. And it’s hard to breathe. For those who scorned us for getting married, the hell with them! In their eyes it’s wrong but not in mine. The way my heart races while gazing at those pair of blue eyes, the way my stomach jitters just by being touched by those long fingers, I know that our love is real. My mind and heart say it too.

_[And if I could, I'd get you the moon…_

_And give it to you…]_

_I really love, Akaashi._

I move down to his chest and nimble with his nipples making a soft moan escape his lips. Every time my tongue flicks on his pink peaks, his body arches and it’s excruciating for my hard member that keeps on twitching inside my pants. And as much as I want to enter him, feel him…I want to devour him slowly.

_[And if death was coming for you…_

_I'd give my life for you…]_

His breathing became heavy as I move lower. He gasped in pleasure when I took him in my mouth without warning, making him cover his mouth with his hand while his other hand is clutching my hair a little bit tight when I put a finger on his twitching hole to prepare him.

His body jerked when he climaxed. I spit out his cum and pushed two fingers to stretch him while taking off my pants revealing him my raging hard-on that is aching to enter his body, aching to feel his warmth again.

Akaashi looked at me with flushed face and teary-eye caused by pleasure. He opened his arms and in shy voice he said…

“I want you now, Myaa-sam.” He begged so I pull out my fingers inside him and positioned myself on top of him and kissed him as I slowly plunge my hard member on his twitching hot hole.

_[Cause, you are, you are…_

_The reason why I'm still hanging on…_

_Cause, you are, you are…_

_The reason why my head is still above water]_

He cried a little because it’s been a while since we do it. We haven’t been making when the preparation for our wedding was on going. And we are too, both restraining ourselves for this night. Our wedding night.

I kissed him with tongue and he responded with the same passion. And slowly, I move inside him. His inside is so hot that it’s making it hard for me to hold back from cumming.

It’s exhilarating. The feeling of being inside him. The feeling of officially claiming him. The feeling of being loved by him. And I can’t help but tear up while looking at him with this overwhelming euphoria written on my face. Akaashi cupped my face and kissed my lips. He pushed me that made me sat on the bed. He sat on my lap and slowly connect himself again with me.

I groaned when I feel how deep I am now inside him. I pulled away from our kiss a little and looked at him worriedly. I know it’s hard for him this position because of how big I am.

“You’re so deep…” He said with face drowning in pleasure that almost made me climaxed.

“Damn…You’re driving me crazy.” I groaned in pain and pleasure but he just smiled at me seductively and starts moving his body while I hold his waist carefully.

_[And if I could, I'd get you the moon…_

_And give it to you…]_

It’s heaven and hell. I want to reach my zenith but I don’t want to spoil his fun of driving me crazier. I let him move on his own. Drowning the room with our soft moans and hard breathing. But since I really can’t take it anymore, I stroke his shaft that made him cum in my hand in an instant. And I believe that it’s enough. I’ve been dying to get my release that’s why I pushed him in the bed in all four and thrust on the deepest part of him roughly that made him cry in pleasure and pain once more.

_[And if death was coming for you…_

_I'd give my life for you…]_

“Bear with me a little longer, babe.” I whispered on his ear before I lick his neck and leave a mark on it as I thrust faster inside him. I clutched his hair gently and make him face me for a passionate kiss.

_[Cause, you are, you are_

_The reason why I'm still hanging on_

_Cause, you are, you are_

_The reason why my head is still above water]_

Akaashi pulled away from our kiss. “I don’t want this…let me see you…”

I immediately pulled away, shift his body to face me and thrust deeply inside him without a break. Moans, cries, grunts and pants echoed in our hotel room as our entwined body slowly reaching our peaks. And in a few more thrust, we both reach our zenith.

I didn’t pull out from him and just lay face down on his quivering body while kissing him passionately. I pulled from our kiss when we both run out of breath and gaze at each other’s eyes.

“Are you happy?” Akaashi asked with soft look on his face.

I nod. “Very.”

He smiled. “Me too.”

“I love you, my God’s greatest creation.” I whispered sweetly but enough for him to hear.

“I love you too, my God’s greatest gift.” Akaashi said and we both shared a kiss. A kiss that ignite again the burning desire that we have for each other. The night has just begun and so are we.

_As we unleash our burning desire and overflowing love with each other, memories that sends us here flashes in our mind, connecting our hearts into one. Savoring our precious moments together._

_And in our heads, we both prayed._

_Dear God,_

_Thank you._

_For sending me._

_My melanphoria._

**_The beginning of…_ **


End file.
